The Prophesy: Silent Shells
by Lithoniel Sedai
Summary: Ok, new summary cause the other one was boring. Depressed and suicidal Harry. Draco and Snape are good :) (well they are so far.) Intersesting twists in Ch 1 & 9 This is the first story in my series The Prophesy. It is rated R for language and suicide.
1. Default Chapter

Prologue  
  
On the night that ghouls awaken and play, the son of a stag and an ivory blossom will survive the jasper summons of death.  
  
For a decade his identity will be concealed from all but three tormentors of the uncultivated world.  
  
A half breed shall rescue him from a storm and his heritage shall become known.  
  
He will meet the lion in a room of rushing steel and with the she-cat they will defeat what lurks beneath the turban.  
  
He will hear voices that no other can hear and the blind will be deceived and believe him evil. Powers unconsciously transferred will be the defeater of the eyes of death. A book is the key.  
  
The unwilling canine, left by his friends and forsaken by the world, will meet the trio in the room of rushing steel and they shall all learn the truth from the condemned dog.  
  
The traitorous rodent shall be revealed and will bring about the return. More great and terrible than ever before.  
  
The fourth of three will leap from the cup of fire and will unwillingly give his blood to revive the bane of living things.  
  
The saviour will lie dormant for 28 days but will rise again by the hand of he who has devoured death. His companions, the Lion and the She-cat will battle the riddle with him.  
  
The dragon will forsake his family, be re-born as a phoenix of the light and will join them in battle.  
  
The lives of these for are sacred and their canine guardians will be forced to chose between their duty to them and revenge against the rodent Judas.  
  
These six will determine the fates of the world in battle against the will of death.  
  
When the battle is through the son of the stag and heir Gryffindor will seek solitude in the land of the uncultivated and the She-cat and Dog will join forces in order to save him.  
  
- Rowena Ravenclaw ***************  
  
This is a prophesy of Harry's life as it has been and how I will write it for the next 3 books. This series is called The Prophesy and my first story/the 5th book is called Silent Shells.  
  
This is my first ever fic, so please be kind. Please review. If you have to flame me then could you email your flames to make it easier for me to respond to.  
  
Thanks heaps 


	2. Chapter One

Silent Shells  
  
  
  
Chapter 1  
  
'Kill the spare!'  
  
A rush of green light flew past Harry and he heard a thump. When his scar stopped hurting Harry looked around and for the 5th time that week he saw Cedric Diggory lying spread eagled next to him. Suddenly Cedric sat up and looked directly at Harry.  
  
'Look what you have done!' said Cedric. 'This is all your fault.'  
  
Suddenly his face changed into James Potters.  
  
'Look you pathetic boy. Look at what you did to us. Why did we waste our time dying for you? It didn't achieve anything. The world would have been better off if we had just handed you over to him.'  
  
The face faded and in its place was the face of Lily Potter. As she began to speak, her voice, unlike the enraged voices of Cedric and her husband, sounded sad and disappointed.  
  
'Harry I died for you because I thought you would make something of your life. I wanted to give you the chance to prove yourself worthy of our love. And for a while you did. But for what? You defeated the Dark Lord only to have your own blood bring him back to life. And now he is worse than he ever was before. I am ashamed to have been the person to have brought you into the world when all you will do is eventually destroy it.'  
  
Then all three voices started chanting.  
  
'Your fault, your fault, your fault.'  
  
Other familiar voices started to join them. First Ron and Hermione, then the rest of the Weasley family. Then Harry's godfather Sirius Black, his DADA professor and friend of his parents Remus Lupin. Then all the students at Hogwarts and the teachers until eventually the whole world, muggles and wizards alike were screaming at him from every corner of the universe.  
  
'YOUR FAULT, YOUR FAULT, YOUR FAULT!!!'  
  
Harry stumbled back away from the voices. 'I'm sorry, I'm sorry,' he sobbed as they started following him back.  
  
'I didn't mean too. I never meant any of it. Please leave me alone. I'm just so sorry.'  
  
Harry was on his knees begging as the voices pursued him through the blackness. Suddenly the ground fell away from him and he was sucked into a black hole with the voices of his loved ones tormenting him as he fell.  
  
'YOUR FAULT'  
  
Harry awoke with tears streaming down his face. He reached for his glasses and sat up. Although it was dark, his hand was still searching across the table at his side. He found what he was looking for and switched on the light.  
  
Looking at his scarred wrists, Harry slashed through the skin three times. As the blood started to flow he let out all the pent up air inside him with a little relieved hiss. His shoulders relaxed and he started to smile.  
  
Grabbing the sheet that he kept under his bed he wrapped it around his arm until the bleeding finally stopped. Then he carefully unwound his arm, turned out his light and went back to sleep. He wasn't troubled by nightmares for the rest of the night.  
  
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/  
  
When Harry awoke the next morning he looked down at his wrist. The flesh around the new cuts was pink and enflamed. He ran his eyes up and down his arms. The scars were comforting and he got up and went down stairs to make the breakfast.  
  
Every night since Cedric's death and Voldemort's rebirth Harry had been having the same nightmares. And every night he added fresh cuts to his already scarred arms. He had had to put a silencing charm around his bed at Hogwarts and he stuffed up every crack at night in his room at the Dursley's house so he wouldn't wake them by screaming in his sleep. He had been tempted to use a silencing charm on his room as well but he didn't want to face expulsion from Hogwarts for performing underage magic.  
  
He only had two weeks to go and then he would be back at Hogwarts. Back with the only family he had ever really known.  
  
He was flipping the bacon when his aunt Petunia entered the kitchen. She looked at him for a moment before turning to boil the kettle. This didn't bother Harry because he was used to being treated as if he wasn't in the same room as his relatives. He jumped however when his aunt spoke to him.  
  
'Harry,' she began as she took something out of her apron. 'Harry, this letter came from your school yesterday. I didn't show it to Vernon because you know how he is with things like this. I wanted to ask you about it before I did anything with it.'  
  
Harry was too startled by her almost kind tone to actually register what she had said. When it clicked he looked up at her and took the sheet of parchment from her hand and began to read it.  
  
Dear Mr and Mrs Dursley,  
  
I do not know if your nephew has already spoken to you about this matter but I feel it necessary to bring it to your attention.  
  
During the course of this year Harry participated in a contest involving wizards from three other different schools. The tri-wizard contest is normally a very dangerous competition and has been abandoned until recently because of the height that the death toll reached.  
  
However, even thought I put an age barrier around the cup that choses the contestants a dark wizard masquerading as a teacher at the school placed Harry's name into the cup under a fourth school.  
  
We did not know who had done this nor why until the third and final task, when Harry and another student from our school touched a cup that had been booby trapped and transported them to a place where the other student Cedric Diggory was killed.  
  
After this Harry was forced to witness and unwillingly participate in bringing back the Dark Lord Voldemort whom he defeated nearly 13 years ago. He risked his life by duelling with the Dark Lord in an attempt to return to the school and bring back Cedric's body.  
  
I am writing to you to inform you of these occurrences because I was hoping that these holidays you might, as it were, 'cut him some slack' as he has been under an enormous amount of pressure. Also, Lord Voldemort may be looking for revenge against Harry for that fateful Halloween night all those years ago and for more recent events.  
  
Please do not be alarmed as we have placed enchantments upon you and your family for protection. I am simply writing to inform you and put you on your guard.  
  
Please allow Harry to leave for the school a week earlier than planned. A man with black hair will come to pick him up. This man is Harry's godfather Sirius Black. I do not know whether you have met with him. He was a close friend of James and Lily Potter. He was on your News reports as a wanted man a year or so ago but do not distress yourselves. He is harmless.  
  
Yours Sincerely Albus Dumbledore  
  
Harry stared at the letter for a little while longer and then handed it back to his Aunt.  
  
'So. what do you want me to say? It's all true, although I don't suggest showing the letter to uncle Vernon. He might not like the idea of being placed under enchantments. I'll go now if you want, I'm sure you don't want me hanging around and endangering you lives. I'll just go and pack shall I?'  
  
He turned to leave but Petunia caught his arm. To his surprise and discomfort there were tears glistening in her eyes.  
  
'I'm so sorry Harry,' she faltered.  
  
Harry gave her a clumsy hug. 'I'll just go and pack.'  
  
'No, stay here until this man, your godfather, comes and collects you. I don't want you wandering the streets with this Voldemort character after you. I saw what he did to Lily and I wouldn't wish any of that on you. Stay for the last week.'  
  
Harry nodded slightly and gave her another hug before walking up stairs where he sat for the next 20 minutes with blood running down his arms. 


	3. Chapter Two

Chapter 2  
  
Harry ran down stairs eagerly pulling down his sleeves as he went. He ran to the door and flung it open.  
  
'Sirius.' Harry's voice betrayed his excitement and he ran back into the house to collect his belongings.  
  
Petunia stood by the door as she watched her last link to her sister get ready to leave her for good.  
  
Harry stopped and gave her a hug as he passed her standing in the doorway. He whispered his thanks for getting Vernon and Dudley out of the house.  
  
She stepped away from him and looked into her sisters eyes before smiling at him and shutting the door behind her.  
  
'Well Harry, shall we go?'  
  
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\  
  
A week later Harry was waving goodbye to the large black dog on the Platform 9 ¾ while the train pulled out of the station and returned him to Hogwarts. He sat in his usual carriage with Ron, Hermione, Dean, Seamus, Neville and Ginny. From time to time other people would put their heads around the door to say hi.  
  
At one point Cho Chang was walking passed the carriage and Harry got up and went to the door.  
  
'Cho?'  
  
Cho looked at Harry and he could see the fear and sadness in her eyes. She had lost a lot of weight he noticed. Before he could say anything else the one time girlfriend of Cedric Diggory gave a sob and ran down the passage outside the carriage and clambered into the next carriage.  
  
Harry went and sat down, fiddling with the blade in his pocket. The other people in the carriage pretended not to have noticed this exchange and continued talking as if nothing had happened.  
  
Harry got up and went to the bathroom.  
  
When he came back Hermione noticed that he was looking less tense and was glad.  
  
Ron only noticed the dark stain on the sleeve of his robes.  
  
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\  
  
When the students arrived at the school it was raining slightly and they hurried indoors.  
  
At the Gryffindor tables every one was talking and laughing as the food appeared on the table. Only one student was quiet.  
  
Sitting at the teachers table, the newly re-instated DADA teacher Remus Lupin watched Harry with concern etched on his face. Harry was sitting silently, listlessly picking at his food. Halfway through the meal he got up and left the table.  
  
'I'm tired 'Mione, I think I'll go to bed.'  
  
Hermione and Ron watched him go with apprehension written all over their faces, but then they turned and immersed themselves in the conversation around them.  
  
Up in the dorm, two hours later, Harry was standing awake looking out the window. When Ron came up he pulled his sleeves down and turned to smile at him.  
  
'Harry, are you ok? You don't seem yourself. Is there anything that I can do?'  
  
Harry shook his head and smiled. 'Nope, I'm fine, I told you at the feast, I'm just tired.'  
  
'Harry, you have been up here for over 2 hours and it doesn't look like you have slept at all. Your bed isn't even touched. You can't be that tired if you won't go to sleep.'  
  
Harry opened his mouth to reply but was cut off by Ron's exclamation.  
  
'Hey look at this on the floor!'  
  
Glad of a distraction Harry turned to look at what Ron was pointing at.  
  
*SHIT*  
  
'It looks like.blood. But, how did blood get in our dorm?'  
  
'Maybe a house elf cut itself or something,' Harry suggested pathetically.  
  
'Don't say that to Herm,' Ron warned him. 'She's as mad as ever over those elves.'  
  
Harry grinned and climbed into bed.  
  
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\  
  
  
  
In the few months that followed Harry was cutting himself less and less.  
  
It was nearing Christmas and Harry and his friends were getting ready to go to Hogsmeade when Hedwig flew in the window. Harry gave her half a mince pie as he opened the letter.  
  
'Oh my Fucking Merlin!'  
  
The whole common room stilled in shock to hear the language coming out of the Boy Who Lived's mouth. He ran to the portrait and pushed it open before yelling back.  
  
'Go on without me. I'll catch you up.'  
  
He then tore down the corridor as if a pack of three headed dogs were after him. He skidded to a halt outside the headmasters office.  
  
'Sugar Quill,' He panted after taking another glance at the letter in his hand. He tore up the already moving steps and hammered on the door at the top. It opened and he raced inside only stopping when he crashed into Albus Dumbledore's desk.  
  
'Is.is it true Professor?' He asked quietly, and slumped his shoulders and turned away at the look in his eyes.  
  
'But. how.why?'  
  
'This letter should explain everything,' said Dumbledore handing him a piece of paper. 


	4. Authors Note

Authors Note  
  
I have written 14 chapters (about 90 pages) I wont upload anymore because I dunno if people like it or not. Please review if you want more ( Thanks 


	5. Chapter Three

Hey Guys, I'm so glad you like it. I only posted it less than 24 hours ago and I have gotten 14 reviews!!!!!!! Ok I just checked my email. Make that 15!!!!! You guys rock. Here is the next 5 or so chapters. Read and enjoy.  
  
  
  
  
  
Chapter 3  
  
Dear Harry, I thought that I would write to you before I do this. I don't know if you will even care but I thought it only right to write before it happens. I know what you have been through last year and I am really sorry. I also know what you have been doing. I found the sheet under your bed. I don't know how long you have been doing it but I am assuming you don't at school because I'm sure your life there is a lot better than your life here.  
  
I don't know if you have figured it out or not but Grunnings is bankrupt. We are three million in debt. Vernon is obviously under a lot of pressure and sometimes he does things that he doesn't mean to. He has also been drinking. We are going to have to move to a cheaper place and there won't be room for you there. We have had to pull Dudley out of Smeltings and we are sending him to Stonewall High. He is very distressed about this and he is a very strong boy.  
  
I realise that I am babbling and will come straight to the point. I cannot live in this tatty house and I cannot live with your uncle and Dudders with their mood swings. I am simply writing to say that I am sorry for the way I have treated you all your life. Lily's child deserved a lot better than that. Please forgive me, I am just so sorry.  
  
I have written a letter to your headmaster as well, but please don't read it.  
  
Your owl has just flown in the window. She is a clever creature. She is perched on my shoulder and rubbing her head against mine. You are lucky to have such a wonderful pet.  
  
Goodbye Harry. I hope you have a long and happy life. You deserve it. I suggest that you find another place to stay in the holidays as I can just about guarantee that you will not be welcome at the apartment in an estate in the East End.  
  
How ironic that we should end up here. Vernon always said that it was more disgraceful than having a freak like you in the family to live in the East End.  
  
Goodbye Harry.  
  
Love Petunia  
  
PS I have left you some of your mothers belongings that came to me when she died. I'm just sorry that I didn't give them to you before.  
  
Harry sat back stunned. 'D'you know how she did it?'  
  
'Yes, a letter from Arabella Figg arrived just after this one saying that she had been found with her wrists slashed.'  
  
Harry started laughing hysterically. 'Her wrists were slashed? Now that is funny, that's very funny.'  
  
Dumbledore looked at him strangely and Harry abruptly stopped laughing.  
  
'Well if that's all Professor, I think I'll go and join the others at Hogsmeade.'  
  
'No Harry, go ahead. I'll see you later.' Dumbledore watched Harry leave and shook his head. 'There is something amiss with that young one.'  
  
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\  
  
Harry walked through the hallways muttering to himself.  
  
'All my fault. she wouldn't have got the idea if it wasn't for me. I should have been more careful with the sheet. I should have known she would look under my bed.'  
  
He was in such a daze that he didn't notice Professor Snape look at him strangely and start following him.  
  
'Mr Potter, are you feeling alright? Mr Potter? MR POTTER!'  
  
Snape looked at the face of the boy. Although he didn't particularly like him, lets face it - he hated the sight of him, he was moved by the intense look of distress upon Harry's face that he couldn't help following him to make sure he was ok. He caught some of what Harry was saying to himself and called out.  
  
Harry didn't hear him until he shouted.  
  
'Oh, hello professor,' he said in a dazed tone. 'What are you doing here?'  
  
'Potter are you feeling alright? You look terrible.' Then as Snape realised that he was being nice he caught himself. 'Has your fan club broken up? Has one of your pathetic little admirers found another role model to attach themselves to? Has a devoted fan passed away?'  
  
He immediately felt a stab of guilt and horror and tears welled up in Harry's eyes.  
  
'Not a fan Professor,' Harry said softly looking at the ground. 'Just an enemy of thirteen years.'  
  
Then he turned and ran, hardly noticing as he knocked into Professor Lupin.  
  
Remus Lupin looked around in astonishment to see tears streaming down the face of The Boy Who Lived. 'Harry?'  
  
But Harry kept running until he had vanished around a corner.  
  
'Severus, what did you say to him?' Lupin asked as he walked over to a stunned Professor Snape.  
  
'Nothing worse than usual, he was muttering weirdly to himself and when I asked him what was wrong he just started crying and ran away.'  
  
'How did you phrase you question, Severus?' asked Lupin looking at him shrewdly.  
  
Snape shook his head. 'It wasn't cruel, it was just a taunt about his fan club that the little Weasley girl and the Creevy boys started.'  
  
'He came from Albus's office. I was on my way there as I assume you were too, to report on the.erm. situation. Lets ask him about it.  
  
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\  
  
Harry lay on the bed of his dorm with three new gashes in each wrist. He knew all his fellow fifth years were at Hogsmeade so he was in no danger of being disturbed.  
  
Tears ran down his face as he started mopping up the blood off his arm with the towels next to him.  
  
He was startled by a knock at the door. 'Harry,' came the sound of Lupins voice, muffled by the heavy oak door. 'Harry can we come in?'  
  
Harry jumped and hurriedly wiped the blood off his arm and hid the towels under Seamus's bed. In his hurry he forgot to replace the concealment charms.  
  
'Come in,' he said wearily as he pulled his sleeves down.  
  
He looked up to see Professor Lupin enter the room with, to his horror, Professor Snape.  
  
'Oh. um hi Professors. What brings you here?'  
  
'Well Harry both Professor Snape and myself saw you in the hallway and you looked quite distressed so we went to the Headmaster who told us that.that.' Lupin stopped and sniffed the air.  
  
He turned to Snape 'Can you smell something?'  
  
Snape bit back an angry answer 'No Lupin, I cant.'  
  
'It smells like blood.'  
  
Harry tried to look politely confused as Snape snarled back 'YOU would be able to smell blood a mile away, what with your animal instincts.'  
  
Lupin shrugged off the dig and turned back to Harry. 'Anyway as I was saying we heard that you had had some bad news and we wondered if you wanted someone to talk to.  
  
Harry, who was annoyed at being interrupted and smarting about Snape's remark to Lupin, spat 'And I have the sympathy of the ever so wonderful Professor Snape? Well wonder of wonders, next he will be joining one of my fan clubs and becoming one of my pathetic admirers, well if his sympathy is all that I can expect I would sooner go without! Which was what I was planning on doing anyway.' He muttered in a quieter tone.  
  
'Harry,' warned Lupin in a steely voice. 'Remember what you are saying,'  
  
Snape just stood in shock. Then he shook himself. He opened his mouth to retort but a glance from Lupin silenced him.  
  
'Harry we are only trying to help.' said Lupin gently.  
  
Harry threw his hands up in defeat. 'I know, I'm sorry professors, I didn't mean to ye - BUGGER, SHIT!'  
  
As Harry had thrown his hands up, the sleeves of his robes had slipped up his arms leaving his arms bare.  
  
The professors had a quick view of two arms covered in scars and cuts, a few of them still bleeding, before they were hustled out the door of the and it slammed and locked behind them.  
  
Harry fell against the wall in shock then jumped as the two professors started hammering on the door.  
  
'Harry, Harry open the door'  
  
'Potter don't be a fool, open the damn door.'  
  
Harry grabbed his Firebolt from beside his bed, and picking up his blade, he covered himself in his invisibility cloak and clambered out the window.  
  
Outside the door Lupin was using every unlocking charm he knew on the door while Snape was yelling at the younger children who had crowded around.  
  
Ron and Hermione heard shouting as they climbed in through the portrait hole and ran to see what was happening. They pushed their way through a crowd of first years who were crowded around Ron and Harry's dorm.  
  
What met their eyes was Professor Lupin alternately banging and casting spell on the door of the door to the boys room. Snape was yelling at the younger students and shouting spells at Lupin.  
  
Suddenly Snape saw Ron and Hermione and beckoned them up the stairs.  
  
'Weasley, Granger how can we get in to this room?'  
  
Ron and Hermione were staring at him as if he had gone mad but Ron handed him a key saying 'No spells can unlock this door, Professor Lupin should know that but here's the key.'  
  
'LUPIN!' Shouted Snape. 'Here's the key.'  
  
Lupin snatched the key and opened the door. Both he and Snape ran in to the room to find it empty.  
  
'Um, Professors,' said Hermione timidly 'what's going on?'  
  
'Hermione!' said Lupin grabbing her arm tightly. 'How could Harry have got out of this room with the door locked?'  
  
'Harry?' asked Hermione suddenly frightened 'what's wrong with Harry,'  
  
'We don't know Hermione, we were trying to find out before he locked us out.'  
  
'Where would he go Miss Granger?' interjected Snape.  
  
It was Ron who spoke up. 'I think he flew out the window. His broom has gone and it was there this morning, and the window is open.' He didn't mention the invisibility cloak that was also missing.  
  
'DAMMIT!' yelled Lupin kicking the wall.  
  
'Careful Lupin,' warned Snape. 'Weasley, Granger don't mention this to him when you next see him pretend you don't know about anything that has happened here. We will speak to him ourselves'  
  
He and Lupin turned and made their way down the stairs. Snape stopped to warn the younger children not to mention what had just happened to anyone or they all would have a month of detentions, and the they both swept out of the common room.  
  
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\  
  
  
  
Harry flew out the window without any real plan as to where he was going. When he looked around he realised that he was heading in the direction of Sirius's cave. He decided that since he was already half way there he might as well continue.  
  
He flew down to mouth of the cave and called out 'Sirius, are you there? Can I come in?'  
  
'Sure Harry,'  
  
Harry took off the invisibility cloak and rushed in to the cave. He bowed to Buckbeak the Hippogriff and ran over to Sirius.  
  
'So why aren't you in school young man?' asked Sirius, ruffling Harry's hair.  
  
'Uncle Vernon's company collapsed, they had to move to the East End. I think Vernon and Dudley were hitting Petunia. She killed herself.' Harry ended before breaking down into tears.  
  
'Sh.she was the only p.person who was even relatively nice to me in that house. Dumbledore wrote to her about the tri-wizard tournament and she was sympathetic. In the last week that I was with her she was really kind. She saved me from being beaten by Vernon. She even got them out of the house so that they wouldn't cause a scene when you picked me up that day. They only kept me in the first place because she insisted because I was her sisters child. Now I have no where to live because there is no room in their new home and I would just end up being a punching bag for Dudley and Vernon.'  
  
Harry sat on the floor crying for what seemed like hours. Sirius just sat next to him and hugged him. Harry suddenly dried his eyes and sat up.  
  
'And then I had an argument with Snape and Lupin and I said a lot of stuff I shouldn't to Snape. And then they saw.er.I mean.I flew out the window and came here.'  
  
Sirius frowned slightly at the conclusion of his recount 'Harry. why did you fly out the window? Wouldn't it make more sense to leave the castle first?'  
  
'Well, I had actually locked Snape and Lupin out by then and they were banging on the door and trying to open it so that option wasn't really available.'  
  
Sirius chuckled at the thought of his godson locking Snape and Lupin out of the dorm and flying out the window. Then a thought struck him.  
  
'Harry, why did you lock them out?'  
  
Harry hesitated 'um.er.well I was upset, yeah, and I didn't want to talk to them.'  
  
Harry glanced up to see if Sirius had bought the story. Sirius was looking doubtful and opened his mouth to say something when a voice sounded from outside.  
  
'Sirius it's Remus, can I come in?'  
  
'Don't tell him I was here,' implored Harry.  
  
Sirius looked at the face of his dead best friend, whose wife's eyes were begging and pleading with him for this one small favour, and he nodded and pushed Harry into a dark corner with his cloak and broom.  
  
'Leave as soon as you have the chance. Sure come in Moony.'  
  
Remus walked in and looked around suspiciously. 'Was someone here? I thought I heard voices.'  
  
'Nope,' replied Sirius glancing into the corner. 'I was just talking to myself.'  
  
'Hmmmm. Well, Sirius I wanted to talk to you about Harry.'  
  
Remus began the story and was up to the part where he had begun to smell blood when he stopped and looked at Sirius.  
  
'Not boring you am I Padfoot?'  
  
'No, sorry, please continue,' said Sirius arranging his face into what he hoped was an 'I am very interested and I've never heard this story before' kind of expression.  
  
Apparently it didn't work.  
  
'Ok I am sure you have already heard one version of the story. I knew I heard voices. Is he gone?'  
  
'Yeah, he waved as he flew out of the cave mouth just as you went into Dumbledore's office.' He shrugged sheepishly 'He's James's son, what could I do?'  
  
'Well you can listen to my version of the story which I am sure is more accurate than his.'  
  
Sirius listened open mouthed to the rest of the story.  
  
'I take it he didn't tell you anything like that.'  
  
Sirius shook his head wordlessly as another voice sounded from outside the cave.  
  
'Sirius, its Ron and Hermione, can we come in, are you there?'  
  
Lupin looked at Sirius and shrugged. 'They're going to find out anyway, perhaps they already know something that we don't.'  
  
Sirius nodded and called them in.  
  
After bowing to Buckbeak Ron and Hermione ran in.  
  
'We wanted to talk to you about Harry, Sirius,' began Hermione, then broke off as she saw Lupin. 'Oh, I didn't know you were here Professor, ummm.'  
  
She looked at Ron for support. 'Yeah,' he added, 'we'll come back later, shall we.'  
  
They turned to leave.  
  
'Wait a moment you two. You aren't going to get away so easily.'  
  
Ron and Hermione turned, reluctantly.  
  
'I am here to talk to Sirius about Harry as well so we may as well all talk together.'  
  
Hermione glanced at Ron and they sat down.  
  
'Well,' prompted Sirius. 'what did you want to say.'  
  
'It's just that after he and Professor Snape left, Dean, Seamus and Neville came back and Seamus was looking under his bed for some Fizzing Wizzbee's that he dropped and he found this under his bed.'  
  
Ron held out a badly blood stained towel.  
  
'And none of us had ever seen it before, and after what we witnessed with you and Snape, we thought it might have something to do with Harry.' Hermione finished.  
  
'Well this only confirms what I already thought.' Remus said heavily.  
  
Sirius nodded  
  
There was a long silence before Ron broke it. 'Confirms what? We told you what we know so now it's your turn. Spill!'  
  
Remus glanced at Sirius before looking back at them. 'Alright,' he said, 'but you won't like it.'  
  
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\  
  
When Remus Lupin finished explaining the events of earlier in the day Ron and Hermione sat silently in shock. Hermione was the one who finally broke the silence.  
  
'Well, I mean it makes sense when you think about it. He has the right background and circumstances to be someone who does.this.'  
  
'What? How do you know all this? You don't.you know.do you?'  
  
'Of course not Ron, don't be so stupid. I.'  
  
'Read about it in a book!' the other three finished for her.  
  
'Well, what if I did, it's not a crime.' She returned defiantly.  
  
'I've never seen a book on whatever this thing is called, before.'  
  
'It's called self-mutilation, Ron, and muggles have plenty of books about it. I've got some that I brought for some reading this year because I want to do a course in psychology in a muggle university when I'm older.'  
  
The men just looked at her dumfounded and then continued talking.  
  
'I don't think any of us should mention this conversation to him.' Said Sirius.  
  
'You're not just a pretty face are you, Padfoot,' mocked Lupin. 'Although, seriously, I don't think you two should let on that you know his secret. I'm sure that he knows that you know, Sirius, I'll warn Snape not to mention it and then I'll speak to Dumbledore.'  
  
'What do you mean, you will speak to Dumbledore? He's my godson so I will too.'  
  
'Can't we all go and speak to Professor Dumbledore? I mean, I've been thinking and I am starting to see where this all adds up.'  
  
'What do you mean Hermione?'  
  
'Well, Sir, its just now that I look back I realise how obvious it is that he has been doing it.'  
  
'How so?'  
  
'For instance on the train coming up to Hogwarts Harry got up to speak to Cho Chang. He has a bit of a crush on her.'  
  
'I see,' interjected Sirius grinning. 'so my godson is straight. I was beginning to wonder.'  
  
Lupin gave him a strange look and Hermione continued.  
  
'.as I was saying he likes her but she was Cedric Diggory's girlfriend. And so Harry gets up to speak to her, and she looks at him like he is the son of You Know Who and runs to the next carriage.'  
  
'I'm sorry for butting in Hermione, but I don't quite see where this is going.'  
  
Well, Professor, we pretended that we hadn't noticed anything and Harry was a bit quiet which was to be expected. But he kept his hand in his robe pocket and it looked like he was fingering something.'  
  
Sirius and Ron both gave a shout of laughter at this statement and Hermione blushed when she realised what she had said. Lupin, however, glared at them and told her to continue.  
  
'Well suddenly he got up and left. He was gone a fair while but when he came back he was looking calmer and more relaxed.'  
  
'Hermione that isn't really hard evi.'  
  
'Hang on,' shouted Ron. 'I remember that. I didn't see the look on his face but I remember noticing a dark stain on the sleeve of his robes that I could have sworn wasn't there before and he was holding his arm all weird.'  
  
'See!'  
  
'And, like, whenever Malfoy insults him or makes a dig at him because he is an orphan or whatever, Harry always disappears shortly after that.'  
  
'And on the first day of school when he left the beginning of term feast early, claiming he was tired, but and when I went up to the dorm later he was awake, just staring out the window and there was blood on the floor.'  
  
'Yeah, and.'  
  
'Ok, we're getting the picture.'  
  
'Well I think its time to return to the school. Sirius, are you coming to see Dumbledore?'  
  
Sirius nodded and transformed into a shaggy black dog and they all left the cave. 


	6. Chapter Four

Chapter 4  
  
Dinner that night was a very sobering affair. Harry didn't turn up because he was asleep on his bed upstairs. Ron and Hermione were hardly eating. They were tense and itching to get up out of their seats to go and check on Harry.  
  
At the teachers table Dumbledore was sitting lost in thought and the twinkle seemed to have left his blue eyes.  
  
To the amazement of all present Severus Snape and Remus Lupin were sitting together, away from everyone else and were muttering earnestly to each other, while Remus fed scraps to a black dog under the table.  
  
When Ron and Hermione had eaten as much as they could force down their throats, they got up and ran down out of the Great Hall. People watched them and wondered if there was a fire somewhere that they did not know about.  
  
When they got upstairs they found Harry fast asleep on his bed, half covered by his invisibility cloak.  
  
He was so tired that he didn't stir when they took off his glasses and put him, fully clothed, into bed. As they were covering him up Hermione let out a quavering sob.  
  
'Oh Ron look at his arms.'  
  
Harry had forgotten to re apply the concealing charms in all that had happened that afternoon and his arms were exposed for all to see. They were covered in angry red slashes. There were so many new ones that it was hard to see the scars of the old ones.  
  
Ron pulled down Harry's sleeves. 'Leave him Herm, go to bed and get some rest.  
  
'Wait, I think he had been using concealment charms. This will prevent him from concealing them from us again.'  
  
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\  
  
Harry awoke at one in the morning. He put on his glasses and gazed about the room, trying to remember how he had gotten there. With a jolt he remembered all the events of the day and he wanted to curl up in shame at the fact that Lupin and Snape knew his secret. He was sure that Lupin had told Sirius and he had seen Ron and Hermione clambering up the rocks to the cave as he had flown away. They hadn't seen him as he was under the invisibility cloak. So they probably knew now too.  
  
And Lupin being a Professor and Hermione being Hermione, Dumbledore probably knew now as well.  
  
'Dammit all,' he said to himself. 'I'm not supposed to show any weaknesses. I'm the frigging Boy Who Lived. I'm not supposed to have these problems or at least, no one is supposed to know my weaknesses.' He fumbled around in his pocket for his blade.  
  
Not being able to find any skin that wasn't torn or red he sliced through the half healed gashes that were already there.  
  
He nearly screamed in fright as a pair of arms grabbed him and another pair twisted the blade away. Harry turned to see Hermione with tears running down her face and Ron picking up the blade that had fallen to the ground.  
  
Harry took a running jump and floored Ron. He kicked his blade under the bed and pushed Ron against the wall. 'Never, ever disturb me when I'm doing this, Ron.'  
  
He turned and picked up the blade and threw it in his trunk and magically locked it.  
  
'And don't touch my things again!' He punched him in the face.  
  
He turned to Hermione who was cowering against the wall.  
  
'And you just mind you own fucking business. Now.GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE!'  
  
She turned and stumbled from the room.  
  
'Wha.what's going on Harry? Are you being killed?' Dean asked as he half woke up.  
  
'Nuh, just Ron and Hermione unable to mind their own bloody business. Go back to sleep.'  
  
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\  
  
The next day Harry got up before anyone else. He tried to put the concealing charm back on his arms, cursing himself for forgetting twice in one day, and went down to Quidditch training. He was there for an hour before the rest of the team turned up. They practised for two hours and then Harry went to get some breakfast.  
  
Ron and Hermione were already there eating toast in a twitchy, nervous manner. Ron was sporting a spectacularly black eye.  
  
'Ron what did ya do to your eye?' asked George as he walked past him to get to an empty seat.  
  
'Nuthin, just knocked it on a book shelf in the library with Herm.'  
  
'That'll teach you to go into library's. They're evil places.'  
  
Harry walked past Ron and Hermione, glaring at them and sat with the Quidditch team as he ate.  
  
'Harry,' said a voice behind his ear. 'Do you feel like coming for a chat with me, Snuffles and Professor Snape after your morning lessons?'  
  
'Do I have a choice?' asked Harry sulkily.  
  
'Not really,' Lupin smiled back. 'Well, I'll see you then Harry.'  
  
Harry glared after him. 'Why the fuck do I have to talk to him, let alone Snape?' he grumbled to himself.  
  
'Something wrong?' asked Fred who was sitting opposite him and copped the full force of his glare.  
  
'Nope, just Snape.' replied Harry, which after all was kind of true.  
  
Harry got up to leave the table but was stopped by Ron and Hermione.  
  
'Harry can we just.'  
  
'No you cannot just anything.' He pushed passed them and then stopped and turned around.  
  
'Actually there is something you can do,'  
  
They looked at him hopefully.  
  
'STAY OUT OF MY FUCKING LIFE!'  
  
The whole of the Great Hall stopped in shock as Harry stormed out leaving a stunned Ron who had his arm around Hermione who had dissolved into tears.  
  
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\  
  
The whole Potions class was working in silence when a small boy knocked on the door with a message for Snape. He read it, excused himself and hurriedly left the room.  
  
Whispers started in the corners of the room and were soon raised so that the entire room was talking.  
  
Malfoy however was sitting in silence. It wasn't like Potter to fight with his friends. It wasn't like Potter to retreat within himself and not talk or communicate with anyone. And he had been doing it a lot this year. As much as Malfoy hated to admit it, he was worried about Harry Potter. He decided to try and get him to talk.  
  
'Oi Potter,' Malfoy called across the room. 'Have you and your ickle friends had a fight? I warned you on the first day of school that you shouldn't hang around with riff raff like a Weasley and a Mudblood.'  
  
'Shut up Malfoy.'  
  
'Awww, is little Potter trying to get big strong Malfoy to be quiet. He's gonna have to twy just a wittle harder than that if he wants to succeed.  
  
Poor Little Potter, can't find any friends, has no parents, and I heard that he drove his muggle family to their deaths and now he is homeless as well.'  
  
Malfoy didn't know of course what had happened. He was just making stuff up to try and draw Harry out.  
  
Harry gave a half yell, half snarl and launched himself at Malfoy who hadn't expected anything like that and wasn't ready. Harry flung him across an empty cauldron and punched him three times in the face. He pulled his arm back for a fourth punch when he suddenly froze. He started laughing hysterically. He turned to the class.  
  
'You know what, he's right.'  
  
The class were frozen in their places. Harry turned to face Draco and pulled him up.  
  
'Hey thanks, you're smarter than I thought.'  
  
He pulled his sleeves up because he was sweating from his fight. The class gasped collectively. Malfoy was the first to find his voice.  
  
'Po.Potter, what the hell have you done to your arms?'  
  
Harry pulled his sleeves down and glared at him before racing out the door and up the stairs away from the dungeons.  
  
'You fool, Malfoy,' said Ron after the whole class had just stared at each other for a full minute. 'His Aunt killed herself last week. And you go and say stupid things like that.'  
  
'How was I 'sposed to know? I'm not telepathic. Anyway you're his friends, what was wrong with his arms?'  
  
'He's been cutting himself, if that wasn't bloody obvious enough, Malfoy. He has been doing it heaps recently. Especially since Cedric's death.' spat Hermione.  
  
'That's how Ron got his black eye, Harry hit him when we were trying to stop him doing it last night. That's why he won't talk to us today.'  
  
'Do any teachers know about it?' asked Parvati.  
  
'We only realised what he was doing yesterday, he's pretty good at hiding it, but Snape, Lupin and Dumbledore know.'  
  
'So let us recap,' said Malfoy sarcastically, 'I was just yelling at a boy, saying that his only living relatives killed themselves because of him, when in reality his Aunt just killed herself. He is fighting with his friends and he has a history of self abuse. Now this boy has just had a fight. Is behaving hysterically and irrationally. He has slash marks all up his arms and now is somewhere in this huge castle by himself with a deadly blade and a death wish. Now whose going to be the genius who figures out what he is doing?'  
  
'Fucking Hell!'  
  
'Oh wait, I think it's the red headed Weasley boy. Come on down and claim your prize. Tonight's first prize is a dead best mate. A once in a lifetime opportunity.'  
  
No one stopped to try and fathom why a muggle hating Malfoy was using muggle game show language.  
  
Every one bolted for the door just as Snape came back in.  
  
'Now what is going on here. I think this means 50 points from Gryffindor. Now will someone care to explain how Draco became covered in blood and why that cauldron has been knocked over?'  
  
It took another ten minutes to explain to Snape what had happened but it only took 30 seconds for the whole class to get out the door of the dungeon.  
  
Pansy Parkinson was sent to alert Dumbledore and Parvati was sent to Lupin.  
  
Hermione was hysterical with worry because no one knew where to look.  
  
Then she squealed 'I know where he is, didn't he find the mirror of Erised again?'  
  
'Yes he did, but he didn't tell us where it was. Professor Lupin, where's the Mirror of Erised kept these days?' Ron asked as the said person came running up to them.  
  
'Follow me,' Lupin started jogging up the hall followed by Snape, Malfoy, Ron and Hermione. The rest of the class just stood in silence, waiting hopefully.  
  
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\  
  
Lupin slowed and stopped in front of a door. He pushed it open warily.  
  
'Fucking Merlin, oh shit, Harry!'  
  
Snape looked in and recoiled. He turned to Ron and Draco, 'Don't let Miss Granger see.'  
  
Hermione, however had ideas of her own. She pushed past Snape and ran into the room.  
  
The first thing she saw was a note on the floor in Harry's handwriting saying  
  
'It's all my fault. I'm Sorry. It's all over now.'  
  
She turned her head to the corner, all the colour drained from her face and she collapsed into a faint.  
  
Ron and Malfoy ran in as Snape was lighting a fire to call Madam Pomfrey. They stopped dead behind Hermione and Ron turned his head and threw up into a corner. Malfoy's knees were weak as he bent to revive Hermione.  
  
'Really Severus I don't see the need to shout, I'm not deaf.oh Merlin' said Madam Pomfrey as she stepped out of the fire.  
  
Albus Dumbledore heard yells and hysterical sobbing as he entered the room where he stored the Mirror of Erised. He pushed open the door and gasped as he looked around the room. 


	7. Chapter Five Kinda short and huge cliffh...

Chapter 5  
  
Albus Dumbledore had seen a lot of terrible things in his life. But none so bad as the scene that greeted him.  
  
Hermione Granger looked as though she was coming around from a fainting spell. She was pale and sobbing hysterically as Draco Malfoy lifted her and carried her from the room.  
  
Ron Weasley was crouched up in the corner of the room heaving up his lungs.  
  
Severus Snape was pacing up and down in a corner. His face was so white he looked almost dead and his black hair and eyes juxtaposed his pale skin.  
  
Remus Lupin was visibly shaking as he helped Madam Pomfrey, who had tears running down her cheeks lift the limp, lifeless body of Harry Potter: The Boy Who Lived.  
  
His arms were hanging flaccid by his side and blood was streaming out of the deep wounds in each. His head lolled to one side as Lupin heaved him over his shoulder and stepped into the fire that Snape had just thrown some Floo Powder into. As they disappeared into the flames, the eerie smile on Harry's pallid face frightened him.  
  
'The Hospital Wing.'  
  
Never had Dumbledore here any words spoken that sounded so barren and dead.  
  
He watched as Madam Pomfrey muttered the same words and stepped into the fire.  
  
Dumbledore heaved a sigh and turned to leave the room, now empty except for a mirror which had shown Harry what he could never have and a pool of crimson sticky liquid.  
  
As he turned to Professor Snape who was standing outside the door waiting his eyes caught a glimpse of something shining in the corner. He bent down and picked up the small but deadly blade.  
  
The steel reminded him of death. Cold and rigid. He shuddered and left the room, closing the door firmly behind him.  
  
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\  
  
The school was in a state of shock. They were gathered in the Great Hall for dinner, but no one was eating.  
  
The room was all but silent. All that could be heard was the whining of a great black dog that sat at Lupins feet.  
  
Hermione was crying silently on Ron's shoulder. They hadn't been allowed in with Harry, only Madam Pomfrey and Dumbledore were allowed to see him. He was rubbing her back in circular motions trying to calm her down. His eyes were rimmed red and they stood out against his pale face. The fifth years all looked grim and ashen. The Weasley twins looked quite unlike themselves. No one in the Great Hall had ever seen them without their characteristic laughing twinkle in their eyes.  
  
The whole Gryffindor table was sitting still and silent.  
  
The Hufflepuff table seemed to be lost in memories of the end of last year and Cedric's unfortunate death.  
  
The Ravenclaw's were looking at each other warily, every so often glancing at the Gryffindor table. Padma Patil had abandoned her fellow Ravenclaws to sit with her sister, Partvati.  
  
The Slytherin's didn't seem to know whether they should be looking happy or sad. Draco Malfoy was pacing up and down the wall behind his house's table.  
  
Every person was tense, some waiting for Dumbledore to come and tell them that it was all ok and that it had all been a misunderstanding and an over- reaction too a trivial matter, other's who were more realistic were waiting to be told that there was a crisis but it had passed. Every person in the room was waiting for some reassurance.  
  
They would all wait in vain.  
  
It was eleven o'clock at night and still nobody had moved. All the food had disappeared from the tables and people were resting their heads and arms on the table.  
  
Hermione had stopped crying and was sitting stiff and straight. Her eyes were red rimmed and unfocused. Ron had his head in his hands.  
  
Malfoy was still pacing up and down the room.  
  
The teachers had tried to send the students to bed but no one would move. They had given up and were sitting quietly.  
  
Hagrid's shoulders were shaking and Professor Flitwick was trying to comfort him.  
  
Lupin had moved and was sitting on the floor, absentmindedly patting the black dog.  
  
Snape's eyes that were usually glittering with malice were empty as he spoke in whispers with Minerva McGonagall.  
  
The door to the Great Hall swung open and Dumbledore was standing in the threshold. He didn't look surprised to see every one still there.  
  
Draco Malfoy froze in his tracks and swung around to face Dumbledore.  
  
Ron lifted his head from his hands to gaze at his mentor.  
  
Hermione jumped up and ran over to him and grabbed his arm. 'Professor?' her voice cracked with worry.  
  
The big black dog sprang up and Lupin was holding it back.  
  
Dumbledore gazed around the room. Every eye was fixed on him. He opened his mouth and everyone waited expectantly. 


	8. Chapter Six

Chapter 6  
  
'I'm Sorry.'  
  
Dumbledore's voice was weary and his shoulders slumped defeated.  
  
Hermione let out a noise between a scream of anguish and a howl of despair.  
  
'No!'  
  
Ron slumped down in his chair with tears running down his face. Dean and Seamus tried to comfort him, but he pushed them away.  
  
Malfoy slid down the wall and put his head between his knees.  
  
Professor McGonagall dissolved into tears and wrapped her head in her hands as her shoulders shook.  
  
Hagrid was crying loudly his voice echoing around the room.  
  
The black dogs tail drooped between its legs and it started howling. Lupin had his arms around it and was staring unseeingly and the wall.  
  
Snape got up so quickly that his chair fell backwards and the back of it cracked. He strode out of the room with his robes billowing out behind him.  
  
Fred and George had their arms around Ginny and were looking at each other, their expressions mirroring the others disbelief.  
  
Nearly every girl in the room was crying while the boys tried to comfort them.  
  
Cho had fainted dead away.  
  
Dumbledore looked around at his students and colleagues. The whole room was a hysterical mess.  
  
'Why Harry?' he muttered. 'Don't you realise what you have done?'  
  
He sunk down into the nearest chair buried his face in his hands.  
  
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\  
  
The next few days were the grimmest that Hogwarts had ever seen.  
  
While classes were still held, barely anyone turned up. The few who did only attended to keep their minds off what was happening around them, but it hardly helped. The Professors hadn't set any work so all that the students could do was copy from a text book.  
  
No one in the school smiled for a week. Not even Peeves had the heart to play any tricks.  
  
Hermione had gone into a form of depression. She simply sat in a stupor all day.  
  
She had tried to study but every time she picked up a book all she could see was Harry, berating her for studying to hard. She tried practising spells, but they only reminded her of the times when she had had to tutor Harry so that he could pass a test, or for the Tri-wizard contest.  
  
Every thing that she did reminded her of Harry so she stopped doing anything at all. She just sat, staring at a wall trying to make her mind as blank as the stone she was facing.  
  
Ron spent the time on his hands trying to comfort those around him. While some found it strange, he felt it was helping him to accept it.  
  
What it was actually doing, however, was suppressing his feelings and directing his energy else where so that he didn't have to feel it himself.  
  
Dumbledore spent all of his time in his office. Sitting with Fawkes on his shoulder he sat in silence.  
  
The twinkle had finally left his eyes and all that was left was a cold void.  
  
Professor Snape, however was working. He worked harder than he ever had before.  
  
From the time he had left the hall on that fateful evening he had only left the dungeons once. He had locked himself up and only admitted the house elves who had brought him food.  
  
He had left just this once to ask Dumbledore to freeze Harry's body and post pone the funeral for a month. Dumbledore had looked at him like he was mad.  
  
'But, why Severus?'  
  
'I daren't tell you, Albus, for fear of disappointing you but I am begging you, don't do anything with the body. Please Albus.'  
  
Dumbledore looked at him for what seemed like eternity before nodding his head, looking defeated.  
  
'Alright, one month but no longer. Now leave, I have to write a letter to his muggle relatives, informing them.'  
  
'Don't do that just yet, Albus. Wait until my month is up. Then let them know.'  
  
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\  
  
For two weeks Severus Snape did not leave his dungeons. All potions classes had been cancelled until further notice. When eventually he did appear, he had dark circles under his eyes and his skin was even more sallow than any one had ever seen it. He disappeared for a day and returned with all different, suspicious looking parcels. He then wasn't seen out of his dungeons for another week. The school had privately declared him mad.  
  
All lessons, excepting potions, had resumed and only those closest to Harry still found it difficult to attend classes.  
  
Hermione flat out refused to leave Gryffindor Tower for any reason and when Ron did make it to class he left, nearly in tears before it had progressed very far.  
  
The rest of the Weasley family rallied around trying to cheer up the duo, but they all failed.  
  
The rest of the school was also trying to help, including the Slytherins. When ever Ron was seen in the hallways - Hermione was never seen anywhere - people smiled at him sympathetically and muttered words of comfort to him as they passed.  
  
The teachers had almost given up trying to persuade Hermione down from the Tower and turned their attention to helping Ron through the day.  
  
Hagrid was still teaching Care of Magical Creature but mainly gave them easy tasks, such as feeding Puffskeins, and sat on the silently on the ground until the lesson was over or until a student needed help.  
  
Draco Malfoy still went to his classes but he had abandoned Crabbe and Goyle for the Gryffindor 5th years. He sat with Ron in class, and always followed him out when his emotions got the better of him, he felt guilty for causing Harry's death and was trying to up for his tactless stupidity.  
  
He sat with Hermione in the Tower and read her favourite book 'Pride and Prejudice' to her for hours on end.  
  
Professor Lupin had continued teaching classes, but he lacked the enthusiasm that he used to have. His new pet, whom he called Snuffles, was always in the room with him just sitting or lying with his tail between his legs. Although there was plenty of food for it to eat, it remained untouched and the dog was steadily growing thinner.  
  
Divination was the only lesson that had been thoroughly abandoned by students and Professor Trelawny had been fired.  
  
One of Ron first classes when he began taking lessons again was a double Divination. To the horror of every person in the room, Trelawny had started gloating about how she had known all along that this was Harry's fate.  
  
'My dears, I tried to warn him, every lesson I did but some people who do not possess the power to see past the mundane refuse to believe. They think that they know everything and will not see that a person, with a greater knowledge of what is coming to pass, is trying to help them.  
  
I did try to warn him, Merlin knows I did.' Here she had paused and dabbed at her eyes dramatically. 'But he would not see. Well, I have been consulting with the fates and have foreseen that I am going to write my memoirs on this event, and they will be a best seller. I do believe that a lot of good will come out of this tragedy. Alas I have also foreseen that Harry, may he rest on peace, will come out of all this looking like the, if I may be so bold as to use the word, fool. He will be known by every person in the world, not as the Boy Who Lived Only to Suffer Terrible Tragedy, but as the foolish young man who would not listen to his teachers' warnings. He will be used as an example to all children of what happens when a person gets too egotistical and lets their - '  
  
'You fucking sadistic cow,' shouted Ron furiously as he leapt off his seat. 'of all the callous, unfeeling, cowardly, shitty things to say about Harry.'  
  
The remainder of the class were all on their feet as well shouting at their Professor.  
  
Lavender and Parvati, who had been her two most devoted students were mouthing wordlessly.  
  
Every student froze however when Professors McGonagall and Dumbledore walked in to the room. They all ran to their seats and waited for the thunderbolt to fall upon their heads.  
  
Dumbledore opened his mouth and the students flinched before he said 'please return to your respective common rooms where a teacher will be with you shortly.'  
  
No one ever found out what happened after the trapdoor closed above the last student to leave but Trelawny was never again seen at the castle.  
  
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\  
  
While all had been happening Professor Severus Snape had been standing over a cauldron, stirring feverishly, adding ingredients and muttering incantations. Now, with a week to go before the funeral he had one last task to do.  
  
Students were in the corridors on their was to their next class when the magically magnified voice of their eccentric potions professor asked every student and teacher in the in the castle who had loved Harry in one way or another to assemble outside the dungeons.  
  
When he looked out of the door, the corridor was jam packed. He smiled anxiously and clapped his hands for their attention.  
  
'Now, I am not about to tell you what I am doing, but if you will participate you might be part of the most revolutionary event of all time. I would like every person here to come in to this room and place a strand of their hair and a drop of their blood in this cauldron. When you do that you will stir it once and tell the potion what you loved most about Harry. Then you will have to cry so that 3 of your tears will fall into the cauldron. Then you may leave.'  
  
Bewildered, students and teachers alike began muttering about insane potions professors but they all did what he asked. As each person did what they had been instructed to he ticked them off a list. When the last person came in he counted the list and then banged his head on the wall with tears trickling down his face.  
  
'One bloody person short. Four hundred and ninety nine shitty people who loved the Boy and I need five hundred! Damn and fuck it all.'  
  
Then he lifted his head and began to smile. He rechecked the list and a grin lit up his tearstained face.  
  
He raced off down the hall leaving a startled Neville Longbottom to cry his last tear into the potion before leaving. 


	9. Chapter Seven

Chapter 7  
  
If any poor unsuspecting person had happened to have been in Severus Snape's private section of the dungeons that afternoon they would have witnessed a bizarre event.  
  
Professor Snape, upon returning to the dungeons after apparently running away from Neville, was straining to pull a huge, black shaggy dog down the corridor. The dog was growling and snapping while trying to escape from the iron grip that held its leash.  
  
If the person watching this encounter had been able to see through solid walls they would have been even more surprised when they witnessed Snape, having got the dog into the room, shouting foul language at it and yelling 'Its for Harry you fool, not for me for Harry.' As if the dog understood what was being said.  
  
This, fortunately fictional, person would have been even more shocked when they observed the dog turn into a man and, after uttering some dangerous threats, pull out a hair, cut himself, start muttering under his breath and then begin to cry. After completing these activities the man then turned back into a dog and after growling at Snape who was giddy with relief, turn the doorknob with his paw and run down the corridor.  
  
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\  
  
At lunch , the main topic of conversation was the peculiar behaviour of their hated greasy potions professor. The students had never seen him do anything other than scowl and take off house points, so this new side of him was a shock.  
  
Neville had told the other boys in his dorm about the slightly hysterical behaviour that Snape had been showing when he was in the dungeons. This gossip had spread like wild fire through the school.  
  
'It was so weird, he was going through some papers when he started cursing and swearing about how only four hundred and ninety nine people loved the Boy, I assume he meant Harry, when he needed five hundred. Then he started crying and banging his head on the wall. Next thing I know he is smiling again and running out of the room.'  
  
Neville was telling Ron and Hermione in the common room when Hermione squeaked and ran to the portrait of the Fat Lady, pushed it open and ran out.  
  
'Was it something I said?' queried Neville as he and Ron stood staring after her.  
  
'I dunno,'  
  
'Where d'you think she went?'  
  
'When Hermione gets that look on her face it can only mean one thing.'  
  
'The Library.' They finished together.  
  
'Wait here, Neville, I'll go and find her.'  
  
Ron left the common room with Neville went up to the dorm.  
  
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\  
  
When Ron found Hermione, she was arguing furiously with Madam Pince.  
  
'Please, ma'am, I'm not going to do anything bad with it. I just need to read it.'  
  
Madam Pince was shaking her head.  
  
'But I think I know what Snape is doing and it's really important.'  
  
Madam Pince finally nodded her head reluctantly  
  
'But only you can go in to the Restricted Section, Miss Granger. Not Mr Weasley, I know what he and Mr Potter are li - that is to say.was like. I mean, well um, go ahead Miss Granger.'  
  
Ten minutes later Hermione came tearing out of the Restricted Section.  
  
'I knew it, I just knew that it sounded familiar, I should have guessed when he wanted everyone's blood and stuff, but it just didn't click.'  
  
She ran out of the library calling back to Ron  
  
'Go to dinner and save me some, I dunno if I'll be there or not.'  
  
People in the corridors stared as Hermione ran past.  
  
Many hadn't seen her since Dumbledore had announced Harry's demise and those who had, had only seen her staring at a wall in the Gryffindor common room or being held up by Ron and Dean Thomas outside Snape's private dungeons.  
  
Yet here she was, running through the Castle and laughing.  
  
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\  
  
Professor Snape was at a tricky part of his experiment.  
  
He needed to chant an incantation but he needed at least two people to do it.  
  
He was staring at the cauldron murderously wondering who he could ask without raising suspicions when Hermione ran in.  
  
He looked up with a shock to see the now thin and usually pale girl, flushed and out of breath leaning on the doorframe.  
  
'The Resurgence Potion, professor?'  
  
He gaped at her for a moment before smiling relieved.  
  
'You always were to much of a know it all for your own good, Miss Granger.'  
  
'Does anyone else know what you are making?'  
  
'Not even Albus, but I think he has his suspicions. How did you know?'  
  
Well, when we made the Polyjuice so we could change into Crabbe and Goy. er I mean when I was reading Moste Potente Potions.um in Flourish and Blotts, at the beginning of the year.'  
  
Snape just looked at her.  
  
'Crabbe and Goyle?'  
  
'Um, yes, we wanted to know if Malfoy knew who the heir of Slytherin was in our second year, so we um.'  
  
'I see. Continue'  
  
'Well I read about the potion, and I remember wondering why it had never been attempted before, when I realised that it would be very difficult to find five hundred people who all loved one person enough to bring them back from the dead. And then when I heard Neville saying how upset you were at there only being four ninety nine I started to realise. I went to the library and checked. And then I was sure.'  
  
'Well, Miss Granger, now you are here you can help me with this next part.'  
  
It was halfway through the last period of the day when to chanting voices echoed around the castle.  
  
The words they spoke were unintelligible but they rang with power. The words were suddenly cut off and the everyone stared around in amazement.  
  
Albus Dumbledore was sitting in his office when he recognised the incantation. He looked up in wonderment before throwing some powder into the fire in his office and stepping in. When he stepped pout of the fire he was blinded by a white burning light showering from the cauldron in the middle of the room. When his eyes adjusted he could see Hermione and Professor Snape lying unconscious on the floor. Their hands were clasped and they had the look of intense concentration on their faces.  
  
The white light died down and Dumbledore stepped over a pile of empty bottles of potions ingredients before crouching in front of the two and whispering  
  
'Enervate'  
  
They both sat up bewildered. Then a flash of understanding crossed their faces followed by one of embarrassment as they realised that they were still holding hands.  
  
Hermione snatched hers back and Snape looked vaguely disappointed before turning to Dumbledore who was hiding a smile behind his hand.  
  
'Did it work? Was there a lot of light.'  
  
Dumbledore nodded and then unsuccessfully tried to prevent himself from laughing as the exhausted pair jumped up and hugged each other before springing apart and turning away, faces flushing.  
  
'Is Harry's body preserved Professor?' Hermione asked, trying to cover her embarrassment.  
  
'Yes, and if that Potion is what I think it is the it should be ready to use tomorrow.'  
  
Snape nodded before asking a question.  
  
'Albus, we need to get it in to his bloodstream, and he obviously cant swallow it. How do you suggest we do it?'  
  
Dumbledore was pondering this question when Hermione jumped in.  
  
'Couldn't we use a muggle syringe Professor?'  
  
Dumbledore smiled.  
  
'Yes, that would work, but where should we get one?'  
  
'My parents are dentists and they have some for injecting pain killers into patients gums. I could owl them so send some of the larger ones.'  
  
'Yes, could you do that Miss Granger. Now I want you to return to your dormitory and don't breathe a word of this to anyone. Not even Mr Weasley. If this doesn't work I want the less people disappointed the better.' 


	10. Chapter Eight

Chapter 8  
  
The next morning Hermione left the common room to go down to breakfast for the first time since Harry's death.  
  
She could hardly keep still, she was so excited and a smile kept appearing on her face unbidden.  
  
She glanced over at the teachers table to see Snape uncharacteristically smiling as he bit into an apple Danish.  
  
He glanced over at her and a grin lit up his face.  
  
She smiled back and turned to Ron who was choking, and about to fall off his seat.  
  
'Was that greasy git just smiling at you?'  
  
'I dunno,' she replied trying not to laugh. 'he is going crazy after all.'  
  
She turned back to face the head table and looked at the other teachers.  
  
Most obviously didn't know what was happening but Professor McGonagall was giggling like a school girl at absolutely nothing and Flitwick was wiggling around in his seat as if he wanted to jump up and start dancing.  
  
Lupin was grinning like a hyena and the dog that was with him was wagging its tail so fast that it was just a blur.  
  
Dumbledore had himself under control, but the twinkle that had been missing was half back.  
  
Snape whispered something to him before turning to Hermione and mouthing 'stay behind after breakfast.'  
  
She nodded and a giggle slipped out as she turned back to her breakfast.  
  
The Gryffindors were looking at her in amazement.  
  
Was this the girl who just yesterday had not been able to move by herself and had to be supported by two other students just so that she could stand outside a classroom.  
  
As people started leaving the great hall she raised her eyebrows at McGonagall and nodded to Ron.  
  
The reply was an almost imperceptible shake of a head.  
  
Hermione nodded and turned to Ron who was getting ready to leave.  
  
'I have to see McGonagall for a minute. You go to class and I'll catch you up.' He looked at her questioningly but nodded and left.  
  
She was on her way over to the teachers table when she was stopped by Malfoy.  
  
'I'm glad your feeling better,'  
  
He began but was cut off by surprise when she gave him a hug and a kiss on the cheek before disappearing into the crowd.  
  
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\  
  
Hermione ran through the crowd to Lupins side. She bent down to pat Sirius before looking at Lupin.  
  
'Is it gonna happen today?' she asked breathlessly.  
  
'I don't know Hermione, Dumbledore won't tell us anything and Snape is peeved that we all know.' He allowed himself a grin, expressing his feelings about an unhappy Snape.  
  
Dumbledore clapped his hands at the people who now remained in the all but empty Great Hall.  
  
'Now you all know why you are here. I must stress to you the importance of the utmost secrecy. Severus, I mean Professor Snape is very unhappy that so many people know about it.  
  
We cannot let anyone else know for the reason that if it doesn't work then the disappointment is likely to hurt them just as much as Harry's actual death.  
  
If this does work however we will have much work on our hands. The whole of the wizarding world knows about Harry's death and we cannot simply bring him back without questions being asked. However, we cannot let them know about this potion. Imagine the uproar if this became public. Every person would have someone they wanted to bring back, although it probably wouldn't work for them as the potion is complex and requires at least five hundred people who loved the deceased.  
  
Also, imagine if Voldemort got hold of this, the Death Eaters and Dark creatures that he could bring back would be catastrophic. I have no doubts that he would most certainly be able to take over the world if this got out.  
  
But I do have a solution. Apart from a few select people, the rest of the world will be told that when Harry defeated Voldemort and Voldemort's powers broke some of them were absorbed into Harry, such a the ability to speak Parseltongue, and one of these powers was the ability to stay in the void between death and life, and that if the will of his soul was strong enough he could return to the land of the living.'  
  
'Ummm.Dumbledore, is there a void between death and life?'  
  
'I have no idea Minerva,' replied Dumbledore, his eyes twinkling, 'but as I am Albus Dumbledore they will believe me.'  
  
'And you don't have an huge ego do you Albus?' Sirius asked, changing back into himself for a moment before resuming his dog form.  
  
'Of course not, whatever gives you that impression?'  
  
'Excuse me Albus,' intervened Remus Lupin, 'but who are the select few who will be told what really happened?'  
  
'The Weasley family, the 5th year Gryffindor boys, Draco Malfoy and Poppy Pomfrey.'  
  
'Why them?' squeaked Professor Flitwick.  
  
'Poppy will obviously have to know and Ron would have to be told, and it would be difficult for Harry, Ron and Hermione here to keep up the pretence of Harry's death, even with the spell on him, so the rest of the Weasley family and the boys in his dorm would be told. Draco Malfoy should be told, not just because of his growing friendship with the three.er.two young Gryffindors, but because I want as desperately as I can to get him on our side and to tell him this is to prove to him that we trust him.'  
  
Everyone glanced at each other wondering at the Headmasters garbled logic.  
  
Then Hermione spoke up. 'What spell Professor?'  
  
'I am glad you asked that Hermione, this spell is even more brilliant that my Philosophers Stone in the Mirror of Erised idea.' He ignored the smiling glances that were thrown at him.  
  
'This spell prevents any person from consciously disclosing a certain piece of information even under Veritiserum.  
  
If however a person begins to overhear them talking, their conversation will change of its own accord to another topic.  
  
This happens after only two words are overheard so no one will be able to tell what they are talking about. This also discourages people from talking about it in a public place as it is extremely annoying to find that your conversation keeps changing halfway through a sentence.  
  
If any written information is left lying around a person who picks it up will only see a harmless letter talking about their day's activities.'  
  
'How will Harry answer questions about what the struggle in this maybe nonexistent void was like?' asked Hermione.  
  
'He will say that it was so traumatic that he asked for his memory to be wiped and if he is under the influence of Veritiserum then the spell I mentioned should work on that as well.'  
  
The other people around the table nodded.  
  
'I do have to point out that we are trying a potion that has never been used before. No other potion, spell or charm has ever achieved what we are trying to achieve. There is a 315.99999999% chance that this will not work. I do not want you to get your hopes up more than you can help.'  
  
He saw everyone's faces sober as he said that and he was glad.  
  
'Now we all have classes to get to so I suggest that we meet up at the infirmary at the beginning of lunch.'  
  
With that Dumbledore swept out of the room.  
  
'Miss Granger come with me, you have Transfiguration now.'  
  
Hermione obediently followed her Professor out of the room. They walked in silence to the classroom, from which the sounds of chattering were emitting.  
  
'Now Miss Granger remember, not a word to Mr Weasley.'  
  
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\  
  
The last period before lunch was double potions. The students were all working in silence as they were now utterly terrified of their previously greasy malevolent git, now insane potions teacher. Neville had actually fainted before Snape had even entered the room and had to be carried to infirmary.  
  
Hermione kept wriggling throughout the lesson and smiling around at the class. Ron was really worried about her, believing that she had finally cracked.  
  
When the bell finally rang Snape called out to her.  
  
'Miss Granger I would like a word about your behaviour in my lesson today.'  
  
Hermione rolled her eyes to Ron.  
  
'Go on, go to lunch, I'll go see what he wants. No, I'll be fine, just save me some food.'  
  
When the door swung shut Snape glared at her.  
  
'Are you completely unable to keep your silly teenage emotions in check? People will suspect something.'  
  
'No they won't. Ron is convinced that Harry's death has affected me the same way the school thinks it has affected you.'  
  
'And what if this doesn't work, and you go back down to lunch in tears?'  
  
'Then Ron will think that I am having stress induced mood swings. Come on Sevvie, lighten up, I know you are nearly as excited as I am.'  
  
'Sevvie, Miss Granger?' Snape questioned her in a deadly voice, raising an eyebrow.  
  
Hermione could tell he wasn't that annoyed, more shocked.  
  
'Come on, lets go. The longer we stand around talking the longer we have to wait to see what happens.' And she took Severus's hand, dragging him from the room.  
  
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\  
  
When they entered the room, Hermione had sobered considerably.  
  
She joined the silent group standing around Harry's cold body.  
  
With shaking hands she pulled the syringe from her robes and handed it to Dumbledore.  
  
He handed it to Snape who drew the potion up into the body of the syringe. He handed it back to Dumbledore who stepped up to Harry.  
  
Hermione was visibly trembling as felt an arm around her shoulder and she leaned back into the comforting embrace of Harry's white faced shaking godfather. Lupin had his hand on Sirius's shoulder.  
  
Dumbledore inserted the needle into Harry's arm and injected the contents of the needle into him.  
  
He handed the needle back to Severus who again filled it and gave it back to Dumbledore. This was repeated until a quarter of the bottle of potion was in Harry's bloodstream.  
  
Then they sat and waited. 


	11. Chapter Nine nice and long

Chapter 9  
  
They sat just looking at him, waiting for a sign. After half an hour, Dumbledore stood up.  
  
'Well that's that then. Sorry Hermione, it was worth a try Severus.'  
  
They all turned to leave. Hermione was the last to leave. She turned away from Harry, tears sliding down her face. She had been so sure that it would work.  
  
'Goodbye Harry Potter. I love you.'  
  
She was half out the door listening to the already brewing fight between Severus and Sirius.  
  
'Bye 'Mione.'  
  
She just continued out the door before she registered what had just happened.  
  
She turned back half fearful and let out a scream.  
  
'Professor, Remus, SIRIUS.dammit. PROFESSOR DUMBLEDORE, PROFESSOR MCGONAGALL, SNAPE, REMUS, SIRIUS, MADAM POMFREY!'  
  
'What is it child?' Dumbledore came running back.  
  
'He spoke to me, he's alive.'  
  
'Are you sure?' asked Dumbledore doubtfully. 'He hasn't moved.  
  
Sirius and Snape entered, followed closely by the others.  
  
'She says he spoke to her. But he doesn't appear to have moved.'  
  
'Of course I haven't moved, I'm in to much bloody pain aren't I?'  
  
'Harry?' Sirius's voice was incredulous.  
  
'No, Sirius, it's the ghost of Christmas Past come to haunt you. What the hell am I doing here? What day is it. Why is Mione looking so thin? Why are you crying Professor?'  
  
'Harry, you killed yourself. You have been dead for a month and Severus found a potion that brought you back to life.'  
  
'Oh, is that all, and I thought something serious had happened. Give me a break Sirius.' Harry replied sarcastically. 'No, Harry, he is telling the truth. Don't you remember?'  
  
'Um, no. I mean I remember potions, and Snape leaving, and.oh shit Cedric.um I mean then Malfoy said something about.oh Merlin - Petunia. then I left and went. oh fuck, I did try to kill myself. Are you saying that I succeeded and that it is now a month later?'  
  
The others looked at him helplessly and Hermione whispered something to McGonagall before slipping out of the room.  
  
'Well.?' he looked at Dumbledore beseechingly. 'Professor, did I die?'  
  
'Yes, Harry, you did.'  
  
What ever reaction they were expecting they didn't get it.  
  
'SO WHY THE FUCK AM I HERE? WHY ARENT I STILL DEAD?'  
  
'Harry, calm down.'  
  
'NO, REMUS. I'M NOT GOING TO CALM DOWN. I ACTUALLY MANAGED TO KILL MYSELF AND YOU GUYS JUST THOUGHT YOU WOULD TAKE IT UPON YOURSELVES TO BRING ME BACK? I WANTED TO DIE YOU DUMBASSES. I WANTED TOO. Why.' he whimpered to himself. 'Why did you do something so stupid?'  
  
'Harry!?!? You're alive? I thought Hermione had gone mad! But how.?' Ron came running into the room, pale but grinning.  
  
'Um, Mr Weasley, this isn't the right time, Miss Granger can you two please leave.'  
  
The pair looked from Harry's furious face to the shocked faces of Dumbledore and Remus, to the tears running down McGonagall's face, to a white faced Sirius, a stunned Flitwick and the emotionless expression on Snape's face. Madam Pomfrey had left for a sedative.  
  
They left without another word.  
  
'Albus, Minerva, could you all leave me and Harry together?' Snape expected to see some sort opposition from Sirius, but he was standing stunned. Remus put his hands on his shoulders and guided him from the room with the rest of the teachers.  
  
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\  
  
'Well Harry, this isn't quite how we expected you to react.' Snape began cautiously.  
  
'How the bloody hell did you expect me to react? I have been slitting my wrists for 5 years, I have just managed get away from the guilt, and you bring me back to everything that I was trying to leave.  
  
And now it is going to be even worse since, if it has been a month like you said, then the whole world will know that The Boy Who Lived tried to kill himself and now I am going to have to deal with that too. Gee, I'm so sorry for sounding so brassed off.'  
  
'Five years? You have been cutting yourself for 5 years? And no one noticed?'  
  
'Yes,' Harry muttered looking away. He hadn't meant to let that slip out.  
  
'How did you keep it from everyone at school and the muggles that you live with?'  
  
'I just wore long sleeved robes. And when I didn't, all the clothes that I owned were Dudley's old ones so I didn't bother shrinking them. Every one got so used to seeing them on me that no one ever questioned it.'  
  
'Dudley?'  
  
'He's my cousin, I always had to wear his hand-me-downs because my uncle and aunt didn't like me, because of what I am. He is really fat, his school cant make uniforms in his size anymore because he is so big.  
  
I was locked in a cupboard under the stairs for most of my life until they thought that if they moved me out of the cupboard, the letters that I was getting from Hogwarts that were addressed to my cupboard would stop being sent.  
  
They starved me and barred the windows of my bedroom at the end of my first year, to try and stop me coming back here, the Weasley twins had to rescue me with Ron in their fathers flying car, the one that Ron and I crashed into the Whomping Willow. They hardly ever acknowledged that I existed so it wasn't hard for me to hide the fact that I was cutting my wrists. Not that they would have cared anyway.'  
  
'They treated you like that and Dumbledore let you live there?'  
  
'Yeah, something to do with some protection while I was living with my family or some crap like that.' He gave a hollow laugh. 'I could have done with some protection from them'  
  
'Why would you need protecting from them? They didn't hit you.' Snape suddenly looked at him closely. 'Or did they?'  
  
Harry looked away.  
  
'Harry?'  
  
'Yeah, after Cedric died I was kind of always off in my own world and Uncle Vernon was having trouble at work, so he would take it out on me because I wasn't paying attention to him or whatever.  
  
I think he would have beaten me to death if it hadn't been that he thought my godfather was a wanted murderer. He would have starved me to death, but Petunia would feed me when he wasn't home.  
  
I think Dudley told him because he started hitting her.  
  
She found out that I was cutting myself towards the end of the holidays, because she found a sheet covered in blood under my bed. Then she got the letter from Hogwarts about Cedric and she became sympathetic.  
  
Then when I came back here and Vernon's company went broke and he and Dudley took all their stress out on her because I wasn't there anymore.  
  
She killed herself because of me. All my blood relatives that I have ever known died because of me. And every person I know has had to suffer because of me.' A tear slid down Harry's face.  
  
'That's not true, Harry.' Snape said roughly.  
  
'Yes it is.' Harry was sobbing into his pillow now.  
  
'My parents died trying to save me I can hear them when the Dementors get to close to me, I can hear my mother screaming at Voldemort to spare my life and take hers instead.  
  
Do you know what that's like? Hearing your mum dying, because she wanted you to live?  
  
Do you know what it's like hearing your dad telling your mum to get out of the house with me while he tried to hold of the most powerful dark wizard of all time?'  
  
Snape looked away, trying to bite back the tears that were threatening to spill over his cheeks as he looked at the distraught boy.  
  
'Nah, I didn't think so. You don't have a clue.  
  
Even my relatives that either are repulsed by me or pity me have died because of me. My Aunt killed herself because her husband and son beat her up because I was no longer around.  
  
She even got the idea of slitting her wrists from me. She never would have thought of it otherwise.  
  
I can't even be friends with someone without them suffering. I told Cedric to take the cup with me, trying to be nice, and he died because of it. Cho is now scared of me and thinks I murdered her boyfriend.  
  
If Voldemort hadn't been trying to get back at me then the diary wouldn't have got into my best friends, little sisters hands.  
  
Sirius was stuck in Azkaban for 12 years because people thought he was my parents secret keeper when they were killed trying to protect me.  
  
Remus Lupin had to suffer for 12 years because he thought that two of his best friends were dead and the third one had killed them or had them killed because of me.  
  
And now anyone who I haven't hurt already, is going to be hurt because it was my blood who brought Voldemort back to life, and I was the only one who had any definite power against him but because he has my blood, my mothers protection is in him so I don't have any defences ready.  
  
The people in my dreams were right. It is all my fault. My parents shouldn't have bothered, I have just disgraced them and hurt the people that I care most about in the process. I'm just a failure.  
  
And now I have told you all this you will have even more excuses to torment me in class.  
  
And you will have even more ammunition to give to your precious Slytherins so that they can hassle the shit out of me.  
  
Why didn't you just let me die?  
  
It was the first thing I had ever done right and now you have undone it all.  
  
It had to be you didn't it.' Harry added, laughing humourlessly.  
  
'You just had to bring me back so that you could torture me even more. Well don't bother trying, you have successfully found the best way to torment me.  
  
And you get the fame and recognition that you deserve.  
  
You, Professor Severus Snape, in the process of making your most hated enemy unhappy have made the first potion ever to bring people back from the dead.  
  
Is this better than the Order of Merlin that you were going to receive for having caught an innocent man?  
  
Well at least your victim this time deserved what he got. Just fuck off Snape, you have done all that you set out to do, have any feelings under that slimy, cruel exterior then you will leave me alone.'  
  
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\  
  
'We should have left him Dumbledore, I should never have interfered. That poor boy.  
  
He thinks that his Aunts death was entirely his fault because he left her with this Vernon character and he beat her up because Harry wasn't around to beat up instead.  
  
Did you know, Albus, they locked him under the stairs for 10 years and half starved him.  
  
When they did move him to a room of his own, they fitted bars to the windows so that he couldn't come back here and he had to be rescued by the Weasley Twins.  
  
He believes that all his family have died because of him.  
  
He thinks that Cedric's death is his fault.  
  
He likes that Cho girl that was Cedric's girlfriend but is convinced that she thinks he is a murderer.  
  
He thinks that I brought him back to life so that I could torment him and that the fame I would receive is just an extra.  
  
He even believes that I would tell all the things that he told me to my Slytherins so that they could torment him to.  
  
He is afraid that if he stays friends with anyone that they will get hurt, just being associated with him.  
  
He thinks that it is his fault that the mutt was stuck in Azkaban and that the werewolf had to suffer for twelve years because of him.  
  
He also mentioned people in some dreams that he has been having. Something about how they were right, and that it is his fault and that he is a disgrace to his parents or something.  
  
That boy is so miserable and none of us knew.  
  
I feel so terrible for all the years that I picked on him. I just thought he was a spoilt brat.'  
  
Dumbledore just sat staring at the papers on his desk.  
  
'Did he say anything else?'  
  
'Well he blathered on about how I had undone the best thing that he had ever done in his life.  
  
I want to help him Dumbledore, but what can we do? We can't kill him and if we leave him to kill himself then it will look like negligence, which it is.'  
  
'Thank you Severus, there is nothing more that we can do tonight. Poppy will give him a dreamless sleep potion and he will be put in restraints. I'll try and talk to him tomorrow.'  
  
After Snape left the room Dumbledore stared up at the ceiling. Then he shook himself.  
  
'Well, did you hear it all? There is no need to stay in there, you can come out.'  
  
A cupboard door swung open and a flushing Minerva McGonagall stepped out. She was followed by Remus, Sirius and Flitwick.  
  
They all stared at their feet ashamedly.  
  
'There is no need to be embarrassed, you aren't the only ones. Come on children, show yourself.'  
  
Ron, Hermione and Draco suddenly appeared out of nowhere. Hermione was folding up some shimmery material, they stared at the headmaster.  
  
'And the rest of you.'  
  
Everyone looked around with comical looks of surprise on their faces as Dean Thomas, Seamus Finnigan and the Weasley Twins all crawled out of different hiding places.  
  
Rons ears went scarlet as Hermione stared at him accusingly.  
  
'Well I couldn't not tell them. I didn't no what the situation was and you told me that they were going to be told anyway.' He defended himself.  
  
'Do not worry yourself, Mr Weasley. Miss Granger here also has some thing to tell you.'  
  
Hermione looked at her feet as Dumbledore got to his and opened the door to his office.  
  
There was a high pitched squeal as Neville Longbottom and Ginny Weasley fell into the room.  
  
'Well,' said Dumbledore looking around his crowded office. 'this certainly saves me many explanations.'  
  
He threw some powder into the fire and called into it. 'Poppy and Severus could you join us up here please.'  
  
The people in the room stood back as first Madam Pomfrey and then Professor Snape, muttering about headmasters who couldn't make up their minds where they wanted a person, stepped into the room.  
  
Snape jumped as he saw the room full of people.  
  
'Well that was quick Albus. Did you zoom them here with a summoning charm or something?'  
  
'Well actually they were here the whole time, they had concealed themselves in many different areas of the room.'  
  
Severus looked around the room, taking in the many open cupboards and the rumpled clothing of teachers and students alike. Then he did something that no one would have expected him to.  
  
He laughed. He quickly stopped looking ashamed of himself and turned to the wall to compose himself.  
  
Neville's look of relief was absolutely comical.  
  
Dumbledore waited for everyone to recover and pay attention to him before he started to speak.  
  
'Well since you are all here I will only make this speech once.  
  
Harry has been brought back to life by a potion made by professor Snape that I am assuming you all contributed to.' Dumbledore looked around the room to make sure that Draco had nodded amongst the others.  
  
'Good. Now I don't know if you were able to hear all the details that Severus gave me, whilst you were crouched in cupboards, under invisibility cloaks, and listening with your ear to the key hole,' the different people had the grace to blush at the right time.  
  
'Well I think we can't truthfully say that any of us expected this to be Harry's reaction.  
  
You younger ones weren't in the room when he first woke up, except for Miss Granger, and she left to find Mr Weasley before Harry got too distraught.  
  
His exact words were:  
  
"No, Remus. I'm not going to calm down. I actually managed to kill myself and you guys just thought you would take it upon yourselves to bring me back? I wanted to die you dumbasses. I wanted too. Why? Why did you do something so stupid?" .  
  
He also said other things with so many expletives that I will not repeat it here. I am sure that he will express himself to many of you in no uncertain terms.  
  
Once he knows that all of you know about the potion he will most probably take a lot of anger out on you.  
  
I do not whether the anger will only be verbal, or whether his actions on others will become violent.  
  
Not to single you out or anything, Mr Malfoy, but I think you should be extra careful around him.'  
  
Draco nodded, 'I always have to be anyway.'  
  
'Good. Now I am afraid that Harry has been placed in restraints and when they eventually come off, he will have to be watched twenty four hours a day.  
  
His behaviour makes this part impossible to overlook.  
  
But here comes the parts I need you all to play.  
  
I don't want any of you bringing up his guilty feelings, unless he brings it up or unless I authorise it.  
  
If he brings it up, then listen to what he has to say, do not interrupt. And then tell him calmly what you think.  
  
There is no need to start a yelling match to express your opinions.  
  
I am appointing Severus Snape, to talk to him and to try and council him, as the muggles would call it.'  
  
At once a volley of voices started berating the Headmaster.  
  
'What? Sir, you can't be serious, that greasy git hates Harry. He has spent the last four and a half years making Harry's life miserable.' Ron yelled furiously.  
  
He was backed up by Hermione.  
  
'Sir, I don't think, Harry will appreciate having to talk about all this to a person who has tormented Harry for so many years. Harry compares Professor Snape to his muggle relatives, he dislikes him so much.'  
  
She was going to say more but she was cut off by Sirius. 'Dumbledore, I am his godfather. He can talk to me, or Remus, or Minerva, she is head of his house, or anyone but him. Think what you are saying for Merlins sake.'  
  
Even Professor McGonagall was looking extremely doubtful.  
  
Snape was flushed red with anger and embarrassment at the obvious dissent at the choice of him, but he too, looked as if he didn't think he was the right choice.  
  
'No, Severus is the only candidate. He is someone who will evaluate from a respected distance. If it was many of you, you would argue as soon as your name came into the conversation. Then Harry would clam up and not talk to you at all.  
  
Also, Harry can express his reservations to Severus about being brought back to life a lot easier than you others. He can just be telling Severus how annoyed he is, and it will automatically come out why.  
  
Harry might also not want to talk to anyone to close to him for fear of hurting their feelings.  
  
I have thought about this and Severus is the only option.'  
  
Dumbledore gazed around the room, he noticed that while many people accepted what he said, there were still a few who looked extremely doubtful, and Sirius was trembling with rage.  
  
'I must also ask that Harry is not disturbed by anyone until Severus or I see fit.'  
  
If it was possible, Sirius's face went even darker.  
  
Ginny was thinking desperately, trying to find away to get the focus off who could see Harry when, when she was struck with a thought.  
  
'Professor Dumbledore, are you going to tell the school that Harry is alive? I mean it's going to look pretty suspicious if Harry's closest friends suddenly start acting as if nothings wrong.'  
  
Dumbledore looked at her thoughtfully.  
  
'I think I am going to have to tell them. I will call a special assembly to announce it. The only problem is the amount of doubt amongst the students and the confusion. Then they will be writing to their parents and I will have to notify the rest of the wizarding world. People may not believe that he is alive again or that he died at all. Some may think that it is a publicity stunt. Also the security on Harry's room will have to extremely strong. I think that we are going to have to put wards on the door that will only admit certain people.'  
  
Draco suddenly jerked as he was hit by a consideration. 'Professor, you and Professor Snape say he is angry at being brought back.  
  
What happens if he tries to top himself again?  
  
What if he succeeds? Do we bring him back?  
  
And what do we tell the rest of the world? We can't just keep telling them that he has died and then come back to life.'  
  
The suicide attempt isn't public knowledge, so how do we explain that he has died for a second time.  
  
We can't tell them it was suicide, because then they won't believe that his soul still had the will to live and that wrecks the whole story.  
  
But the rest of the school knows that Harry committed suicide, so we cant say that he didn't. '  
  
Dumbledore sighed 'These thoughts are many that have been troubling me ever since I saw Harry's reaction.  
  
I think that the fact that it was suicide will have to be publicised, even if we say that he got cursed and the curse drove him mad.  
  
If he does it again, then we will say that he committed suicide the second time, for reasons unknown, or that he was so weak, he died anyway. If we are really stuck then a death eater attack be invented or a mystery disease will suddenly strike him down.'  
  
'When will the spell be cast Professor?' asked Ron.  
  
I think I will cast it now, and later on Harry when he is asleep. I will re- apply it when he knows everything and on you all, if new developments arrive.'  
  
Dumbledore picked up his wand and said 'Clandestina.'  
  
Every person felt a slight tingling in their throats and the whole room erupted in coughing.  
  
'Well I believe that that is all for now. Dinner will be beginning soon. Minerva, I won't be at dinner tonight, I will be to busy, so could you get the house elves to send something up, and would you all kindly inform everyone that I am holding a special assembly at ten thirty am tomorrow. Good evening.'  
  
Everyone turned and left the room.  
  
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\ When they finally got out of Dumbledore's office and were standing in the corridor the students just stood looking at the ground for five minutes after the other teachers had walked away.  
  
The Fred broke the silence, 'We had better move, every one is going to be coming down for dinner soon. Does anyone really feel like going to the Great Hall?'  
  
The others shook their heads.  
  
'Right, well you just go back to the common room, and George and I will go get some food from the kitchens.'  
  
The others nodded blankly before starting to walk off down the corridor.  
  
Ron turned and called back, 'We'll be in our dorm,' he said, indicating himself, Seamus, Dean and Neville. 'Make sure you get enough food. I bloody hungry.'  
  
George grinned back, the first real smile any of them had given that afternoon.  
  
As the boys ran away Hermione turned to Ron with a glare. 'Is that all you can think about, your stomach?'  
  
'Well yes, when I'm hungry.'  
  
Hermione began ranting and raving as the others grinned in relief at the knowledge that they could still act normal in light of all that had happened.  
  
When they got back to the dorm Ron called to Dean and Seamus over to where he and Draco had been talking. 'Come here, I've got a plan.'  
  
He started whispering to them, and after a few startled looks, they nodded.  
  
Ron turned to Hermione 'We're just going for a walk, we won't be long. Don't start eating without us.'  
  
He went to his trunk and pulled out the Marauders Map and Harry's invisibility cloak.  
  
'Ron!' Hermione began, then she slumped down onto a bed. 'Oh well, I 'spose it doesn't matter. Just don't get caught.'  
  
Ron grinned at her before slipping under the cloak with Dean, Seamus and Draco and the door seemed to open by itself and then close.  
  
'Where are they going?' Ginny asked.  
  
'You'll find out. They won't be long. They'll be in deep shit if they get caught though.' Ginny glanced at Neville who shrugged and they sat in silence for half an hour or so before the Weasley Twins came back with a sack full of food each.  
  
'Sorry, we took so long. McGonagall was their telling the elves to take some up to Dumbledore and she caught us. We had to convince her to let us eat up here.'  
  
Just then the door opened and the other three boys appeared out of nowhere.  
  
'Where have you been?' asked Fred.  
  
Ron just smiled and he, Seamus and Dean emptied their pockets which appeared to be full of tiny bottles, Draco smiled and emptied his as well.  
  
Ron took out his want and uttered a spell and they all shot up to they're original size.  
  
'Ron, you're a bloody genius,' said George. 'Did you need any help from Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot and Prongs?'  
  
Ron nodded looking angry as he muttered. 'Yeah, the wonderful Marauders, too bad that it's Wormtail's fault that we are in this bloody mess.'  
  
'Huh? Do you know them?'  
  
'Yeah, and you know two of them as well. And the son of one of them.'  
  
He grabbed a bottle of some amber liquid, and pulled the lid off, gulping down a few mouthfuls before shuddering and passing it to Neville, who took a tentative sip before coughing and spluttering.  
  
'Hermione can explain.'  
  
As Hermione began explaining the whole story everyone's eyes got rounder and rounder. Then amazed gasps began to fill the room as they all got steadily drunker.  
  
When she came to a slurry finish, an hour later, there was dead silence before Fred raised an unsteady glass.  
  
'A toasht, to the Marouldersh, Mootail, Wormfoot, Paddy and Prongsh, no I meansh not Wormfootsh, er tailsh, well to the loyol free. Who shtood against da evil Lordsh of Darknesh. May them jokesh nedda grow lesh funnies.'  
  
'Heehee, hic, oppsh pardon, Fedsh drunken too much. Heehee.' Hermione giggled.  
  
No one noticed a small pop, as Sirius Black's head vanished from the fire.  
  
He stood in his room chuckling grimly to himself. 'Ah well, there'll be some sore heads tomorrow. Let them have their precious moments of drunken oblivion, Remus. They're gonna need it before they have to experience what they are going too in the days to come.'  
  
Remus looked doubtful and a voice interrupted his thoughts as Minerva spoke from the doorway.  
  
'Yes, let them. The amount of times I let you four get away with things like that when you were their age. And they do have a better reason too, than you boys did.'  
  
Remus nodded.  
  
'Well until tomorrow,' Snape said, entering the DADA room, 'let us follow their example. At least we have a hangover cure.' He was carrying four bottles of different drinks.  
  
They settled down by the fire and opened the bottles.  
  
'Well, we have better quality booze than them,' said Sirius looking at the labels on the bottle. 'These are excellent labels. And very hard to get.'  
  
'Never did I think that I would be wasting good whisky on you, Black. Oh and if a get to intoxicated, you two will not play stupid pranks or force me to say things I shouldn't or I will hex you into the next life.'  
  
Remus chuckled as he summoned some glasses from a draw in is desk.  
  
'Even Hermione was nearly legless. What is the world coming to? Well cheers.'  
  
Up in his office Dumbledore poured himself a glass and raised it in a salute to Fawkes.  
  
'Well, Fawkes, I wont be drinking as much as some students and Professors tonight, but I'll be damned if I don't have one or two.'  
  
Up in the Gryffindor Tower, Ron sat on his bed, his arms wrapped around Hermione as they looked out the window.  
  
The room was filled with the sounds of the boys heavy, drunken snores and Ginny's whimpers as she curled up in the corner trying to fight the waves of nausea that threatened to engulf her in her semiconscious state.  
  
They looked out at the stars and Hermione's shoulders shook as tears trickled down her face.  
  
Ron was singing softly to her. 'Hush now, don't you cry, wipe away that teardrop from your eye. You're lying safe in bed, it was all a bad dream spinning in your head.  
  
Your mind tricked you to feel the pain of someone close to you leaving the game of life. So here it is, another chance. Wide-awake you face the day. Your dream is over... or has it just begun?'  
  
Hermione sniffed and snuggled in to his arms as he lay back on the bed.  
  
'That song 'minds me of Harry,'  
  
Ron sighed into her hair. 'It's gonna be ok 'Mione, Harry'll be fine.'  
  
'Ron,'  
  
'Hmmmm?'  
  
'I love you,'  
  
'Me too 'Mione.'  
  
'Ron?'  
  
.  
  
Hermione sighed as she snuggled into the arms of her sleeping best friend. 


	12. Chapter Ten

Chapter 10  
  
Neville was the first person to wake up in the morning.  
  
Although he had had the least to drink he was the person who had had least experience with alcohol and we woke with a splitting headache and a spinning stomach.  
  
He lay, wondering if Snape had made him drink his own potion and thus poisoned him before remembering the events of the previous day.  
  
He groaned and tried to stretch, accidentally kicking Dean in the head as he did.  
  
Dean sat up with a jolt, then collapsed in a heap, moaning and trying not to heave up all over Draco who was snoring, half on top of him.  
  
Ginny stirred in the corner, and stifled a whimper before running out of the room, her hand over her mouth, paying no heed to Draco as she kicked him on her way out.  
  
'Give ya three guesses as to where she has gone,' grinned Fred before his grin disappeared and he put his head in his hands groaning.  
  
'Ahhhhh, I might be joining her soon as well.' groaned Draco as he carefully slid himself off Dean.  
  
He kicked George, who tentatively stood, somewhat unsteadily and made a half attempt at a cheeky grin.  
  
'Look at these two.'  
  
Seamus looked, and laughed before his head fell back down with a thump.  
  
Dean looked up from the curled up position he had assumed on the floor, 'did anyone hear singing last night?'  
  
'Yeah,' said Ginny 'returning to the room looking a whitish green. 'he was singing that Queensryche song. I heard it as I was falling asleep. Dunno why though.'  
  
'Oi, you two wake up!'  
  
'Draco,' whinged the rest of the people n the room.  
  
'Keep your frigging voice down, typical selfish Slytherin thing to do.' came Hermione's voice as she struggled to remove herself from Ron's grasp, before succumbing to the dizziness and laying down.  
  
They all lay in silence for half an hour, each of them trying to make their stomach settle and their head quit pounding so they could try and find a hangover potion.  
  
Suddenly their was a sharp knock on the door and everyone groaned or whimpered as Dean muttered a half hearted 'come in.'  
  
'But quietly,' Seamus added before retching and covering his face with a pillow.  
  
'Um, Ron?' Colin Creevy stepped in, 'd'you know where Ginny is? Marilyn said she didn't go down to dinner and didn't sleep in the dorm last night, oh, I say!' his voice rose to a high pitch as he took in their green tinged faces and he stumbled backwards when he saw Draco.  
  
'What's wrong with you all, you look like crap, are you sick? Why is a Slytherin in here? Do you know what this special meetings about today? You had better hurry if you gonna get there in time. I say, you do look awful.'  
  
Draco raised himself off the floor and looked like he would have jumped on Colin if he wasn't about to faint, 'Colin,' he said in a would be dangerous voice, 'get out, do not come back in here. Tell everyone you meet that this room is out of bounds until we say so. Got that?'  
  
Colin nodded nervously and ran out, slamming the door behind him.  
  
'Fucking hell,' moaned Ron. 'Stupid fuckwit.'  
  
The door opened again and Neville whimpered as Fred yelled.  
  
'I don't care if you are Dumbledore, himself get the hell out of here and don't fucking come back.'  
  
Lupin laughed and said, 'Well if you don't want this hangover cure potion, I'll just go.'  
  
Dean raised his head off the floor as Seamus leapt over him, and collapsed at Lupins feet, overcome by a wave of dizzy nausea.  
  
Lupin took a couple of steps back as Professor McGonagall came in.  
  
'Now Mr Finnigan, is it nice to empty the entire contents of your stomach over the feet of the kind teacher who brought you a cure for your present affliction?'  
  
'Well, I 'spose it's better than emptying your stomach over the Headmaster of the Hogwarts who was bringing you the same thing.'  
  
McGonagall blushed and Ron looked at her in amazement, until his amazed expression made his head pound even harder.  
  
'I was walking up to the common room to make sure that everyone was going to the Headmasters meeting when I heard the elder Mr Creevy relating to a group of Gryffindor's in the corridor, that all of the remaining Weasley family, the 5th year boys and one fifth year girl and a Slytherin had all been taken unaccountably ill in the same dorm, and that he had been told to tell everyone not to go in there. He was very worried that they would miss Professor Dumbledore's assembly. I felt it my duty to come and see how you were.'  
  
Her eyes twinkled evilly.  
  
'Oh bugger off,' Ron muttered into his pillow.  
  
'If you weren't currently so indisposed I am afraid you would have lost many, many house points for that remark, Mr Weasley.'  
  
'Come on Minerva, they have suffered enough, don't tease them. Here is the potion, make sure you share it. There should be enough for all of you.'  
  
Muttered thanks came from different parts of the room.  
  
'Oh, and Professor Dumbledore asked me to tell you.'  
  
'In the middle of cleaning his shoes,' interrupted Remus.  
  
'.that you still have to attend the meeting. He wants you to act like you didn't know anything about it before hand, and he wants you to hear how the Chudley Cannons beat Liverpool yesterday.'  
  
Everyone stopped and stared at her as some giggling second years passed the room.  
  
She sighed and continued, 'actually he wants you to hear his final version of the story so that you don't slip up before he has a chance to reapply this most infuriating spell.  
  
Now hurry and get up, you have an hour and a half until the assembly, I think that when your feeling better you may want some food, so I have sent a message to the house elves to send up some food, since you slept through breakfast. Mr Malfoy should return to his Tower as soon as possible after you all have eaten. And Professor Dumbledore told me to inform you that you are excused from today's lessons.'  
  
McGonagall looked as if she had just uttered a blasphemy.  
  
'Also I don't want you to think that we condone this sort of behaviour but as it is an extenuating circumstance it has been allowed.'  
  
'Yeah, and because you did exactly the same thing and Dumbledore won't allow hypocritical punishments.'  
  
McGonagall glared in surprise at Neville but when remembering how awful she had felt earlier she made no comment.  
  
She turned and left the room followed by Lupin, who winked at Ron, who still had his arms around Hermione.  
  
As he left the door slammed and Draco was promptly sick all over Dean.  
  
'Typical fucking Slytherin,' cursed Dean as the others tried to stop laughing as it jolted their heads.  
  
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\  
  
  
  
After they had taken the potions, eaten breakfast and Draco had left, the Gryffindor's sat around the fire.  
  
They didn't talk, just sat staring into the flames until Ginny broke the silence, asking the question that had been on the forefront of everyone's mind.  
  
'Do you think Harry will ever get better?'  
  
The others looked at each other, trying to find an answer that would satisfy her.  
  
She shouldn't be wrapped up in all this, George found himself thinking, as he looked at the others helplessly. she is too young. We should have kept it from her. Damn Harry for being the cause of it. She still has a crush on him and it's killing her.  
  
All gazes eventually rested on Hermione and she glared at them, trying to find something reassuring to say to the pale, trembling red head sitting at her feet. She eventually gave up and just told her the truth.  
  
'We don't know.'  
  
Ginny nodded slowly and stared back into the flames.  
  
'There came a knocking on the portrait and Ron opened it to see Draco glaring at the fat lady. 'She wouldn't let me in. I came to tell you that we should go down now.' Ron nodded and yelled over his shoulder.  
  
'Oi, you lot, it's time to witness history in the making.'  
  
They all got up and slowly trudged to the portrait hole.  
  
'Where will you be sitting, Draco?' asked Dean.  
  
Draco looked uncomfortable. 'I dunno, I'm not really welcome at my table, because I hang round you guys, and I would ask to sit with you, but all the Gryffindor's blame me for Harry's suicide, since I was the person that made the comment to set him off.'  
  
He looked miserably at the ground and Ginny gave him a sympathetic hug.  
  
'Sit with us anyway, the boys'll bash anyone who is unkind to you. We know it wasn't your fault.'  
  
By this time they had reached the great hall where everyone else was seating themselves with a confused air about them. The tension could be felt by the group standing outside the room.  
  
'Well,' said Ron. 'Here we go,'  
  
He stepped up to the doors and turned back to the people behind him before opening them. 'And try not to laugh, remember, we don't know this either.'  
  
With that he unconsciously took Hermione's hand and pushed open the doors.  
  
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\  
  
As the group of nine entered the Great Hall their faces changed from excitement and anticipation to despair and desolation.  
  
Dumbledore was the first to see them enter and he nudged McGonagall, who was sitting to his left, and nodded to the melancholy expressions taking form on each students face. She tried not to giggle and whispered to him, 'they could be on the muggle stage, if they wanted too.'  
  
Snape, who was on Dumbledore's right, leaned over and muttered, 'Miss Granger seems to excel at everything she tries, but don't tell her that I said that.  
  
Her face nearly looks as bad as it did when she was waiting for you to bring news about Harry's condition. Mr Longbottom and Miss Weasley on the other hand look like they might start giggling at any moment.'  
  
Lupin, who was sitting on McGonagall's other side whispered in her ear and she resumed trying not to giggle as he leaned across herself and Dumbledore to say to Snape, 'I know what can be done to prevent Neville from laughing,'  
  
'What?' Snape asked curiously.  
  
'Look straight at him Severus.'  
  
'Yes? And?'  
  
'Is he looking at you?'  
  
'No, oh wait, yes, hang on. yes, yes he is.'  
  
'So, Severus, do you remember my Boggart experiment last year? My first DADA class with Harry and his friends.  
  
The one where Neville made his Boggart image of you wear his grandmother's dress, handbag and hat - topped with a stuffed vulture.'  
  
Lupins facial expression turned dreamy as he continued, 'I remember how long the school was talking about it.  
  
Do you Severus?  
  
Do you remember not being able to walk into a class without them bursting into laughter or calling you 'Granny Longbottom,' do you.'  
  
He broke off as Snape made an unintelligible sound and across the room Neville squeaked and fell off his chair.  
  
He sat trembling for the remainder of the assembly.  
  
As Dumbledore stood up, the quiet buzzing ceased and the whole room turned to look at him.  
  
'I assume that you are all wondering why you are here. I have called this assembly to inform you of some extremely startling and incredible news concerning the recent demise of Harry Potter.'  
  
Here he paused and waited for the apprehensive whisperings to cease.  
  
'When Harry killed himself, he was under the influence of the guilt inflicting curse 'Culpabamorse' but although his mind was cursed, his soul was not.  
  
Owing to an unexplainable transfer of powers from Voldemort to Harry, which is the reason that Harry can speak Parseltongue, Harry didn't completely die.'  
  
There was a collective gasp and Ron put his arm around Hermione, as if to comfort her, while mouthing soundlessly at Dumbledore.  
  
'His soul remained in the void between life and death, preventing absolution. Whilst in the void, Harry's soul had two choices. It could either give up easily and render Harry completely dead, or it could fight for the life that he deserved.  
  
Harry showed last year, by fighting and completely throwing off the Imperious curse, that he has a strong subconscious will. Harry fought for a month and yesterday he won the battle.  
  
Harry Potter - The Boy Who Lived, has returned from the dead.'  
  
At this astounding remark there came a deafening silence. Every person, ghost or being of any kind, just stared in astonishment, dumfounded by the extraordinary statement.  
  
Then Hermione rose shaking from her chair, took three unsteady steps towards the Head Table, clutched at a chair in support, before whispering, 'Harry's alive?'  
  
She then collapsed into an apparent faint and Ron and Draco ran over to her, trying not to laugh. Ron found himself wondering how she managed to get her face so pale.  
  
The room literally exploded around them as people started crying and screaming and shouting.  
  
Dumbledore's wand let off a noise like a fog horn and silence reigned supreme.  
  
'Harry is still extremely weak and is unconscious. I ask that no one goes searching for him, and anyone found in the restricted section of the infirmary will be on detentions for a month.  
  
Now will the Weasley family, Hermione Granger, Dean Thomas, Seamus Finnigan, Neville Longbottom and Draco Malfoy please remain behind. The rest of you are dismissed. Lessons will not resume until after lunch. Please either be in your respective Towers or out in the grounds. I do not want any student simply wandering the castle.'  
  
Dumbledore sat down with a crooked grin on his face as he watched the bewildered faces of his students. His smile widened as he observed Ron and Draco trying to wake Hermione from her 'fainting spell'.  
  
McGonagall stood and dismissed the school. She turned to Dumbledore 'I don't know that I like this Albus, it seems too hasty, an over reaction to something that the students are going to have to deal with anyway.'  
  
Dumbledore opened his mouth but she continued before he could defend his actions.  
  
'However, it would be quite refreshing to have morning off from classes, so I suppose that them being cancelled just this once won't hurt the students much. I can always give them catch up work.'  
  
Snape snorted and stood, 'I think I will go see how Potter is, Lupin would you accompany me part way there? Please,' he added as an afterthought.  
  
Lupin looked mildly shocked, but masked his confusion and followed him out of the room. 


	13. Authors Note Two

Authors Note Two  
  
There you go, chapter ten. I have been more than generous. Well that's it from me for today, I have my school certificate exams tomorrow so I have to do some study but I will post more tomorrow night. Luv you all, my wonderful reviewers. Keep going. Don't stop, I wanna know what you think about my latest developments. I have only written 14 chapters so I will probably post the rest tomorrow but then you will have to wait a week for a couple of new ones. Luv ya's all 


	14. Chapter Eleven finally, im very sorry

Chapter 11  
  
Meanwhile, Harry had been lying in the same position in the same bed, since Snape had left him the previous afternoon.  
  
As soon as Snape had left, Harry had fallen into a semi-unconscious sleep in which he stayed until about the time that Snape swept out of the Great Hall with Lupin jogging to catch up to him. He was having the same dream that he had been having all year when he awoke suddenly.  
  
He stared around the room in bewilderment then the memories had rushed back so fast that he retched.  
  
He sat up hoping against hope that he still had his blade in his pocket. They hadn't changed him from his robes.  
  
He groaned in frustration as he realised his search was futile and cast his mind back, trying to remember what he had done with it.  
  
*Flashback*  
  
The door slams shut and Harry is running, he doesn't know where, but he has to get away. Tears are flowing freely down his face. He prays that he won't meet anyone, and God must have been watching over him that day.  
  
He fumbles in his pocket as he runs, trying to find his blade. He curses himself for being so stupid. How could he have been so careless as to let so many people find out?  
  
He finds the blade, but drops it in his haste. He realised that he won't be able to cut, whilst he is running.  
  
He looks around to get his bearings and realises that he is outside the room that he recently discovered is holing the mirror of Erised.  
  
He pushes open the door, thinking that when he sees his parents faces, he will calm down.  
  
As he collapses in front of the mirror and looks into their faces he is struck by Malfoy's last comment. He did drive Petunia to her death. And here was Petunias sister, not knowing anything about it. Just standing in a mirror and smiling and waving at the hopeless fool of a boy who caused her death, her husbands death and her sisters death.  
  
Harry realises what he has to do. He reaches into his pocket and finds a scrap of parchment and a quill. There is an old bottle of ink in the corner that will serve his purpose.  
  
He scribbles a quick note.  
  
He stands up and as he stands he lets all the emotion that he still hasn't allowed himself to feel, surface.  
  
He stumbles backwards as all the guilt, self hatred, misery and anger bubbles around and is released, leaving him gasping for air.  
  
He vaguely wonders how he has kept all this suppressed, but it doesn't matter anymore.  
  
He is glad that he had sharpened his blade last night.  
  
He gazes into the mirror at his parents. 'I'm sorry I am a failure, I won't be anymore.'  
  
He knows exactly where to cut without looking. The cuts are deeper and the pain is more welcome than it has ever been and the warm liquid running down his arms is soothing. He drops the blade to the floor.  
  
He stands for a minute or two longer before dizziness overcomes him and his vision blurs. A smile plays around his lips and he sighs contentedly. At last he is doing something right.  
  
Just as the blackness has nearly completely impeded his vision, he hears footsteps and mumbles. 'Dammit.'  
  
Oh well, it's too late, they can't do anything.  
  
The door opens just as Harry glides into the darkness.  
  
'Fucking Merlin, oh shit, Har.'  
  
*End Flashback*  
  
Harry hit the mattress in frustration. He looked around the room and his eyes fell on some sewing that Madam Pomfrey had left on the low cupboard in the corner when she had gone to the meeting in the Great Hall.  
  
He remembered that Petunia used to sew and had always kept her fabric scissors very sharp because they wouldn't cut properly otherwise. Even Vernon and Dudley wouldn't dare to touch them.  
  
His eyes lit up but then he sighed. No person, let alone the careful Madam Pomfrey, would be stupid enough to leave any sharp object in a room with a suicidal person.  
  
Or would they?  
  
Harry craned his head and could see, to his amazement, that she had indeed done that very thing. He automatically reached for his wand before realising that it wasn't there.  
  
Well if it was then he could just cast Avada Kadavra on himself and he wouldn't need the scissors. Why hadn't he thought of that when he was trying to kill himself?  
  
He laughed wildly and slowly began to pull himself up out of the bed. He fell out onto the floor and crawled over to the cupboard.  
  
He vaguely wondered why he was so weak, before it hit him that three weeks of death might have had something to do with it.  
  
It took all of Harry's strength to reach up and knock the scissors to the floor.  
  
He picked them up and tried to cut through his wrist. He was to weak to cut deep enough to kill himself nut he tried over and over again.  
  
Suddenly he heard voices in the hall and froze as the voice of Severus Snape got louder and louder.  
  
'That's what I am trying to tell you Lupin, I don't want to do this. I am the last person who will make Har, er Potter feel better about himself. You should hear the things that I have said to him in class. They were worse than anything I said to you and your filthy friends . I have basically told him that his and his parents lives were worthless, and that they were better off dead. The things I said about his father, I shudder to remember. I always thought he was a spoilt little brat at home so I thought I would bring him down a few pegs. Oh Merlin I was a bastard to him.'  
  
The voices had stopped outside the door and Harry began furiously hacking at his wrists before making a valiant attempt to get back to his bed.  
  
'Well Severus, this is your chance to make it better.'  
  
'Well I'll try, but don't expect anything to come from it. I will probably cause him to try it again.'  
  
Snape's bitter voice startled Harry, but he didn't have time to consider the in depth implications of this wondrous occurrence as the door handle started turn and Harry collapsed into a dead faint.  
  
'Um, Severus? He already has.'  
  
'Shit! What was Poppy thinking, leaving these lying about?'  
  
'I dunno, but this is getting very tedious.'  
  
'What is?'  
  
'Well this is the second time in a month that I have walked into a room to find Harry unconscious and bleeding on the ground.'  
  
He gave a high, brittle laugh that sounded like he was bordering on hysteria.  
  
'I'll tell you now, it is extremely tiring on ones nerves.'  
  
He placed Harry on the bed and turned to punch the wall.  
  
Snape, who was conjuring up bandages, his face even paler that usual, jumped and turned to yell at Lupin, but stopped when, to his horror, he saw tears running unchecked down Lupins face.  
  
'Pull, your self together, man!' it was a poor attempt at his usually menacing growl, but he had found a lump in his throat as he looked at the thin, pale boy.  
  
It was at this moment that Dumbledore entered with Sirius, who taking one look at Remus's face sprung over to the bed, his face bloodless.  
  
'Tell me he hasn't tried it again.' His voice was nothing but a pleading whisper.  
  
Snape looked away and Remus's tears started flowing faster as Sirius fell to his knees by the bed.  
  
He looked at the, already blood stained, new bandages around Harry's arms and put his head down on the bed, his shoulders shaking with heart wrenching sobs. The only word discernable from between sobs was 'Why?'  
  
'Why indeed?' muttered Dumbledore to himself as he put his wand to Harry's head and said 'enervate.'  
  
Harry sat up groaning and glared at Dumbledore 'Tell me you haven't brought me back again. I'm getting tired of this. Can't you let me bloody well stay dead, even for once? I say.' he stared at Remus and then looked down at Sirius in consternation. 'What's the matter with them?'  
  
'Well, Mr Potter, what could be the matter with them?' Snape's voice was deadlier than usual and Harry shrank back. 'I'll give you a hint. Remus Lupin has just, for the second time in a month, walked in on the son of his late best friend lying unconscious on the floor with blood pouring from his wrists. Mr Black, here, thought that he had once again lost one of his few and far between reasons for staying sane in Azkaban and staying alive out of that hellhole they call a prison.'  
  
Harry stared up at him, his face unreadable, before a small smile crossed his face. 'Pull, the other one, Snape. No one in their right mind would break down like that just because of me, cry with relief maybe, but not with the devastating sadness that these two are. Now tell me truthfully, what's going on? Has some one died?'  
  
Sirius's sobs, if possible, became more distraught than ever as he realised that his godson was incapable of understanding that people might actually care for him.  
  
Snape and Dumbledore just stared at him as Remus bent down and put his arm around Sirius's shoulders.  
  
Harry's smile flickered as he stared at the unwavering stares of his Headmaster and Potions teacher before glancing at the grief stricken pair, kneeling before him.  
  
He glanced back at Snape, pleading him with his eyes too renounce the claims that he had just made. Snape just looked at him pityingly as the truth began penetrate deep within his soul.  
  
'No,' he whispered. 'What have I done?'  
  
Snape crossed the room in a trice as Harry began to heave, and vomit blood and bile all over floor down the side of his bed.  
  
Snape pulled Remus and Sirius away, as he sat on the bed, rubbing Harry's back, soothing him.  
  
Harry finished and sat up, his eyes red, his skin green and sweaty.  
  
He looked at the two grown men, standing in the corner, faces blotchy, eyes bloodshot. He fell, shaking and trembling, against Snape, as another wave of nausea overcame him.  
  
When he recovered and lay shivering against his Potions master he closed his eyes.  
  
He felt Snape's voice rumbling through his chest as he looked at Dumbledore. 'Leave us.'  
  
Sirius started a feeble, hiccoughing protest but stopped, when Harry opened a bleary eye and looked at him. 'Please Sirius, leave. I'm Sorry.'  
  
Lupin took his best friends arm and guided him out of the room. Dumbledore paused to glance at Snape before he too left, closing the door behind him.  
  
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\  
  
'You really didn't believe that anyone cared about you.' Snape's voice was dumbfounded.  
  
'No, why would I? No one has any reason to. I'm a filthy rotten murderer. I'm still not sure that I believe you.'  
  
Snape stared at him aghast. 'What if I offered you proof?'  
  
'Yeah right, like what?'  
  
'I'll take you inside my memories of the last three weeks.'  
  
'You wouldn't do that. Not for anyone, and definitely not for me.'  
  
'If it is the only way to show you that people care about you, then yes I would.'  
  
Harry paused, thinking. 'Ok, but I will be proven right.'  
  
'If you want to think that then you are welcome to. But you will be proven wrong. I promise.'  
  
He paused, took his wand out and pointed it at Harry, placing Harry's hands on his head.  
  
'Revealous Previoso Memorous.' 


	15. Chapter Twelve

Chapter 12  
  
Harry spun around and around in the dark as he was sucked into his hated Professors memories.  
  
When he hit the ground he found that he was being propelled down the corridor towards Dumbledore's office.  
  
His attempts to stop were fruitless.  
  
Harry had just given up trying to stop when he was hit by a wave of apprehension, followed by determination.  
  
What the hell? Where had those feelings just come from?  
  
It was a couple of seconds before he realised that this was not like any of the memories that he had found himself stranded in before. In this memory, he was actually in the body of his Potions Professor, and to top the absurdity off, he was able to feel the emotions that Snape had been feeling at the time these memories were actually taken place. The idea made him more than a little uncomfortable.  
  
He was just wondering what memory he was in when he saw himself, as while as a sheet, muttering as he walked along in a daze. Harry would have laughed if he hadn't realised where this was going.  
  
He felt himself stop, and a strong dislike overcame him. It was then followed by confusion and just a touch of bewildered concern.  
  
His mouth opened of its own will, and shouted his own name, once.twice.then feeling annoyed and slightly panicky three times.  
  
He watched his body look dazedly up at himself and felt that the disquiet he was now feeling was totally warranted.  
  
He felt Snape's horror at the accidental kindness shown to him and then the relief as he slipped back into greasy git mode.  
  
He felt the guilt and horror of his teacher as he watched himself running off, nearly knocking over Lupin.  
  
Snape spoke briefly with Lupin before they both decided to see Dumbledore.  
  
'Well, Severus, Remus, what can I do for you?'  
  
'It's Harry, sir, he was acting oddly in the hall and since he came from your office we thought you might know what was wrong.'  
  
'I see.'  
  
Harry felt a chill sweep through Snape's body as he looked at Dumbledore's unusually grave face.  
  
'Harry, has just received word that his Aunt has committed suicide, because his uncle has been assaulting her.'  
  
Harry felt remorse course through Snape's veins as he stumbled back.  
  
'Shit!'  
  
'Severus?'  
  
'I said something to him, that given the circumstances, I probably shouldn't have said. I was concerned, he was white and muttering. I asked if one of his devoted fans had passed away.'  
  
Dumbledore was looking graver by the second. 'what did he do?'  
  
'He looked up at me, with those. those eyes, those eyes that have aged far to quickly, and he started crying, crying Albus. He said something about it not being a fan, but an enemy and he ran off.'  
  
Harry watched as Lupin looked at Snape in disgust, and felt the misgiving feelings of Snape as he looked upon the face of the angry werewolf.  
  
'He knocked into me and was crying his eyes out.'  
  
'Very well, I suggest that you and Severus go and talk to him. He should be in the Gryffindor tower by now. Severus, you must apologise to him.'  
  
Harry felt the anger and revulsion that Snape felt, before it was overcome by resignation.  
  
'Good. I expect a full report when I get back.'  
  
The office dissolved in blackness.  
  
  
  
Harry found himself outside the door to his dormitory. He felt a mix of Snape's irritation and his own discomfort, as he realised what would come next.  
  
He heard a slight movement behind the door before he heard his own weary voice bidding them to enter.  
  
Lupin raised his eyebrows at Snape/Harry as he turned the handle.  
  
He felt Snape's amusement as he watched his face blanch as Snape/Harry entered the room.  
  
As Lupin started to explain why they were there, the realisation that he was about to apologise to Potter hit Snape/Harry. A wave of fury built up inside of him, so when Lupin stated that he thought he could smell blood, Snape totally over reacted.  
  
When he had finished his tirade Snape turned back to Harry.  
  
Harry felt Snape's slight wave of guilt as he watched himself quoting Snape's harsh words.  
  
Then he felt the anger of the disrespect and was about to retort, when a warning look from Lupin silenced him.  
  
Harry tried to scrunch his eyes up, but was unable to as he watched himself throw his hands up into the air.  
  
He felt Snape stiffen and then shock, horror, distress and finally pity swept through his body.  
  
It looked much worse from this angle.  
  
He felt himself pushing Snape and Lupin out the door and it slamming shut.  
  
Both Lupin and Snape/Harry stood for a moment, confused then he felt both himself and Snape astounded as they perceived tears glinting in Lupins eyes.  
  
Then they were gone as both Lupin and Snape launched themselves at the door shouting and screaming.  
  
He saw Lupin's near desperation as he banged on the door. He found himself turning around and taking his worry out on the younger children whilst shouting spells to Lupin.  
  
He felt Snape's relief as he saw Ron and Hermione pushing their way through the people on the stairs.  
  
He watched, numb, as Snape's body carried him through the doorway, into an empty room.  
  
He saw Hermione and Ron's scared faces as they tried to find out what was happening. He thanked the God that he didn't really believe in that Ron hadn't said anything about the cloak, and then cursed him as he realised that Snape had read between the lines.  
  
The room once again evaporated into nothingness.  
  
Harry found himself back in Dumbledore's office and felt like cringing. Dumbledore was staring at Snape in disbelief.  
  
'Are you sure? I mean.how long do you think he has been doing it?'  
  
'I only got a quick glance but some of those scars looked old. We have no way of telling because one of the first charms Flitwick teaches his students is the concealment charm. He must have been using it because Poppy would have noticed on his numerous trips to the infirmary.'  
  
'Yes, something tells me that his muggle relatives wouldn't have checked his arms for cuts. Ah Severus, everyone credits me with being an excellent judge of character, and I believed I was too, but I can't be that good. I mean, he has the right profile to be a cutter.'  
  
Dumbledore sighed.  
  
'I just don't understand how I didn't see it before.'  
  
The next place that Harry found himself was up at the head table. He cast his mind back, trying to work out when this memory was from.  
  
As Snape's head searched the Gryffindor table Harry saw Ron's black eye and remembered what memory he was in.  
  
He felt Snape jerk in surprise as he saw Ron's eye. He took in Hermione's pale face and the way that they were barely touching their food.  
  
The door to the Great Hall opened and Snape/Harry looked up to see the Gryffindor Quidditch Team.  
  
He felt the automatic resentment as they walked into the hall. Harry saw with Snape's eyes how his emotionless face turned from a blank vacant stare to bitter resentment when he saw Ron and Hermione.  
  
He stalked passed them, his anger obvious even from Snape's seat, and he felt Snape's involuntary shudder.  
  
Lupin got up from his seat and bent to whisper in Snape's ear. 'Dumbledore wants you, me and Sirius to talk to him after the morning lessons. I'll go and tell him.'  
  
Snape inclined his head to show he had heard and took a bite of his toast.  
  
He watched Lupin bent to speak to Harry.  
  
From Harry's position, he could see the way that his face, if possible turned even angrier.  
  
*Well what did they expect?* Harry wondered as he watched Lupin leave the room. *It was, and still is now that I think about it, none of their business.*  
  
He turned his attention back to himself and felt some of his anger resurface, as he saw the do-gooder expressions on Ron and Hermione's face.  
  
He watched himself push past them before turning around.  
  
He couldn't see their faces but he remembered the pathetic hope that they had been emanating.  
  
He watched with delight as he took in the faces of two of the many people that he hated right at that moment and opened his mouth.  
  
'STAY OUT OF MY FUCKING LIFE!'  
  
Harry felt Snape's body leap six feet in the air. He heard, this time around, that the whole student and teacher body had frozen and were sitting in a stunned silence.  
  
He watched as Ron and Hermione turned around, and felt a slight stab of guilt, before being overwhelmed by Snape's pity?!?!?!  
  
Snape felt sorry for Ron and Hermione?!?!?!  
  
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\  
  
Harry looked around the dungeon that he used for his potions class. He felt a panicky feeling wash over Snape's body as the whole class ran for the door.  
  
*What the.?*  
  
He watched as Lupin ran around the corner and felt Snape's slight relief as he Heard Hermione say that someone had found the mirror of Erised again.  
  
As he was carried up the hall in Snape's body, he tried to work out where he was. Everyone was looking scared.  
  
He watched as Hermione tripped on the uneven flooring and Malfoy steadied her.  
  
Huh?!?!  
  
As they neared the door at the end of yet another corridor, Harry felt a sense of foreboding. He knew which memory he was in now.  
  
As Lupin pushed the door open he heard him exclaim 'Fucking Merlin, oh shit, Harry!'  
  
He felt Snape's body tense as he prepared himself to follow Lupin in. He felt Snape's shudder and wave of nausea.  
  
Harry stared at himself lying on the ground with Lupin bending over him. He saw his wrists, nearly shredded and the blood that was flowing out from them. He looked at the smile on his face and hatred rose in him.  
  
*Couldn't they tell that I was happy? Stupid Fuckwits.*  
  
He felt the presence of his two friends and Malfoy behind him, and obviously Snape had as well, because he turned sharply and told Ron and Malfoy not to let Hermione in to the room.  
  
Snape's distress was evident to Harry as Hermione pushed past him. Snape turned and tried to stop her, but could only watch in despair as she saw Harry and collapsed.  
  
Snape crossed the room to light a fire so that he could summon Madam Pomfrey. Harry felt him shudder again as he heard Ron vomit in the corner.  
  
He ignored Madam Pomfrey as she muttered something about the noise. He turned and started pacing up and down the room.  
  
He heard Hermione's ragged sobs as she came around and looked up to see Dumbledore in the room.  
  
Harry felt Snape's inexplicable relief as he looked at the Headmaster. Harry knew that feeling. He doubted that he would ever feel it again, but he knew what Snape was feeling. It was relief that now that Dumbledore was here, everything would be fine.  
  
He moved to the fire place and threw some floo powder in to the orange flames, dancing in the grate.  
  
Harry started as he saw Lupins face, it was pale and he could see Lupin trembling. For a moment Harry felt a stab of regret that he had hurt his father's friend, but then quashed it with the reminder that Lupin wouldn't feel the sadness for long.  
  
The room faded away.  
  
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\  
  
The Great Hall swam before Harry's face. The sombre looks on the pale faces of his class mates and teachers left Harry in no doubt as to this memory.  
  
What surprised him most was the intense emotions that Snape was experiencing. To Harry's amazement the man, who had gone out of his way to wreak malicious havoc in Harry's life, was actually trembling. He was distressed that Harry had tried to kill himself.  
  
As Harry looked around the room, he saw Hermione sobbing out her heart on Ron's shoulder.  
  
And Ron! The boy who scorned at any weakness of emotions in a boy, looked like he had been crying.  
  
Harry looked around with Snape's eyes and saw Malfoy, pacing up and down the room. Even his face looked troubled.  
  
A brief blackness told Harry that a few hours had been fast forwarded before the room re-emerged.  
  
Hagrid was now crying, with Flitwick trying to comfort him. Harry would have laughed at the sight of the big man bawling his eyes out, with the tiny man trying pat him on his back, but he couldn't reach. Harry, however, felt more like crying himself.  
  
Had he really caused so much pain, to so many people? And they didn't even know that he was dead yet.  
  
Harry could see the desperate hope that had settled in many peoples faces. Harry felt Snape's pity as he saw Lupin on the ground, trying to comfort a whining Sirius.  
  
Snape's head turned and Harry was looking straight into the eyes of his transfiguration Professor.  
  
Her eyes were glittering with tears as she leaned over to speak to Snape.  
  
'You were there, Severus. Do you.' she choked and a tear slowly slipped down her face. Harry stared aghast as she continued. '.do you think that he will survive?'  
  
Harry felt Snape's anguish and guilt as he battled with himself about whether or not to tell her what he really thought.  
  
'I wont lie to you Minerva, he looked.he looked bad. Terrible in fact. The gashes were so deep. His face so white. he was smiling, Minerva, smiling! His deadened eyes were staring at me as Lupin stepped into the flames. Those eyes that have aged so much faster than his body. Even if he does survive Minerva, I don't know what will happen to him. Those eyes, and that smile. He looked so peaceful and happy. A fifteen year old child should have that tranquil look every day. It should be on his face every second. It should exasperate me in class so that I am forced to yell. It shouldn't only appear when the child has tried to take his own life. It's not right.' Snape looked at the tears trickling down his colleague's face. 'I'm sorry, Minerva. I didn't want to distress you even more.'  
  
'You didn't answer, my question Severus.'  
  
The door swung open as he replied. 'Well I think you're about to find out anyway.'  
  
Harry watched as Hermione sprang up and ran to Dumbledore. The guilt that was eating away at him was unbearable. Harry couldn't even cry because he was in another's body.  
  
Harry waited with bated breath as Dumbledore opened his mouth.  
  
*Please lie, please don't let anyone take it badly, please let everyone be happy, don't let anyone be sad. Please don't tell them* Harry knew that his silent pleading to the memory of Dumbledore would do nothing to stop him.  
  
'I'm sorry.'  
  
Harry could only watch horrified as Hermione screamed in despair. He felt Snape's resigned misery. He watched as Ron pushed Dean and Seamus away from him as the hated tears streamed down his face.  
  
Harry's remorse worsened as he saw Malfoy collapse to the ground and next to him McGonagall began to weep. Hagrid's sobs were drowning out nearly every other noise, but Harry could still hear Sirius's tormented howls.  
  
Harry suddenly found Snape standing. The chair fell unheeded the floor as he strode from the room.  
  
The vision ended and Harry found himself back in the infirmary. Tears streaked down his cheeks as he looked at the sympathetic face of Snape. The expression that Harry had never ever expected to see on the said persons face made him cry harder.  
  
'You never believed that anyone cared, did you?' Snape repeated bewildered.  
  
Harry shook his head wordlessly. Snape looked at the distraught boy and was ashamed that he had been so cruel to him. He stepped over and gathered him into a hug.  
  
Harry stiffened against him, and Snape silently berated himself as he quickly loosened his grip. Harry suddenly relaxed in his arms and Snape rocked him back and forwards like a baby.  
  
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\  
  
Albus Dumbledore was a wise man. In the wizarding world's opinion he was the wisest man alive. To his students and many of the naiver members of the faculty, he was the solution to all conceivable problems barring Voldemort (and some still thought that he knew how rid the world of that monstrosity). Albus Dumbledore himself had believed that he was more perceptive than the average witch or wizard.  
  
But as Albus Dumbledore looked into the mirror in his private chambers, and allowed the automatic mask of calm and serenity to slip from his face, all he saw was a tired, lost old man. A man who had the weight of the world on his shoulders. A man who didn't have the vaguest idea how to help Harry Potter.  
  
Dumbledore wasn't a vain man but he did know that he was one of the smartest and most powerful wizards ever to have walked the earth. He was the head of the Order of the Phoenix, he had successfully defeated Grindlewald, he had spent years researching alchemy and had assisted in the creation of the Philosophers Stone, he spent his evenings (when most people were relaxing in front of the fire) devising plans and plots to undermine Voldemort for heavens sake, and yet he couldn't figure out how to prevent one fifteen year old boy from taking his life.  
  
Granted that this fifteen year old boy was most probably the only hope of salvation for the wizarding and muggle world alike, but still. Dumbledore shook his head. What would he do?  
  
A knock at the door shook him out of his reverie and the mask slid back into place as he sat up straight and bid the newcomer to enter. Professor McGonagall stood in the hall outside his room, panting slightly.  
  
'Al.Albus, come.you must.follow me.miracle.Harry.Se.Sev'  
  
Dumbledore stood and followed her from the room. As they neared the infirmary Dumbledore, overcome by now with curiosity, spoke.  
  
'Minerva, what is going on? Has something happened to Harry?'  
  
'Shhhh, come and see. No, don't go in, just look, I haven't seen him like this since Sean. Lucidinoto.'  
  
The door shimmered transparently so that they could see in, but the room's occupants could not see out.  
  
Dumbledore gasped, for sitting in a chair, cradling a sleeping Harry Potter in his arms was none other that Severus Snape.  
  
As the two watched, Harry sighed quietly and moved, changing his position so that he was snuggling into Snape's chest.  
  
Two gasps sounded from behind the awestruck pair as Hermione and Lupin took in the scene that appeared before them.  
  
As if sensing their presence, Snape lifted Harry and carried him over to the bed. He placed him under the covers tucked in the sheets. 


	16. Chapter Thirteen

Chapter 13  
  
As Snape had cradled the boy in his arms, he was filled with regret. This should be his son that he was holding, not the son of his sworn enemy.  
  
*Flasback*  
  
'My Lord? I.what.that is to say, what do you mean.dispose of them? They are not traitors. They are as loyal to you and our cause as I.'  
  
The high, cold laugh is full of harsh mirth as the voice replies, 'I shouldn't hold yourself to that, Severus, my friend. Or you might find yourself suffering a similar fate.'  
  
'But, but my Lord.Sean, he is only a baby.not yet one.he can not be a traitor.he is to young, he cannot even talk. And Drulisa, she wouldn't, couldn't ever.'  
  
'Do not speak to me of that whore that you married, Snape. If I say she is a traitor, then she is a traitor. And as for the young one, he will follow in the footsteps of his hussy of a mother- but wait. why am I explaining my actions to you? I do not see why I should refer to you about how I should punish traitors. I do not see what gives you the right to question my actions. In fact I do not even recall permitting you to speak. You may be the best potion brewer in Britain and therefore not expendable, but that doesn't mean that I cannot punish you. I have no use for snivelling little turncoats in this field of work. Crucio.'  
  
Snape falls to the ground, but he doesn't scream. He is to busy worrying about what his lord and master has said to even notice the pain. After ten minutes of the torture Snape's body cannot take the pain and he blacks out.  
  
When he awakens he finds himself in a field. It is night time. He doesn't know how long he has been unconscious, he doesn't know how long he has been there, he doesn't know where he is, and he doesn't even know what day it is. He only knows one thing.  
  
He has to get to Albus Dumbledore.  
  
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\  
  
'So Severus, you are a Death Eater, but Voldemort believes that your family are traitors, despite your son being only a baby and he wants to have them killed. Therefore you want to join the side of the light.'  
  
'Yes sir. I want to become a spy for the side of the light.'  
  
'And how do I know that you are trustworthy, Severus? I have administered Veritaserum to you, but you are a Potions Master. The best in all of Britain and one of the best three in the world, plus you have just admitted being a Death Eater. You may have found an antidote. How can I believe you? How can you prove yourself to me?'  
  
'I. I can tell you of a plan, a plan involving one of my worst enemies. I can tell you of a family that Voldemort is planning to kill. I do not know why, but it sounds as though they could be threat to his power. Dumbledore, if I tell you this then you must believe that I have turned to your side. I would rather that he dies, but if it proves to you that I am loyal then I will tell you. Voldemort wants to kill the Potters. Something about their son. I don't know what. But you must believe me now, Albus. I hate James Potter.'  
  
'Very well Severus. I believe you. We will talk more about this plan later. My first priority is getting Drulisa and Sean to a safe place.'  
  
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\  
  
'Oh Merlin, fuck no.' Snape's voice is torn in anguish.  
  
'Severus, calm down. You said that Drulisa was taking Sean out tonight. They may not have been in there.'  
  
'They are always home by ten. Its one in the morning.'  
  
'Wait here, Severus, I'll go in first, just in case.'  
  
Snape stands trembling as he watches Dumbledore enter the smouldering remains of what used to be his house. The Dark Mark hovers over the ruins. He waits a few moments and then runs in to the house, unable to wait any longer.  
  
He runs in and finds Dumbledore standing, facing what used to be the corner of his kitchen.  
  
'No! No no no no no.'  
  
'I am so sorry Severus.'  
  
He falls to the ground in front of the half blown away wall. Up on the wall is strung the burnt and charred remains of what used to be Drulisa Snape. Her hair and skin has been burned away. Her whole body is black. Parts of her limbs are crumbling into dust. What can be seen of her once beautiful face is twisted up in terror. Part of her skull is gone and her eyes, which don't seem to be harmed are staring at Snape.  
  
On the floor, covered in the blackened ash of his mother, is nine month old Sean Snape. He looks unharmed other than the fact that he is dead.  
  
'At least he didn't suffer Severus.'  
  
'No Albus he didn't. But he is dead, and she did suffer before dying. He will pay for this Dumbledore. He will.'  
  
*End Flashback*  
  
A tear ran down Snape's face as he tucked Harry into bed. He sat in the chair next to the bed. Although he had meant to stay awake he was asleep within ten minutes.  
  
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\  
  
Outside the door the three adults and student were standing quietly.  
  
When Snape had started to cry Hermione had tactfully turned away, not wishing to see her professor crying. She knew that if he ever found out that she had witnessed that event her life would be made a living hell for the next two years at Hogwarts.  
  
Lupin was also staring at the ground shifting uncomfortably from foot to foot.  
  
McGonagall had tears running down her face. 'Albus, I do believe that is the first time I have ever seen him display any emotion other that contempt. He didn't even appear sad when Drulisa and Sean.'  
  
She broke off when she realised Hermione was still standing there.  
  
'He didn't, even then, Minerva.' Albus sighed heavily.  
  
'He couldn't. And not because of his spy status. He just refused to show how much he was hurting. All I ever saw was anger when he first found her and after that nothing. I kept a close eye on him, in case he ever snapped but he didn't. It was most peculiar. I know that he loved her, perhaps more that she did him but he never showed any sign. Even at the funeral he looked the same way he always had. When the other Death Eaters attacked and vandalised her tomb stone, he still did nothing. I was the one who went to clean it up and mend it. He didn't even react when I told him what had happened.'  
  
'I think he was trying to wipe her from his memory.' interjected Lupin.  
  
'That can't be it,' protested McGonagall. 'she was what made him turn a spy. He wouldn't try and forget her, because then he wouldn't have a reason for spying. He never does anything without a good enough reason.'  
  
'That's not what I meant. You see, when James and Lily were killed and I thought that Sirius had betrayed them and then killed Peter I tried to forget about them. But not completely. I tried to pretend that I hadn't known them and that they were just some random killing. Although I could never do that completely it helped to numb the pain until I was ready to deal with it. I don't think Severus has done exactly that, but he has tried to do something similar. I think that he thought if he refused to acknowledge the grief he felt then he would cope much better. He always kept them in his head, but he tried to lock most of his love for her and Sean, and his grief about their deaths, away in this tiny compartment inside him. That way he could still access a small amount of his feelings when he needed a reminder about why he was doing what he was doing. He kept away the one thing that could break him, but left enough to control him when times were bad.'  
  
The other three were staring at him, bewildered.  
  
Lupin looked uncomfortable. 'I know I'm not articulate and that came out all jumbled up, but I know what I mean.'  
  
'No, no, I think I understand what you are saying.'  
  
'Well either way, I think we had better leave, before he comes out and hears us discussing him.'  
  
All four turned to go to their separate abodes, but after Hermione turned a corner her curiosity got the better of her. She turned and ran back in the direction she had come.  
  
Lupin was sitting at his desk marking some essays when he heard a tentative knock at the door.  
  
'Come in.' he called. 'Ah, Hermione, what can I do for you?'  
  
'Well, sir, I was thinking about that conversation you and the other two Professors were having and I know it is none of my business, but who are Drulisa and Sean?'  
  
'They were his wife and son.'  
  
'W- wife and son? That horrible oily man actually had a wife and a son?'  
  
'Yes he did.'  
  
'What happened to them?'  
  
Lupin put down his quill and looked at her. 'I am about to tell you a story, but I don't want you to repeat it to anyone. Very few people know about it and I think that Professor Snape would like it kept that way. I will, however tell you because I know that I can trust you and you must be very confused.'  
  
Hermione nodded. 'Thankyou, sir.'  
  
'Sit down, Hermione. Ok, well I suppose this story begins when we were still at school. Drulisa Potter as she was then was James's younger sister. She was a year younger than us and very pretty.  
  
James and his parents doted on her. She was smarter that James and Sirius put together. She was probably one of the most brilliant students that Hogwarts has ever seen. Everyone loved her, and she wasn't a bit vain about it. She was very down to earth, and unlike James, she never wanted to be the centre of attention.  
  
When she came to our school we were in our second year and we had already become the Marauders and we already disliked Snape. So when it became obvious that he liked Drulisa our dislike intensified. We didn't worry, though because most of the males in our school would walk past her with their tongues hanging out.  
  
When she was in her third year, and us in our fourth, to our horror she began reciprocating his feelings. Unbeknown to them, Sirius liked her as well, so when they started dating in our fifth year it was the last straw for Padfoot. He was totally in love with her, and I think that it affected his reasoning.  
  
When he caught making out one evening he decided that he would take Snape out to teach him a lesson. A lesson that involved a full moon, the Whomping Willow and me.  
  
Drulisa had fallen asleep in her room and Sirius had locked the door. It was only by chance that James heard her banging on it when he walked past her room on his way to our room. He let her out and Peter told him that he had seen Sirius dragging Snape outside.  
  
James and Drusila realised what he was doing. James was apparently going to leave Sirius to do what he wanted. I don't actually think he thought that Sirius would actually do it. When Drulisa became hysterical he went out just to please her and of course he saw what was happening and rescued Snape.  
  
That was it. Drulisa hated Sirius from then on. She and James grew apart. She wasn't angry with him, but hanging around James meant hanging around the boy who had tried to get her boyfriend murdered and the werewolf that had nearly killed him.  
  
She was offered a chance to skip a year and join us, but she turned it down without even thinking about it. It was a sore blow to her, because she was bored in all her classes, she didn't have any real friends in her year because they were jealous of her and Hogwarts doesn't ask people to skip a year on a whim. She was the first person to be offered the chance in nearly 150 years.  
  
But I'm digressing. When we left school Snape and Drulisa became engaged at about the same time that Lily and James did. She wanted a double wedding and it seemed that Severus wanted to reconcile with him and is family but James wouldn't have it. He wanted Sirius as his best man and he didn't want him to have to go through the pain of watching his love marry his worst enemy. They had a huge fight and neither attended the others wedding.  
  
They started speaking again when Drulisa became pregnant. Lily got pregnant soon after and everything seemed rosy. But it wasn't.  
  
When Snape had told his father who he was engaged to his father flipped out. His only had refused to become a Death Eater and now he was marrying a Gryffindor. His father threatened Drulisa's life. The only thing that Snape could do to pacify his father was become a Death Eater. So he did.  
  
He was going to keep it a secret from Drulisa but a year into their marriage she found out. Instead of leaving him as everyone expected she joined him. Drulisa Potter now Drulisa Snape became a Death Eater. She lasted six months before James found out. He immediately disowned her without a second thought.'  
  
Lupin broke off with a far away look on his face. Hermione interrupted. 'So how old were you at this time? You must have been in your early twenties.'  
  
'Let me see, Snape and Drulisa had got married straight after she finished school. She was only seventeen and he eighteen. Everyone was marrying young because no-one believed that they would live very long with the threat of Voldemort hanging over them.  
  
They were only married two months before she fell pregnant. Lily and James had married when they were both eighteen, about a week after Drulisa and Severus's wedding. Drulisa became pregnant two months later and Lily, one month after her.  
  
Lily gave birth a month prematurely at about the same time as Drulisa. They had been married 11 months by now. Then Drulisa became a Death Eater when Sean was about a month old.  
  
Harry was six months when James found out that she had become a Death Eater. So they had been married about a year and a half. We were still in our teens. Nineteen bloody years old. Drulisa only eighteen.  
  
Well as I said James disowned her. I think that was when she realised the enormity of what she was doing. Two months later she was running to James begging for forgiveness. She turned spy for our side but somehow Voldemort found out.  
  
I guess, looking back that it must have been Peter. He had been behaving oddly but we never thought anything of it. We were to worried about Drulisa to take any notice of him.  
  
Anyway when Harry and Sean were about eighteen months Voldemort killed Sean and Drulisa. It was horrible. Sirius and James were aurors and they, unfortunately were first on the scene after Snape and Dumbledore. James never got over it, not that he lived that long afterwards. He said that they had set her alight and she had burnt alive. Apparently she was strung up on a wall hardly recognisable.  
  
So Snape became a spy. He was the one who told Dumbledore about the plot to kill Harry.  
  
Lily and James were dead about eight, nine months later. They didn't need to die of course. They were just protecting Harry. For some reason Voldemort saw him as a threat. Maybe he was losing his marbles. But either way he killed them. Mercilessly too. Harry told me that he can hear them when the Dementors get to close. He can hear James trying to hold him off so that Lily could get away. He can hear Lily trying to sacrifice himself to save her. I think that we grew up faster in those final months than we had in our entire lives.  
  
We were only nineteen fucking years old. That was what Voldemort did to people. Nineteen years old and three of us were dead, one a spy, one in Azkaban for something that he didn't do and one a traitor living as a rat.  
  
And now he is back. According to Trelawny "greater and more terrible than ever before". Is it possible. I didn't think it could get any worse than that. But it's going to. And we are powerless to prevent it.'  
  
Hermione watched with tears running down her face as he put his head in his hands. He seemed to have forgotten that she was there. He was lost in his memories. She realised that he hadn't mentioned himself in the whole story.  
  
*It must have been terrible for him.* she thought to herself. *He was the only one left. He thought that his two friends were dead and one a traitor. He had to live for twelve years, shunned by the wizarding world for what he was, with no-one to turn too. Those years must have nearly been as bad for him as they were for Sirius.*  
  
She stood quietly. 'I'm sorry Professor Lupin.'  
  
She was leaving the room when his voice stopped her. 'It's ok, Hermione. I have never actually talked to anyone about that time. It was just hard to relive. I'm sorry about my language earlier.'  
  
'That's ok sir,' Hermione smiled. 'You can't really expect me to be shocked when I've been friends with Harry and Ron for the past 5 years.'  
  
'I guess not.' Lupin laughed. He suddenly stopped.  
  
'Harry.'  
  
'I've tried to stop thinking about it. It's not going to help him if we keep going to pieces on him. He feels enough guilt as it is.' Hermione said quietly.  
  
'Well I'd better go. I have an essay to do for Snape on the importance in clean cauldrons.'  
  
She was halfway out the door when a thought struck her and she turned around aghast.  
  
'Snape married Drulisa who was James's sister. Which makes Snape Harry's Uncle! Oh fuck. What will Harry say?'  
  
'Um. well I, um. that is. he might, well. er' 'Are you trying to tell me that you haven't even considered that Harry might want to know that he has living relatives. Even if it is Snape. But that's not the point, why the hell did Dumbledore make him stay with those muggles? He said it was because he was protected in the care of his relatives. Snape is his bloody uncle.'  
  
'Hermione calm down. I hadn't actually considered that aspect of it. Not even when Dumbledore told me he was going to Lily's side of the family. It didn't even occur to me that Snape was his uncle, and remember that you promised not to let anyone know that you know. You can't say or do anything. And under no circumstances are you to tell Harry. Do I make myself clear Miss Granger?'  
  
Hermione cringed at his unusually stern tone. 'Yes, sir. I think I will go to bed now. Sorry to disturb you.'  
  
She ran out before he had time to say anything else. 


	17. Chapter Fourteen

Chapter 14  
  
As Hermione was drifting off to sleep, confusing thoughts swirling through her head, Harry was waking up from his disturbed sleep. He glanced around, blearily, and his eyes fell on Snape.  
  
Harry sat up silently and felt around in the semi-darkness and put on his glasses. The room came sharply into focus. The only light was coming from a solitary candle. Harry looked at Snape curiously.  
  
Why was Snape sitting next to his bed? The only people that had done that before were the Weasleys, Hermione, Dumbledore and Sirius. They had only been there out of concern. Was Snape concerned about him? Was Snape capable of being concerned about anybody? It was not a characteristic that he was very well know for, in fact Harry couldn't recall a time when he had ever seen his professor be anything but cold, calculating and cynical. Harry shook his head, trying to make some sense of the thoughts swimming around.  
  
He was still half asleep and trying to remember the traumatic events of the previous day gave him a headache. He had vague, half formed ideas about what had been happening, but it made no sense. He seemed to be remembering things that could only have happened when he was dead. But had he been dead? Or had he simply dreamt it?  
  
Harry was beginning to think he was going mad. When he began to recollect that he had been crying in Snapes' arms, he knew that he had lost it. He must be in St. Mungos. That is the only explanation for the clinical look to the room. Then his eyes fell on Snape again and all the memories inundated him.  
  
As Harry began to process what had actually been happening to him, his gaze never left Snapes sleeping form. What was he still doing here?  
  
As if Snape had heard the unvoiced question, he stirred and looked directly into Harry's eyes. Harry drew in his breath sharply as he saw the pain in the usually empty tunnels of black. A moment later all emotion had died and Snape was sitting up in his seat.  
  
'Why are you awake Potter? You need to get some rest.' His voice was its usual silky self, but without the biting tone that it usually contained. The disdain that usually resided in his eyes as he looked at Harry was also gone.  
  
'Sorry sir, I just woke up then. I haven't been sleeping well for ages, I mean, I hadn't been before.'  
  
'Yes, I understand. If you would like I will go and get you some Dreamless sleep potion.'  
  
'Would you sir? Thanks heaps.'  
  
'Just a moment P.Harry.'  
  
When Snape returned, Harry was curled up in a little ball with tears streaking his face.  
  
'Professor? Did all those people really care that much?'  
  
'Harry, this isn't the right time to be discussing this. Wait until you have had a good sleep, then we will talk.'  
  
'But did they?' Harry pressed.  
  
'Yes they did. Now do as you are told for once in your life Potter and go to sleep.'  
  
'Yes sir.'  
  
After Snape was sure Harry had drunk all of his potion and was sound asleep he left the infirmary.  
  
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\  
  
Harry awoke to hear muffled voices. He listened intently to try and discern what they were saying.  
  
'Dumbledore said that we shouldn't be here until he or Harry asks for us.'  
  
'I know that Hermione, d'ya have to go around stating the bloody obvious?'  
  
'Well if it's so "bloody obvious" then why are we here disturbing him?'  
  
'We aren't disturbing him, he isn't awake which is a miracle with your high screeching. For your information Dumbledore doesn't know everything about everything. He hasn't even spoken to Harry from what we know, so how would he know what's best for him?'  
  
'Screeching, screeching?'  
  
'Yes you're doing it now.'  
  
'Dumbledore is the headmaster, he does know what is right for Harry.'  
  
'Just because he is the headmaster, you automatically think he is a saint. He is HUMAN Hermione. That means he can be wrong. Not often, mind you, but he can be. Not to mention the fact that he is unmistakably barmy.'  
  
'Shut it you two. How the hell does Potter manage to keep himself sane hanging around the two of you. I thought I had it tough with Crabbe and Goyle, but at least they know how to keep quiet.' 'Yes it is hard. I was almost free of it forever and then bloody Snape goes and adds his two pence worth,' said Harry, sitting up suddenly.  
  
He grinned around at them. 'So what have I missed. Are you two shagging yet? Why are we so chummy with Malfoy all of a sudden?'  
  
'Harry!'  
  
'Nuh really, jeez I was wondering who I was. Oh and by the way I'm not deaf so there is absolutely no need for you to scream my name at me.'  
  
The three stood for a moment, staring at him warily. Ron and Hermione had experienced first hand what he was like when he was sarcastic. It wasn't often but it was often enough. Draco gaped open mouthed.  
  
'You sounded like Snape, for a minute there Potter.'  
  
Harry shuddered and Ron looked scandalised. No one noticed Hermione's face blanch for a moment before she bent to give Harry a tentative hug.  
  
'How are you?'  
  
'Well I am extremely cheesed off at Snape for bringing me back, but from what I have seen you guys just couldn't live without me.' Harry grinned wickedly.  
  
A voice sounded from the door. 'Well it took you a while but I am glad you finally figured it out Potter.'  
  
'Hello Professor,' said Harry warily. He hadn't forgotten that he had spent the past few days either yelling or crying in Snape's presence.  
  
'Good evening Harry.'  
  
'Har. er I mean, sorry sir.'  
  
'That's fine Weasley, now it is almost time for your curfew so if you three wouldn't mind, I would like to have a word with Har, Mr Potter.'  
  
'Yes sir, bye Harry'  
  
'Bye Potter.'  
  
'See ya Harry.'  
  
'Now Harry, how are you feeling?'  
  
'A bit sick sir, but I think I will be fine. How long have I been asleep?'  
  
'Two days, I gave you an extremely strong dose.'  
  
'Asleep for two days and I am still tired?'  
  
'You have been through a traumatic experience Harry. I am actually surprised that you are awake at all. I want you to go back to sleep now.'  
  
'Can I have some more sleeping potion?'  
  
'Sorry Harry. I can't give you anymore. You have had a very strong dose and it is very strong and can become addictive. Like a muggle narcotic.'  
  
'Yes, sir.' Harry paused for a minute, unable to phrase his next question. 'Sir, I er well.'  
  
'Yes Harry?'  
  
'Could you stayherewithmeincaseIgetnightmares?' Harry stumbled his words out shyly.  
  
'Of course. Oh and Dumbledore wants to see you tomorrow if you feel up to it.'  
  
'Yes sir, can Sirius and Re.Professor Lupin come as well?'  
  
'If you aren't tired out by speaking with the Headmaster, we will see. Now go to sleep Potter.'  
  
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\  
  
Snape awoke from his uncomfortable position in the plastic infirmary chair with a start. He reflected wryly that even though this was the largest magical institution in the whole of Britain, they still used plastic muggle chairs.  
  
He looked around in the dark, trying to determine what exactly it was that had woken him up. A whimper was emitting from the shaking lump under the blankets on the bed in front of him.  
  
He sat up and leant over the quivering form. Amidst the incomprehensible muttering he could discern a few words.  
  
'Sorry.mum.no.I.failure.mean to.anyone.Cedric.Volde- no.don't.kill, stop.not his.my fault.'  
  
Snape leapt 20 feet in the air before windmilling his arms in a most undignified fashion in an attempt to keep his balance as Harry sat up screaming.  
  
He was still asleep, but his eyes were open and staring. He started twitching and jerking. His eyes rolled back into his head and his erratic twitching changed to violent shuddering. His head tossed uncontrollably from side to as he continued screaming.  
  
As Snape bent over him to try and control his violent thrashing about, Madam Pomfrey ran in, her hair poking out from a hair net and a faded, pink dressing gown flapping open to reveal a pink cotton nightie.  
  
Snape shuddered and turned his attention back to Harry. *Pink* he thought disgustedly *you'd think the woman would have more taste than that.* The realisation that this thought was quite untimely crossed his mind briefly before he returned his attention to the boy in front of him.  
  
He had broken out in a violent sweat but was freezing to touch. Suddenly the screaming stopped and Harry sat up once again, still asleep.  
  
He sat as if listening to something before he collapsed screaming 'No, Professor, he knows, don't go back.'  
  
Harry awoke sweating and shaking 'Professor, I.'  
  
'Don't talk Harry it was just a nightmare.'  
  
'No it wasn't.I can sometimes see him, talking. In real conversations.are you a spy sir?'  
  
'That is none of your business Potter.' Snapes voice hard.  
  
'But sir, he, Voldemort said that he knows about a spy, I thought he said your name.he said.he said that you were.'  
  
'Were what Harry?'  
  
'It doesn't matter, look if you are the spy the you cant go back, he was talking to Wormtail, he said that he would have a surprise waiting for the traitor and that Nagini could have what was left of his body.'  
  
'PROFESSOR SNAPE this boy needs rest. Look at him he is cold and shaking. You can talk later.'  
  
'No Poppy, this is important. Potter, what were you going to say before? What was the other thing?'  
  
'It doesn't matter Professor, it was personal.'  
  
'Very well Harry. I shall go and inform the Headmaster. Good-night Poppy.' 


	18. Chapter Fifteen in which nothing much ha...

Chapter Fifteen  
  
'Ron, d'you know anything about family trees? Are they only a muggle thing or do wizards use them as well?'  
  
'Nah, wizards use them to Harry. Why?'  
  
'Um, I wanted to find out more about my family, you know.'  
  
It had been two weeks since Harry's nightmare. He was still in the infirmary but had been moved to the general ward. He was due to leave the infirmary within the next week or so.  
  
The people that knew about Harry's suicide were the only people allowed to visit him. Ron and Hermione came the most. Draco often accompanied them. Harry didn't know what to make of this friendship that had been forged during his death.  
  
'Well I 'spose you have a right to know about your family, but what will you learn from a family tree?'  
  
'Family tree?' Neither boy had noticed Hermione and Draco enter. Harry felt slightly miffed that he had to talk about his lack of family in front of Draco.  
  
'Yeah, I wanna know the names of my relatives. My grandparents, aunts and.uncles.'  
  
Hermione's heart sprang into her throat. Was it just her or had Harry put special emphasis on the uncle part? That would never do. Harry could never find out.  
  
'You, you don't really that a family tree is going to help at all do you? I mean, it will only make the pain worse. And besides knowing who your dead relatives are, isn't going to help you long term, is it? You would be better off studying for your owls. Merlin knows you need all the help you can get, considering the amount of death, resulting in lack of classes you have been experiencing.'  
  
The other three looked at her in bewilderment.  
  
'Um, Mione.you were the one who was nagging at me last year to get to know my family history.'  
  
'Um, well. I didn't mean instead of working towards your exams. Then look later.' *By then, hopefully, I will have found a way of distracting you.*  
  
'No, Mione, I wanna look now. I have waited 15 years and I am not in the mood for waiting any longer.'  
  
'All right, all right Harry. We'll look tonight, if you would like our help that is.'  
  
Hermione inwardly groaned. *Thanks Ron*.  
  
Aloud, she said 'Ok, I'll help too even though I still think you should be studying.'  
  
She stood to go.  
  
'Hermione.where are you going?'  
  
Hermione smiled at Draco. 'I,m just going to speak with Professor Lupin about the essay he set.'  
  
'He set an essay?' Ron sounded horrified. 'He can't do that.'  
  
'It's only for me, Ron,' soothed Hermione. 'Do you really think I would not remind you that we had an essay?'  
  
'Fucking hell, but that scared me.'  
  
'Language Ron!' Hermione corrected him automatically before realising exactly how many times she had used words that she would never have considered using lately.'  
  
She turned and left the ward.  
  
Once in the hall she started running. She swept passed some young Hufflepuffs and nearly knocked over a Slytherin prefect who shouted something about the loss of points for Gryffindor before she arrived panting at the DADA teachers office.  
  
She knocked sharply, then pounding the door impatiently she called through the door 'Professor, it's Hermione. Are you in there?'  
  
She pushed the door open gently.  
  
The professor was no where in sight but the Marauders Map lay on the table.  
  
Hermione didn't think twice as she stuffed it in her pocket, exiting the empty room. Once in the corridor she realised that she had actually stolen from a teacher and although it wasn't the first time, it didn't make her feel any less guilty. At least before she had been stealing from someone she hated and not a teacher whom she respected and admired.  
  
She turned to return the parchment but stopped. Well it wouldn't really matter keeping it for a while. She would return it later. First she had to find one of the creators of the map.  
  
'I solemnly swear I an up to no good.'  
  
Fine black lines appeared, fanning out across the parchment. After a moment or to she found her teacher. She noted with amusement that the little figure had a wolfs head and was labelled 'Moony'.  
  
She set off towards Dumbledores office. Upon arriving at the stone Gargoyle she glanced at the map which showed her the password before whispering 'Mischief Managed'.  
  
'Acid Pops.'  
  
'Ah, Miss Granger. What can I do for you?'  
  
Hermione blinked in surprise at the sight of her headmaster just inside the doorway but recovered herself.  
  
'I was looking for Professor Lupin, sir.'  
  
'Here I am, Hermione, is there a problem?'  
  
'Yes, sir. Harry has decided that it is time he should be investigating his family tree. He is going to the library this evening to search for it. I tried to stop him, by saying he needed to study, but it's Harry. I probably only gave him more reason to go.'  
  
'Well, well. This is an unfortunate turn of affairs. I assume that Miss Granger realises why we don't want him to read it.' It wasn't a question or a subtle dig, Dumbledore was merely stating the facts.  
  
'Well, I will keep him confined to the infirmary for the rest of the week and hopefully by that time we will have been able to destroy all books containing records of Harry's lineage. However I do not believe we will be able to do so in such a small amount of time. Nor do I believe it is the best option. I think we are all agreed that this is something that Harry must never find out.'  
  
'No Professor Dumbledore, with respect we are not all agreed.' Hermione looked shocked at her daring to speak out like this to her Headmaster, but she continued.  
  
'Harry has a right to know who his family is. He has had enough torment over the years, he deserves to have a real family. Also when he does find out, which is inevitable, he will feel deceived and betrayed. No offence, sir, but his trust of you is already waning. He is losing faith in everyone since he was brought back and this will only worsen the matter.'  
  
'Those are excellent points, Hermione, but do you really think Professor Snape is going to see it that way?'  
  
'Yes, Professor Lupin, I do. He is closer to Harry than he has ever been. Harry is even starting to like him. I think it is best that he finds out now so that if he reacts badly then he isn't to deep in a relationship with him, and if he reacts well, he doesn't have to start trying to get to know this man whom he has hated all his life. He will have a little knowledge of him already. And even if Snape.'  
  
'Professor Snape.'  
  
'Professor Snape, doesn't take it well, then he will just have to learn to deal with it. No disrespect, sir, but if he thinks he can just shirk his responsibilities as an uncle then he is mistaken. Harru is going to need a guardian, since Harry told me he isn't welcome at their home anymore, and Sirius is on the run still. Professor Lupin here, would make a brilliant guardian, but wouldn't a blood relative be more agreeable?'  
  
Hermione stopped as she realised that her voice had risen shrilly, and that she was still standing outside in the corridor with the gargoyle watching avidly (he hadn't had this much fun in about a century) and that she was lecturing her Headmaster in a subject that she knew next to nothing about, whilst he had had 15 years to consider the implications of the relationship.  
  
So Hermione did, what any normal, brilliant, embarrassed 15 year old witch would do. She stuck her tongue out at her stunned professors, said 'So there!' before running of mortified. (A/N I realise this is OOC, but it was getting too intense for my liking, sorry.)  
  
Dumbledore chucked quietly. 'Isn't it amazing how the younger generation can voice what you have been unwilling to face for years so eloquently.'  
  
He swept down the corridor, leaving a bemused DADA teacher in his wake.  
  
  
  
Ok, I realise this is short, but I am once again stuck. ( Poor nessy. Well I am awaiting ideas for a way to end this story. Please email me with any suggestions, no matter how ludicrous they may sound. If I don't use them I will still be extremely grateful. Hmmmmm, I actually don't think it is quite right to ask reviewers for help writing my story. Is it cheating???? Ah well, shit happens.  
  
BTW I have just remembered: REVIEWS. I have a bone to pick with all you people out there. At this present time I have 21 reviews. I received 14 for my first few chapters, but now they seem to have dried up. I refuse to post anymore until I receive at least 6 more. Flames are absolutely welcome. Just review damn you. (I know I'm being greedy but I feel like no-one likes my work. I feel insignificant and lost. I am deslolate. I want to bring joy to the world but I get no response. Am I bringing joy or do I make your lives worse? Sniff sniff. [teeheehee emotional blackmail]). Also, if you are kind enough to make me feel like I have a purpose for living then please don't write things like 'It was good. Please write more.' I wanna know what was good. The whole thing can't have been good. What were the likable features and what were the parts that just sucked. And just one more thing before I finish my tirade: I'm not sure about the whole Uncle Sevvie routine. It seems too clichéd, too good to be true, too fucking corny to put it bluntly. What do you wonderful people think?  
  
Ok, I just realised how fucking bossy I just sounded, so if you take the above paragraph and soften the words and twist it to make it sound less imperative, then hopefully I will not have turned you off reviewing all together.  
  
Very tired now, so I'm gonna go to bed and dream sweet dreams of all those lovely (or not so lovely) reviews I will be receiving. ( yeah that was a not so subtle hint)  
  
Good night 


	19. Chapter Sixteen

A/N this is my HUNDRETH page. OMG One hundred pages. Oh and I just checked my email. You, lovely, lovely people. 11 new reviews in 2 days. Teeheehee.  
  
Chapter 16  
  
Severus Snape strode through the passages in his dungeons. Snapping at every person, who wasn't a beloved Slytherin, as he walked his mind was turning over a brief conversation he had just had with the headmaster, who had popped his head through the fire for a chat.  
  
Chat.  
  
That was hardly what Snape would call it. He wasn't sure what it was that had triggered this uneasiness. The headmaster hadn't sounded sinister. He had just sounded like his usual benevolent self. But something just didn't feel right.  
  
Severus, I think we need to have a little chat. It concerns Mr Potter and I really believe that it would be to every persons benefit if you would come and discuss his. future. Would you like to dine with me tonight, at say 8pm? Thank you.  
  
'Acid Pops!' he snarled at the gargoyle.  
  
Was it him, or was the gargoyle grinning at him in quite a disconcerting way?  
  
*Snap out of it Severus. You're just being paranoid. All those years of Death Eating are finally taking their toll on you. Calm down man.*  
  
He raised his hand to knock, but as usual Dumbledore was one step ahead, calling for him to come in before he had curled his hand into a fist.  
  
Snape growled in his head. If he wasn't so severely indebted to the headmaster and the benefit of so much of his compassion and if he wasn't so damn.lets face it, who was he trying to kid? He would never leave the service of Albus Dumbledore nso matter how much of a know- it- all and how bloody interfering he was.  
  
But the 'call to enter before having a chance to knock' episode did nothing to reassure the greasy Hhead of Slytherin. It simply made him more wary.  
  
'Ah, Severus. It's good of you to donate some of your precious time to the eccentric old headmaster.'  
  
'Not at all.' Severus replied through a jaw that had gone inexplicably tense.  
  
'Now, I know I beat about the bush a fair bit, Severus, and I know that I go off on a tangent at the most inopportune moments, which reminds me, I never did get around to telling that joke about the troll, hag and leprechaun that walk into the bar. The one I meant to tell the Weasley Twins at the welcoming feast at the beginning of last year, when I was announcing the tri-wizard tournament, but oh dear, I am digressing am I not. You see, when one reaches a certain age and learning becomes slightly more difficult, then one's attention is turned to all the things that one learnt when one was young and all these forgotten, beautiful memories that had vacated those grey cells.'  
  
Snape shifted in his seat and tried not to assume his most condescending glare, the one that he usually reserved for Miss Granger.  
  
Dumbledore noticed and came to an abrupt halt in the middle of his dialogue. 'Yes, perhaps some other time.'  
  
'Thank you headmaster.'  
  
'Very well, Severus, I'll come straight to the point. I am positive that you are aware, although you may have tried to blank it from your memory, of your relationship with James Potters sister, Drulisa.'  
  
'Of course I am aware headmaster.' Snape's shoulders visibly tensed and his hands started shaking. *Why was he bringing that up now? It has no baring on any topi.wait, "Mr Potters future". NO, there was no way. No that couldn't be it. It mustn't be it. Oh Merlin, no. Nonononononono!*  
  
'NO.'  
  
'No? But I thought you said you were aware?'  
  
'No, sorry Albus, I do remember, how could I not. But.. you can't mean. please Sir, I am imploring, no, I am begging you. Not that, please. You can't mean that. It was's 15 years ago. No-one knows. You can't just dump him on me. He still has other living relatives. That mutt, Black. The bloody werewolf even, but no sir, not me. Think how the boy will take the news. We have always disliked each other and then finding out. No it's impossible. I refuse to. even contemplate the possibility of even considering.'  
  
Snape's face was rapidly changing colours. Dumbledore watched in interest as it turned from red to purple, then to a greenish colour before becoming mottled red and purple and finally resting on white.  
  
*Hmmmm, I will place that memory in my pensive to observe at a more opportune moment. Perhaps I will invite a few guests around for tea, whilst we watch 'Severus and his Technicolour Nightmare Face'. I do like that name although it is slightly plagiaristic, but the Mmuggles shouldn't mind and Minerva and Remus will find it most amusing. Sirius might even like to stroll by, although dogs are colour-blind so he would have to be in human form, which rules out many of the other staff members. Oh bother, that rules out a large party.*  
  
He was dragged from his happy contemplations as his Potions professor slumped to the floor in a comatose manner.  
  
'Ah, he did always go for the dramatics. Enervate.'  
  
'Wha, what. Oh for Merlin's sake. I am beginning to see what Potter meant about wanting to stay dead. It seems to be much more peaceful when you don't realise what is happening around you.'  
  
'Be that as it may, Severus, I assume from your reaction that you aren't exceptionally keen about the idea of taking Mr Potter as your ward.'  
  
'Aurgh. Don't even mention those words in the same sentence. I couldn't possibly do that, Albus. I hate the boy. He hates me. I can't go around Death Eating with him in my care. It would completely blow my cover, not to mention putting him in unnecessary danger. Besides, I don't know the first thing about bringing up teenagers. I can't do this, and I wont.'  
  
'Severus, you are acting like a small child who doesn't want to take a bath. Think about Harry. He has nowhere to live anymore. He simply cannot live with his uncle and cousin. Sirius is still on the run and the law doesn't allow werewolves to act as guardians for other species unless they are their own offspring. I am working on changing that law by the way.  
  
The Death Eating is no problem as I have spoken with Harry about his dream and you will not be returning to Voldemort as he will undoubtedly kill you. I have someone else in mind as your replacement and you can train him yourself. But I am once again digressing. Severus, please, the child needs a home. Will you give it to him?'  
  
  
  
Muuhaaaahaaaa. A lovely big cliffie for you. Well, it's probably obvious what will happen but I can pretend.  
  
For the next 1 or 2 chapters I will not be continuing along this story line. I think I have left to many things unresolved earlier so I am going to do a Draco POV. If there is anything that you feel needs clarifying then email me or review or whatever. I'll try and incorporate it into the story or I will write it into a set of accompanying authors notes.  
  
Ciao  
  
Mmm ... I liked that chapter. That's pretty much the way I would think Snape to react. At first flat out refusing and then probably agreeing only to shut Dumbledore up? ( I liked the way you described Dumbledore with his wandering thoughts and stuff. One Question though: You described Snape as the "greasy Head of Slytherin" what does the state of his hair matter? In that context it doesn't really make sense and as it is written from Severus' POV and I don't suppose he thinks of himself as greasy it's quite unlocical. But otherwise really promising! Okay, see ya!  
  
-Sabrina 


	20. Authors note 3

Hello my wonderful readers. This is just a quick note to say the next to chapters are written, but they are with my beta at the moment so I'll get them to you asap. I'm still kinda stuck but I the plot is coming together in my head.  
  
I have written a short songfic called Always In My Heart, if anyone is interested in reading it.  
  
Thanx heaps for your wonderful reviews.  
  
-ness 


	21. Interlude 1 Draco POV

Interlude  
  
Draco's POV  
  
My name is Draco Malfoy. I am the youngest in one of the longest pure-blood wizarding family lines ever recorded. I am the heir to the Malfoy fortune.  
  
I am the son of Lucius Malfoy.  
  
That statement sums up the point of my existence. It carries more weight than the previous statements plus more all rolled into one.  
  
It is a title. It earns me fear and respect wherever I go.  
  
Respect from the blind fools at the ministry, such as our esteemed Minister for Magic, Cornelius Fudge who believe that our family is simply an old, pure-blooded, rich family who donate some of our family fortune to excellent causes such a St. Mungos.  
  
And Fear.  
  
Fear from those who know what we really are. Those who know what extremes we have gone to to prevent our blood from becoming tainted with mud-blood. Those who know exactly what 'extra curricular activities' we have utilized to prevent our money from depleting over the years like those Muggle loving fools of the Weasley family did. Those who know that St. Mungos would hardly need any of the funds that we donate to it if it weren't full of people whose magical maladies were directly or indirectly elicited by our family.  
  
Being the son of Lucius Malfoy, as well as all the perks, means that I have many obligations and responsibilities as heir to the Malfoy estate. If I fail in any of these I am severely punished. I don't mind though. It is molding me into a better person, a better Malfoy.  
  
My father doesn't like to hurt me and he doesn't do it very often, and despite what some may say, I am not ill treated by him. He respects me and I respect him. He cares for me in a way that, whilst being loving and gentle, disciplines me and I respect him for that. Just as he respects me for admitting what I have done wrong and accepting my punishment like a man. Like a Malfoy.  
  
Oh, I have a point, I promise you.  
  
This is the reason that when my father asks me to do something like befriend Harry Potter at all costs, he means it. I tried.  
  
Looking back, I guess that insulting his first real wizarding friend wasn't the best way to go about befriending him, and so I failed. I failed the first crucial task that father had ever given me, and it hurt.  
  
It hurt more than the mild Cruciatus that I was placed under the next holidays. I knew that I had failed my father and that it would take a long time before he would ever trust me again.  
  
It took five years for me to regain that trust.  
  
Five miserable years and then what he asked me to do, made him repulsive in my eyes. My own father. The man I had loved and respected since long before I can remember. The first thing that I knew I could do right for him and I couldn't do it.  
  
I couldn't become a Death Eater. The one reason that my father had married my mother was to produce an heir. That heir would be first in line for the succession of the Dark Lord. The only bloody reason that I walked on this earth was to do this one duty and I quite simply couldn't.  
  
I had first had my doubts at the end of the Third task when they brought Diggory's body back. I had assumed that he had come off worst in a duel, but my father gleefully informed me that he hadn't had a clue what was happening. It was by a mere fluke that he had touched the port key at the same time as Potter. He had barely got his wand out before he was lying on the ground at Potter's feet. He hadn't known a thing.  
  
This disgusted me. I didn't mind Muggles being killed, and even Mud-bloods if I was in a bad mood, but this was a fully grown, nearly completely trained pure-blooded wizard.  
  
This planted a seed of doubt in my mind and from then on, whenever something to do with the Dark Lord or dark arts occurred, I always stopped to think of its implications before simply agreeing with my father.  
  
Although my views on my family and destiny were changing, my feelings for Potter hadn't. I hated him with a passion. I had hated him since he had refused to shake my hand on the train the second time I met him. My hate was also fueled by my father.  
  
For this reason I continued to torment him until the end of the school year. That, and the fact that exchanging insults with Potter had become like second nature to me. It had become a habit with us, it came to the point where I felt like something important had been left out of my day if we didn't have a fight. It came to the point where I was on 'autopilot' (what strange expressions Muggles use). The scowl automatically slipped on when I saw him and my mouth hurled insults at him whilst my mind could be engaged on a much more pleasing topic.  
  
When we returned to school it was obvious that something was wrong with Potter. It wasn't immediately obvious to his friends but to me, who had spent many long hours studying his actions for my father and myself, it was plain.  
  
Something was eating away at him. Admittedly, he had a smile on his lips much of the time, but it looked very stiff. As if he had schooled himself to keep it there. His eyes were sorrowful. That was in the rare flashes when his mask slipped. When his mask was up, his eyes were devoid of emotion. They were empty. Like a corpse. They gave me the shivers as I realised that they reminded me of the eyes of the people that I had met who had suffered the Dementors Kiss. (I had visited the area of St Mungos where they were kept for what my father referred to as a character building exercise).  
  
Potter was scaring me. He was withdrawing inside himself. The barriers that he had raised around himself were growing higher and thicker every day. His 'friends' didn't seem to notice it though. They noticed the physical signs of growing thinner and the dark circles beneath his eyes but they hadn't been schooled in the psychological area as I had.  
  
My father had thought it good to know how far you could bend a person before they snapped and if I was going to make a living by breaking people then I would definitely need to recognise the signs.  
  
My father was also the reason that Potter laid dead for a month. Alright, I don't really think that I can blame it all on him, but if he had only taught me how to help people instead of just how to break them then maybe I could have done something instead of standing in the shadows helplessly. As it was, I had no idea how to help Potter before he sunk too low for anyone to reach him.  
  
He was nearly there as it was. His friends had realised to late that there was a problem. I don't know what happened. He seemed to be getting better, then one day he turned up to breakfast after being missing for the whole previous day looking worse than I had ever seen him. I knew then, that he was almost completely lost. He had refused to let his friends in. He had told them to fuck off in front of the entire school.  
  
I was scared for him. I still didn't like him, but my hate had diminished. Also, he was, apparently, the only hope that the wizarding world had against the Dark Lord which meant that he was my only hope of help as well.  
  
So I tried to snap him out of it. I only succeeded in snapping him in half. My father would have been proud. How was I to know that his aunt had killed herself? How was I to know that it was guilt that rested upon his shoulders. The only thing I knew, when I saw the scars and slashes on his arms was that he was lost.  
  
Then his stupid friends stand around talking after he ran out. Gee, I thought the Mud-blood was supposed to be brilliant. Then that fucker Snape held us up when we tried to chase him.  
  
Dammit, but I felt responsible. I followed them to see if he was okay. I knew in the pit of my stomach that he wasn't. When I saw the back of Snape's body tense as he walked through the door and the tone he used when he told us to keep Granger outside I knew.  
  
I tried to stop her but I couldn't. I followed her and the Weasel inside the room. I cannot explain what I felt at that time. The sickness, the anger, the sorrow and above all the guilt. I learnt the hard way, that day, how Potter felt, what it was that had broken him.  
  
Granger had fainted and started coming around as the headmaster walked in. I knew that I had no right to be there but I wanted to help. Somehow I wanted to make up for what I had done. I lifted Hermione and carried her from the room, after looking sadly at Weasley who was retching in the corner. I couldn't look at Him again.  
  
I vowed as I left the room that I would do anything and everything in my power to help Him.  
  
Of course I was banking on him being alive. 


	22. Interlude 1 cont

Interlude 1 (cont)  
  
I didn't want to believe it but in my heart I had known from the minute I saw him lying there.  
  
And it was all my fault.  
  
I was the one who had been playing him out about his Muggle relatives. I was the one who scared him off when I saw his wrists.  
  
The guilt felt so bad I could hardly breathe. I guessed what I felt was close to what Potter had felt every day since the 3rd task.  
  
But he is - was, Harry Potter and I am Draco Malfoy so the way that we dealt with it was extremely different.  
  
I am Malfoy and Malfoys don't show weakness so I had to find another way to cope with what I had done.  
  
I had two choices, I could remain the haughty and aloof person that my father had trained me to be or I could be human.  
  
My father's way was extremely tempting. It helped to discard the responsibility. It was the easy way out. It was also a step closer to becoming what my father wanted me to be.  
  
So I chose to try and fix what I had done. I became friends with the Weasel. It was a traumatic experience, but as I grew to know him I realised that he was a good, fun person to be around. I think that if I had tried to befriend him any other time I wouldn't have had a hope in the world, but he was grieving. I offered him the support that the Mudbl- Hermione couldn't give to him.  
  
Not that she could have offered anyone support in her condition. She had a breakdown. I have never seen anyone completely fold the way she did. Her whole personality changed and no-one was able to help her.  
  
At Weasley's request I sat with her and read to her when he couldn't be there. I don't know why- she didn't hear a word.  
  
As well as trying to help them, I also gave myself the task of trying to bring some sanity back into my godfathers life.  
  
Yes, Snape is my godfather.  
  
His behaviour was so bizarre in those next few weeks. I tried to talk to him, reason with him, but he wouldn't even speak to me. I banged on the door to his dungeons for hours, but he ignored me.  
  
When he asked for the blood of every Potter lover in the school I thought he had lost it.  
  
Now that I know why he wanted it I am convinced he has lost it.  
  
He brought his most hated student back from the dead! And what makes it even harder to believe is that he didn't want any credit for his work.  
  
Even now, as Potter is getting better, he acts strangely. He goes off into little worlds of his own. He jumps every time the word 'family' is mentioned. He sits by Potter's bed while he sleeps for Merlin's sake!  
  
I saw him going to Dumbledore's office today. I have never seen him so scared. Well, I have never seen him scared at all, but he looked terrified.  
  
Terrified and horrified. Apprehensive and angry. I don't know what is happening. All I know is that it can't be good. 


	23. Chapter Seventeen

Chapter 17  
  
Snape stared at the headmaster, defeat growing on his face.  
  
'I would only have to take him in the summer holidays?'  
  
Dumbledore nodded, trying to conceal a small grin in his beard.  
  
'Very well, but only if you don't tell him my true relationships with him. Tell him that you have appointed me as his guardian.'  
  
'As you wish, Severus. I must tell you, that Harry is becoming interested in his family history, so I suggest a trip to the library would be in order. Find all the books that contain Potter and Snape records and do with them as you see fit. However, he will have to know one day, and sooner rather than later is recommended.'  
  
'Are you sure that this is absolutely necessary?'  
  
'Severus.' Dumbledore's voice brooked a warning tone.  
  
'I'm sorry, Headmaster. Of course it's worth it.'  
  
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\  
  
At the end of the week Harry was allowed out of the infirmary on the condition that he returned every night for a check up.  
  
'But Madam Pomfrey,' Harry whined.  
  
'Yes, Potter, and as well as that, you will be visiting Professor Snape three times a week for counselling - or as many times as he sees fit.'  
  
Harry's face turned red with anger. 'I do not need a nosy Professor, poking his nose in where it doesn't belong. This is my business and I will not be discussing it with him, or anyone else for that matter.'  
  
'Well then, Mr. Potter, it is going to be very boring for you in those sessions which you WILL attend, or I shall drag you straight back here again.'  
  
Harry sent a withering glare her way before stomping out of the room.  
  
As he swept through the corridors, people all around him stopped and stared. Pointing fingers followed him and whispering voices surrounded him as he fought to keep control of himself.  
  
Eventually, when it had come to the point where a growing group of people was following him through the halls, he lost his temper.  
  
'What the hell is wrong with you people? As much as I have just loved being your local attraction for the past five years, this is just going too far. You have all seen me before on many occasions and I fail to see what could be so interesting now. ... Ohhhhhh. I know what it is. You people have a fixation with scars. Five years you have been staring at my head and now that the novelty has worn off you want different scars to stare at. Well fine. Here are my bloody scars. Are they to your satisfaction? Do they live up to your expectations? Well it seems obvious that I haven't, so I'm glad that you at least have one part of me that hasn't let you down. Now if you will excuse me I have some friends to find, who don't just follow me around because I am disfigured, they actually give a fuck what happens to me. And if you morons can't see.if you morons can't. can't see that.then.'  
  
After being dead or unconscious for most of the past two months, and having barely moved at all since then, Harry was extremely weak, and the ranting had used up all of his energy. He sank to the floor unconscious, unheeding the girls screaming around him.  
  
While Harry had been yelling Draco Malfoy had walked around the corner, and seeing the crowd the Slytherin in him took over and he pushed his way forward hoping to see a fight.  
  
What he did see however was a yelling Harry Potter, wavering unsteadily on his feet, face draining of the little colour left and then collapsing to the floor. Realisation swept over him as he forced his way through the crowd.  
  
He ran to Harry and checked his vital signs, all the while snarling at the rapidly dispersing crowd.  
  
'You fools, Dumbledore told you to leave him alone, what the fuck did you think you were doing? Well, don't just run away. One of you fuckers go find the nearest teacher.'  
  
As a young Hufflepuff ran to find a teacher, Draco took off his cloak and covered Harry with it. He waited for five minutes or so, realising that since it was still class time that it might take a while to find a free teacher.  
  
As Harry didn't seem to want to wake up any time soon, Draco took out his wand and began to levitate him down the hall.  
  
'Mr Malfoy! What is going on?'  
  
'Professor Snape,' gasped Draco in relief. 'The idiots were following him and he lost his temper, he was yelling at them and then he just collapsed.'  
  
'I see.' Snape rapidly checked him over before pronouncing a verdict. 'He's simply exhausted. He should never have left the infirmary on his own. Stupid foolish boy. See if you can find Miss Granger or Mr Weasley and get them to take him to his dorm.'  
  
'I know the password to the Gryffindor Tower, sir. I'll take him myself.'  
  
Snape raised an eyebrow at this confession, but didn't comment.  
  
Draco was halfway down the corridor with Harry under an invisibility charm, when he came upon Ron, Hermione and Seamus.  
  
'Draco, Snape told us to look for you. He said it had something to do with Harry.'  
  
'Yeah, Pomfrey let him out but people kept following him on the way back and he started yelling at them. He collapsed just as I came around the corner.'  
  
'Well,' said Seamus impatiently. 'Where is he n-oof.'  
  
Seamus stopped suddenly as he bumped into something that wasn't there.  
  
'What the fuck?'  
  
'You just walked into him. Snape told me to levitate him to Gryffindor and I couldn't very well just walk with him unconscious and floating above my head now could I?'  
  
Hermione nodded.  
  
'Well hurry up and get him back.'  
  
They ran to Gryffindor Tower.  
  
'Equilibrium,' panted Ron as they hauled themselves through the portrait hole.  
  
After they had placed Harry in bed and Hermione muttered 'Enervate,' he sat up.  
  
'Oh, dammit. I fainted, didn't I?'  
  
'Harry, what were you doing, leaving the infirmary by yourself, let alone using up all your energy yelling at those people?'  
  
Harry flinched at Hermione's stern tone.  
  
'I'm sorry, Mione. I had to leave. Pomfrey was pissing me off. I have to go for a check up every night before I go to bed and then I have to see Snape three times a week for bloody counselling. Those fuckwits just kept pointing and whispering. I tried to ignore them, but when I turned around there was a whole group following me and I just lost my temper.'  
  
'Well, it was a very stupid thing to do, Harry, but under the circumstances I guess we all would have done the same. Well, it's Friday, so you have all weekend to recover before going back to classes. The teachers have told me to ask you whether you would mind me coaching you, so that you can catch up for the OWLs. The holidays are in two weeks so I'll stay behind, if that's fine with you?'  
  
Harry nodded timidly and before he could say anything else he had fallen asleep. 


	24. Chapter Eighteen

Chapter 18  
  
The end of term had come and gone and it was nearing the end of the holidays. Harry had nearly successfully caught up with his two months of missing work, thanks to extra tutoring by both his Professors and Hermione.  
  
His visits to Madam Pomfrey had diminished to once a week, but his visits to Snape had become almost daily.  
  
He would walk into Snape's office and simply ignore him for an hour before getting up and walking out without saying goodbye.  
  
He was still cutting, but no where near as often and he was cutting his upper leg, where it was less dangerous, but more importantly (in Harry's view anyway) no one could find it.  
  
His friends still knew that he was cutting himself and they made their reports to Dumbledore and Snape but if anyone ever mentioned it, the shutters would come down and he would close up.  
  
He had rejoined the Quidditch team and although he hadn't been allowed to play for the first match of the season, he hadn't missed the Snitch yet. As long as the Gryffindor team had no major set backs, they were nearly sure of winning the Quidditch Cup for a second year running.  
  
Harry's scar was hurting so frequently that it had become a regular part of him and he began to forget what it had felt like without a headache. As much as this worried him, the fact that there had been absolutely no movement from Voldemort terrified him. As long as Voldemort didn't do anything, the ministry still refused to acknowledge that he had returned and because of the pain in his scar Harry was positive that he was planning something big.  
  
The second last day of the holidays, when Harry, Ron and Draco were trying to teach Hermione how to fly, Hedwig swooped down, landing on Harry's Firebolt with a letter.  
  
The only problem with this was that Hermione was also sitting on the broom with Harry and the flutter of white startled her and she jumped, sending the two of them crashing into a tree before slipping and sliding down the branches to land with a thump at the bottom.  
  
After dusting themselves off and Hermione magically healing their scratches, Harry turned to the letter. It was from Dumbledore.  
  
Dear Mr Potter, Firstly congratulations on your fine efforts in catching up your missed work. All your teachers are extremely pleased with your progress, including your Potions Master (which is a pleasant if unexpected surprise) Please convey my sincere thanks to Miss Granger who has been helping, as well.  
  
Well Harry, now I come to the point of this little note. Would you, Messers Weasley and Malfoy as well as the aforesaid Miss Granger do me the courtesy of attending a private supper with me in my office at eight o'clock tonight? Please do not be alarmed; you are not in any trouble.  
  
Sincerely, Albus Dumbledore.  
  
'Supper with Dumbledore?' screeched Hermione.  
  
The boys put their hands over their ears blocking out her continued screaming.  
  
'Calm down Mione,' said Ron. 'He said that we aren't in trouble.'  
  
'Were you even listening to me? I don't know what to wear.'  
  
She stormed back up to the castle, leaving three boys staring open mouthed at one another.  
  
Harry finally found his voice. 'Was that Hermione worrying about what to wear?'  
  
Ron and Draco just stared. 


	25. Authors note very important, clears up s...

Hey all my beautiful readers. This note in mainly to clear up a few points that me beta reader Sabrina were unclear.  
  
Firstly, why Snape doesn't want Harry to know about their true relationship.  
  
Basically, Snape has been trying to forget about Drulisa and Sean for 20 years and if Harry finds out then he will ask lots of questions which will drag Snape back through all the emotional turmoil that he has been trying to escape. He also doesn't want to become the butt of everyones gossip.  
  
Secondly (this isn't as important as the first) is why there were so many people in the corridors.  
  
Well, because there is only one professor for each subject, not all classes can be held at once, so some people will be out of class. The other fifth years were in Divination (there is a new teacher) except for Hermione who was in Arithmancy and Draco had a free period. Snape was out because it was also his free period and he was on his way to the dungeons to prepare his next lesson.  
  
I have started to write a new fic (none of it is posted yet) about the HP characters going to see the movie made about them (clichéd I know, but so is this and I can see huge potential for it) so it may take a little linger than usual to get chapters posted (or it may not), but I have no intention of stopping this fic.  
  
Oh, before I forget, I have been asked if Harry will be in a relationship with anyone. Well, I do have plans for him to be with someone, but I hate the usual ships and im looking for someone different. I think I know who, and it's a little unusual and I haven't read a fic with this pairing before (but im sure they exist) but I would appreciate feedback as to who I should use. Not slash, but, sorry all u fans out there. I don't have a problem with it, but I don't think it would fit in with this fic. Harry wont start liking this person until the sequel because he is going through to many issues at the moment and because the main storyline that I had planned for the sequel has decided that it wants to be in this story instead (and will begin in chapter 19). It will still be a main feature in the sequel, but many of the chapters will end up in this fic and I'll need something new to write about.  
  
Well, that's it from me, have a happy xmas and I'll talk to u all lata (heeheehee I just realised how much that sounded like a newsreader at the end of a report)  
  
Oh, please REVIEW to tell me who u think that Harry should be with because my inbox is really full at the moment and its taking a while to sort through  
  
-Ness 


	26. Chapter Nineteen

Chapter 19  
  
At ten to eight that evening three boys and a girl stood uneasily in front of a stone gargoyle.  
  
At five to eight the boy with platinum coloured hair spoke, his aristocratic voice blending in perfectly with the somewhat gothic surroundings.  
  
'Well, I s'pose it was just to damn hard for him to give us the fucking password.'  
  
'Stop stressing, Draco, he'll let us in when ready. Why are you so worried? It's only Dumbledore.'  
  
'It's alright for you to say that, Grang.Hermione, you are never called in here except to be praised through the skies for some heroic deed. When I come here I am in trouble. You are a muggleborn, a race of slightly inferior people whom the old fool loves. I am the son of Voldemort's right hand man.'  
  
Ron frowned slightly at Harry, and then raised his eyebrows as if to say 'why is he worried about that?'  
  
'Draco? Why are you bringing this up now?'  
  
'Harry, you, Ron and Hermione are the Eternal Trio. You don't understand what hard decisions are. You fly through your lives, having fun, taking risks and you have the conviction that no matter what happens to you, you were fighting for the "light". You have never seriously considered any other way of life. You have the luck of not having to decide between what you have been brought up with and what's right. Other people however, have to make those decisions, some are tougher to make than others.' Draco seemed to be off in his own dream world now.  
  
'.I thought there were a few safe weeks left for me, but I think that this is it. I have to choose.'  
  
'Draco?'  
  
At that moment a voice sounded behind the group and Dumbledore stepped out from the shadows. 'Well Mr Malfoy, you are quite intuitive. I didn't think it was that obvious. You know about the order? Very well, well don't worry now. Lets go upstairs and have supper before we get down to business.'  
  
Draco nodded dumbly as he and three equally confused teenagers followed the headmaster upstairs.  
  
  
  
  
  
While the four were finishing their meal, Dumbledore surveyed them through keen eyes.  
  
Hermione, to his left, was dabbing her mouth lightly with a napkin. Her superior, know-it-all expression, that had become a permanent display, during her 2nd and 3rd year had been replaced by a happy and eager young girl, who was slowly growing up and maturing in her looks and behaviour.  
  
Ron, was still tall, awkward and gangling, but he too had a more mature outlook on life. Eyes that had once looked upon every person with barely concealed envy, were more satisfied and teachers had commented about his change in priorities, since the beginning of the previous year. He put more value in relationships than material possessions. Dumbledore supposed that after having nearly lost his best friend two years in a row was the cause of this.  
  
He turned his eyes to Harry. The tiny, scared boy, whom he had seen at the age of ten, when he started his education at Hogwarts; had grown. But he had not grown in a way Dumbledore had hoped. His face was a mask nearly all the time. Although he smiled at something that Ron had muttered to him, his eyes were old and dominated by anguish and guilt. How Dumbledore longed for the naïve 11 year old that he had observed 4 years ago.  
  
Naïve. There was one word that could never describe Draco Malfoy. He had also been one of Dumbledore's constant studies. The aged eyes of Harry were nothing compared to Draco's, although they had aged differently. Draco had had the eyes of an adult when Dumbledore had first met him at age six. His eyes, unlike Harry's, were aged with knowledge and cynicism. Now, as Dumbledore looked at him, he appeared to the casual glance, aloof and in control but to the four around the table he seemed troubled. His hands trembled slightly and knocked over the glass next to him as he felt Dumbledore's gaze upon him.  
  
'Just get on with it will you.'  
  
Harry, Ron and Hermione simultaneously jumped as Draco uttered his first words of the whole evening. They were still confused as to what was going on, especially now that Draco had said that, even though his tone suggested he would rather face an Hungarian Horntail, wandless, than stay in the room a second longer.  
  
'Very well Mr Malfoy. I assume the rest of you have been wondering why I invited you here. Well, I have a proposition for you.'  
  
The other three teenagers eyebrows raised but they didn't say anything.  
  
'First of all, however, I would like to give you a small History lesson. Who of you here has heard about Grindelwald?' He nodded as all four students raised their hands. 'Very well, and what do you know of his defeat?'  
  
Ron spoke 'Ummm, you killed him.'  
  
'That, Mr Weasley, is what most people would say if I asked them. However, it was a great deal more than just me. I was the leader of a large group of witches and wizards who worked together to defeat Grindelwald. This faction has existed since before the founders themselves. Merlin, himself was the first leader of this group. Does anyone know of what I am speaking?'  
  
Hermione raised her hand shyly 'The Order of the Phoenix?'  
  
'Exactly. Now, the members of the Order are known only by the other members and it is forbidden to mention their business to outsiders. Well, the last time the Order was called together was in the last rein of Voldemort. Now that he has risen and the Ministry refuses to acknowledge it, we have had to try and deal with it by ourselves but we have greatly decreased in number. Many, many of the people killed in the last war were members of the Order. I have the task of finding as many new members as possible in the shortest amount of time. Students are not usually invited, as they are inexperienced but you, Harry, Hermione and Ron have much more experience than our average students and Draco has much more inside knowledge of the dark arts than all our students.'  
  
Harry lifted his eyes to meet the Professors. 'Are you saying what I think you are saying, sir?'  
  
'I believe so. You four, will probably have the honour of being the first students asked to join The Order of the Phoenix. But there are some obstacles which should first be overcome.'  
  
'Me.'  
  
'Unfortunately, yes, Mr Malfoy. I know you thought you had a while longer, but I have to ask you now which side you will fight for if it comes down to battle. This meeting is confidential and if you so desire, I can ask Mr Potter, Mr Weasley and Miss Granger to wait outside while we discuss this.'  
  
'No, its fine. I.I have made my decision. I have always known what was expected of me by my father, one of my first memories of him is when he told me why I had been born. I am supposed to be the heir of Voldemort. I grew up with that knowledge, and I never considered any other possibility until I came here. I am not going to explain the reasoning, nor the logic behind my fathers and my decisions. All that I will say is that I totally renounce the Dark Lord as my master and I will never follow him.'  
  
Harry, Ron and Hermione stared open mouthed at Draco while Dumbledore twinkled proudly.  
  
'Thank-you, Mr Malfoy. You words are encouraging, to say the least.'  
  
At that moment Fawkes flew through the door.  
  
Dumbledore turned to the teenagers in front of him. 'The Order of the Phoenix is named because it is a Phoenix that tests the loyalty of each candidate. He will sit on each of your shoulders and if he believes that you should be admitted then he will shed a feather. If he, however does not believe that you are worthy then he will simply fly off without shedding a feather. If this happens then your memory will be wiped of this meeting and nothing more will be said.'  
  
When he finished Fawkes flew and landed on Harry's shoulder, immediately shedding a feather. He repeated this action with the other three.  
  
Dumbledore smiled broadly. 'Welcome to the Order of the Phoenix. As it happens there is a meeting tonight and you all are just in time. Oh Harry, may I speak to you after the meeting has concluded?' Harry nodded as Fawkes flew to a cupboard at the side of the room, let out one quavering note and a room opened up behind it.  
  
Hermione and Ron entered the room first and were followed by Draco. Dumbledore walked in after them, leaving Harry to bring up the rear.  
  
As he entered he looked around the room. The stone walls were covered with thick luxurious tapestries and the floor had, instead of cold stone, oak floor boards. Red and gold drapes fell from the ceiling which was illuminated by tiny lights, representing the stars. Three rows of benches surrounded two thirds of the room and at the front, next to the door, was a magical image projector and a large pulpit where Dumbledore was standing behind a desk, covered in scrolls.  
  
Harry bent to hear Draco as he whispered 'Typical Dumbledore, he would do the place up in Gryffindor colours.'  
  
Harry stifled a chuckle as he and Draco joined Ron and Hermione at the front of the room.  
  
They stood awkwardly as Dumbledore motioned them to stay where they were. He turned back to arranging the scrolls and parchments on his desk.  
  
Harry turned his gaze to the people sitting on the benches who were staring interestedly at the foursome.  
  
His eyes flew over Professors McGonagall, Flitwick and Madam Pomfrey. His eyes stopped briefly as they met Snape's and then continued across the room. Remus Lupin was sitting next to Sirius and they both waved enthusiastically. Ten or so people that Harry didn't recognise were sitting in clumps or off by themselves. He heard Ron's amazed gasp and followed his gaze to see Arthur, Molly, Bill and Charlie Weasley waving. Mrs Weasley looked disapproving and Harry guessed that she had protested violently against her youngest son and his friends being allowed to join the Order at such a young age. He smiled and turned his eyes to the person who was currently in conversation with Arthur Weasley and the smile died from his face and his mouth opened in astonishment.  
  
'Mrs Figg?'  
  
At the sound of her name she glanced up and looked at Harry's surprised face, smiling faintly. Her look turned to one of surprise as Harry glared at her before turning pointedly away.  
  
'Harry?'  
  
Harry turned to Hermione who recoiled at his face. He saw her fright and relaxed.  
  
'Sorry, Mione,'  
  
'What is it?'  
  
'Um, I know the woman talking to Mr Weasley, that's all.'  
  
'Hmmmmmmm.'  
  
Hermione looked as if she wanted to say something else but was silenced as Dumbledore motioned for quiet.  
  
Harry was aware that he was making some introduction and explaining Draco's presence but he hardly heard. His mind was whirling. He jumped when he felt Ron's hand on his shoulder. He looked up to see that the other two had sat down and that everyone was waiting for him.  
  
He moved forward, ignoring the hurt and surprised looks of his godfather and best friends as he sat in the corner by himself.  
  
He sat for the rest of the meeting listening avidly to Dumbledore and an Auror with a terrible haircut who was called Adam Francis. All the meeting seemed to be about were updates from different people about the current situation. Before he knew it, the meeting had ended and people were standing and engaging in conversations with their neighbours.  
  
He turned away when he saw Ron, Hermione and Draco walking towards him, he needed to think and didn't want to be stuck talking to them, and walked smack into Arabella Figg.  
  
'Harry?' her old voice was cracked as she looked at his furious face. 'What's wrong?'  
  
Harry faced her, a look of incredulity on his face.  
  
'Well, Mrs Figg what do you think? Are you that surprised that I am not overjoyed to learn you are a witch? Why do you think I'm not that happy? Well, lets see, you have known who I was my entire life and never said anything. You knew exactly how the Dursleys were treating me and yet you did nothing. You knew that Dudley and Vernon beat me and you just sat in that house with your pathetic cats and left me. How many years have you been living just across the road and watched me and my shitty life? How many times was I left at your house with an opportunity to tell me who I was? How many times did you just turn your back on the obvious? That is how may times you have betrayed me Mrs Figg. So, forgive me if I am not in raptures at seeing you again.'  
  
His voice had raised, unbidden and he turned to see the entire room staring at them. He slunk off into a corner and curled in a chair. He knew he had to wait and speak to Dumbledore after everyone had left otherwise he would have gone immediately.  
  
Harry sat for half an hour and when the noise level had died down a bit he glanced around the room. People were beginning to leave. He put his head back down on his knees and tensed as he felt a presence behind him.  
  
'Go away.'  
  
'Harry?' Sirius asked gently. 'What's wrong?'  
  
'Fine, if you won't, then I will.'  
  
Harry jumped to his feet and marched across the room. He looked for a secluded corner and moved towards it. He was about to sit when he saw that Snape was sitting directly where he himself had been planning on sitting. The corner was so dark that he hadn't seen the man.  
  
He turned to leave, but was startled when Snape spoke.  
  
'Don't mind me, Potter, you are quite welcome to join me as long as you have no intention of speaking.'  
  
Harry didn't reply, but sat next to him in silence. 


	27. Chapter Twenty

Chapter 20  
  
'What's wrong Potter?'  
  
'I thought you said we weren't going to talk.'  
  
'I said as long as you had no intention of speaking. I know you do not want to speak and I would like to know why.'  
  
'But that's still speaking.'  
  
'Yes, but as long as you didn't intend on speaking when you sat down, it doesn't matter that you answer my questions, when it is convenient for me to ask them. You will speak when I want you too, not when you want to.'  
  
Harry sat for a few moments thinking about that statement.  
  
'Your mind is really fucked up.'  
  
'Five points from Gryffindor, for coarse language.'  
  
'Sorry sir, but you cant do that. This isn't part of school time. This is an extra curricular activity, so points don't count.'  
  
'If I say five points from Gryffindor, then five points will be deducted from Gryffindor. You are still on school property and in school hours. And I thought you weren't going to talk unless I said you could.'  
  
Harry lapsed into a mutinous silence. He considered leaving, but he knew that this was as close as he was going to get to sitting by himself and not being bothered, so he stayed. He realised, with a grim smile, that being with Snape was the only way he would get away from other people because no one would risk going near Snape in a bad mood, and being around Harry Potter automatically put Snape in a bad mood.  
  
*I win by default*  
  
'Potter, you haven't answered my question.'  
  
Typical, even with Snape he still had to make some conversation.  
  
'What question?'  
  
'What's wrong?'  
  
'Nothing,'  
  
'Potter.'  
  
'Nothing.'  
  
'I am warning you, Potter.'  
  
'Oh, all right. Mrs Figg over there has lived up the road from me ever since I was a baby. She has always been my baby sitter and she knew how I was being treated at the Dursleys and she didn't tell me who I was, or do a fucking thing to help me.'  
  
'Arabella Figg?'  
  
'The very same, I dunno, maybe I'm being stupid. It just feels like she has betrayed me.'  
  
'I don't know the ins and outs of all this, Harry, but I wi- Ah, Albus'  
  
Harry looked up to see the room had emptied itself and that the headmaster was standing above them.  
  
'Harry, how are you? You seemed a little out of sorts earlier.'  
  
'Fine, sir,' replied Harry through gritted teeth. He took a long breath and arranged his face into his 'normality mask'.  
  
Dumbledore just looked at him, before leading them back into his office.  
  
'Now, Harry. I am sure that you are aware of the problem awaiting you at the end of this school year.'  
  
'You have no-one to dump me with.' Harry stated.  
  
'No, Harry. We didn't have any one to place you with, but I have found someone to take you in.'  
  
'Please, sir, tell me it isn't Mrs Figg.'  
  
Dumbledore looked at him searchingly before replying, 'it isn't Arabella Figg.'  
  
Harry breathed a sigh of relief and looked at Dumbledore expectantly. As long as it wasn't Mrs Figg, then it didn't matter. Anything would be bearable, as long as it wasn't her.  
  
Dumbledore looked hesitant and Harry wondered why. It couldn't be that bad, could it? No, Dumbledore wouldn't leave him with someone that he didn't fully trust and Harry liked all the people that Harry trusted. A thought struck him.  
  
'Is it Remus?'  
  
'No, Harry, his werewolf status still prevents him from caring for a child.'  
  
'Well, who is.'  
  
Harry was startled by a movement behind him, Why was Snape still here? Maybe he had to talk to Dumbledore after this. That was an odd look on his face. Sort of loathing and nervousness. Why would he look like that, and why wasn't he waiting outside, surely this was between only him, Dumbledore and whoever was going to be looking after.'  
  
'Fuck.'  
  
Ok, you're jumping to conclusions. Snape would never agree to take care of you. Granted he was nice when you were recovering, and he hadn't been an arse when he was tutoring you. Of course it wasn't him. He is thinking of some scary spy mission that he has to do for Dumbledore that is making him look that apprehensive.  
  
He's walking around to stand in front of you because he is going to ridicule you for thinking something so stupid.  
  
It's ok, just breathe. You're over reacting to nothing.  
  
Dumbledore is looking uneasy because you aren't breathing. Ok, maybe because you are breathing too much.  
  
Calm, calm. Snape isn't crouching down in front of you and saying something stupid about how he knows it is a shock, being basically adopted by your least favourite person, but he is sure that this is a problem that can be worked through.  
  
Ok, so now you are breathing way to fast. Dumbledore looks worried now. Fight the black spots taking over your vision. Fight the dizziness. It's not that bad. You've only got to live with him for the summer. Live with Snape.  
  
Fuck.  
  
*****************  
  
Snape and Dumbledore stood looking at the crumpled form of Harry Potter, unconscious at their feet.  
  
'Well,' said Dumbledore looking slightly shaken. 'I think we can say that that didn't go quite according to plan.'  
  
'Agreed.' 


	28. Chapter Twentyone

Chapter 21  
  
'Why the hell do we have to help Madam Pomfrey with an inventory in the holidays? Everyone is coming back tomorrow and probably spending their last day of holidays doing something fun, whereas, we are counting potion bottles and bandages.'  
  
'Ron, do stop complaining. If you shut up and hurry up, then we can be finished by lunch.'  
  
'Would you two please be quiet? Your bickering isn't going to help anyone go faster.'  
  
'Bickering, Malfoy? How dare you. Ron is the only one bickering here. I am simply stating that we will finish this much faster, if we stop talking and put our energy into finishing this.'  
  
'Hermione! It takes two to bicker, as you and Malfoy put it. So if I was bickering, you certainly were.'  
  
'I was not.'  
  
'Was too.'  
  
'Was not.'  
  
'Was too.'  
  
'Shut up! Harry, please help me out here.'  
  
'Huh? Help you with what?'  
  
'Stop these two.'  
  
'Stop these two what?'  
  
'Harry, are you feeling alright?'  
  
Ron and Hermione stopped glaring at each other to stop and stare at Harry in concern. Harry rubbed his hand over his face wearily and turned to face his friends.  
  
'No, not really.'  
  
'Harry, you haven't really been yourself since the first meeting of the Order. Did that Figg woman really upset you so much?'  
  
'Figg woman? What Fi- oh, Mrs Figg. No, I had completely forgotten about her.'  
  
'Who was she?'  
  
'She lived up the road from me, since I was a baby. She was my babysitter and she knew who I was and how I was being treated, and she did nothing to help me. It isn't so much that she didn't tell me that I was famous, but she didn't tell me that I was a wizard, and I was brought up thinking that magic was evil. I was the Dursleys slave and she didn't do a thing about it, even when they hit me, she never did anything.'  
  
'Oh, I'm sorry Harry.'  
  
'Is this Arabella Figg? The auror?'  
  
'I dunno, Hermione, I guess so.'  
  
'Well, if it is, then she was one of the best aurors around, in You Know Who's last reign. She trained Mad-eye Moody to become an auror. She also taught DADA in the seventies, which means that she probably taught your parents. Also, she worked very closely with your grandparents before they were killed, I think she and you grandmother were close friends.'  
  
'Huh? She knew my parents? She worked with my grandparents? She trained Mad- eye Moody? It can't be. Mrs Figg? The only thing she could train, would be her cats to use the litter tray.'  
  
'Harry! I have it all in a book somewhere.'  
  
'Were my grandparents really Aurors?'  
  
'Of course they were. They were the most famous of there time. So were you parents.'  
  
'My parents were aurors?'  
  
'.'  
  
Harrys friends stared at him open mouthed.  
  
Draco found his voice first. 'You didn't know that you parents were aurors?'  
  
'No.'  
  
'Harry, even I knew that. Dad worked at the ministry and he met them a few times on raids.' Ron looked scandalised at the fact that he knew more about Harry's parents than Harry, himself.  
  
'Harry, they were the best aurors for their age. They and Sirius, were the youngest aurors to get so high up in the ranks as they did. They became aurors straight out of Hogwarts. It was thought that they would be some of the most dangerous in the business, before, well, you know.'  
  
Harry stared at his friends. 'What books are these in?'  
  
'They are mainly in the research books in the DADA section in the library.' All three rolled their eyes at Hermione's answer.  
  
'Can we go and check, later?'  
  
'Of course, Harry.' replied Ron. 'But we have to sort out these sodding bottles first.'  
  
'By the way, Harry,' Draco broke the hour long silence that had followed, only punctuated by the occasional smashing of glass followed by a muffled "bugger" and quick exclamation of "Ron, be more careful".  
  
'What was the thing that was bothering you before?'  
  
'Oh, that. Well after the meeting the other week Dumbledore kept me back to tell me that he had found somewhere for me to stay during the summer.'  
  
'Oh, Harry, that's really good. You'll still be able to come and visit us, wont you?'  
  
'Well, Ron that's the thing. I don't know. My new "guardian" may not let me. I don't think he will let me have much fun at all.'  
  
'Why, who is it?'  
  
'Snape.'  
  
Bang, clash, clatter, smash  
  
'Bugger.'  
*************************  
  
'Wow, Harry. Look at your potions mark. That isn't just a pass, that's a pass with honours.'  
  
Harry looked in bewilderment at his paper. 'But, I never pass potions, well, not unless Dumbledore intervenes.'  
  
Hermione looked up from her paper. 'Well, Harry, your hard work has certainly paid off. Yours too, Ron.'  
  
'Oi! Potter, Weasley! What'd ya get?'  
  
Harry threw his paper over to Draco, who caught it and looked up with a stunned face.  
  
'Fucking hell.'  
  
Harry grinned back and after yelling his score over to Dean and Seamus, who were trying to comfort Neville, he linked arms with Ron and Hermione and the marched out the door of the potions classroom.  
  
******************  
  
'So, we have five weeks left. What are we going to do or, more to the point, what aren't we going to do?'  
  
Hermione looked at Harry and Ron over her copy of the Daily Prophet.  
  
'I think we had better go to the library.'  
  
Ron and Harry's jaws simultaneously dropped as they looked at her serious face.  
  
'What the fuck, Hermione? We just finished our fucking OWL's you got eighteen, Harry got eleven and I got ten. Even my mum would tell us to stop working. The library?' Are you certifiably insane?'  
  
Ron's face had become bright red and his voice was rising to a shout. People were turning around to look at him and he slid down in his seat.  
  
Harry found his voice and began his rant on a much softer scale. 'We are going to the cave tonight to see Sirius, and I have to get some food ready for him. Then, when we get back, there is going to be an end of OWL's party in the common room. Please can we leave whatever it is until tomorrow?'  
  
Hermione looked up from the paper again, her eyes twinkling. 'Well, I just thought that we could get out some books about your parents, but if that's the way you want it. We'll wait.'  
  
Harry's mouth closed as fast as it had reopened and Ron sat up in his chair.  
  
'Oh.'  
  
**********************  
  
'Well, that was a complete and utter waste of time.' Draco ran his hand through his no longer gelled back hair. 'Hermione, are you sure that they were here?'  
  
'Of course I am. I don't understand it, even the family trees are go. oh.'  
  
'Oh, what?' Ron looked up, his face interested.  
  
'Um, oh nothing. Look let's try again later.'  
  
Harry looked up, his face discouraged. 'Alright. Let's leave it until tomorrow afternoon. We'll go and get some food from the house elves to take to Sirius, and come back via The Three Broomsticks, to get some stuff for tonight.'  
  
'Harry, why tomorrow afternoon? Do we have something planned for tomorrow morning that I have forgotten about?'  
  
'Well, apart from the very nasty hangovers, oh don't me forget to buy some hangover cure, I have to see my lovely guardian Snape, about our arrangement.'  
  
'Fuck, I'd forgotten about that. Is there anyway that you can get out of it?'  
  
'I don't think so, I don't know what would be worse, going back to Vernon and Dudley or Snape.'  
  
'Hey, that's my godfather you are talking about.'  
  
'Yes, and I pity you. I would hate to have any permanent connections like that with him.'  
  
Hermione looked down at her feet, before quickly changing the subject. 'So, what are we getting for Snuffles?'  
  
******************  
  
The next morning Harry awoke, his ears ringing and his head buzzing. 'Grrrllaauugghhhh.'  
  
'Harry, mate, you don't sound at all well.'  
  
'Blaaauuggghhhh.'  
  
'Sorry to wake you, like that, but you have to see Snape today, and we thought you had better prepare.'  
  
Harry slowly became aware of the water running down his chest and over his face. He opened his eyes, fighting the waves of nausea. The bright sunlight shined straight into his eyes and he scrunched them up with a groan.  
  
'Easy, mate. Drink this, I'm glad we remembered to buy it.'  
  
Harry forced himself not to be sick at the taste of the potion and slowly the room came into focus. His head stopped spinning and the nausea slipped away. He sat up quickly and glanced around the room.  
  
'Fucking hell. What did we do?'  
  
'I'm not sure, but we did it well. The Weasel Twins would be proud.'  
  
'Hey, stop calling our family that, ferret.'  
  
Harry let their fighting continue as he continued to survey the room. The floor was covered in broken glass and every flat surface was covered with bottles of all shapes and sizes.  
  
Bodies were lying everywhere, some still unconscious, others holding their heads or drinking vast amounts of hangover cure. A couple of people were playing chess in the corner, drinking the dregs of the bottles around them. Hermione was in the corner casting cleaning charms.  
  
'Why are there so many people? I thought it was supposed to be just four fifth years.'  
  
'Well, sixth and seventh years joined us, not to mention half the fourth years.' Ron looked up from where he was positioned as Dracos new cushion.  
  
'But, this is our just our dorm. What's the rest of the tower look like?'  
  
'I assume its worse. Last time I tried to get out the door, it felt like there were many unconscious bodies blocking the door.'  
  
'Damn, oh what time is it?'  
  
'Ten thirty.'  
  
'Shit, I have to be at Snapes office in five minutes, and,' Harry pushed on the dorm door. 'I cant get out.'  
  
'So?'  
  
'So. If I don't go there, then he may come here.'  
  
Draco jumped off Ron in alarm. 'Shit, he'll tell my father.' He ran over to the fire place and threw in some floo powder.  
  
'The kitchens.'  
  
When he came back, he was followed by about ten house elves.  
  
'This lot will clean this room, and I have sent fifty to each of the other rooms. I give then ten minutes to have this place spic and span.'  
  
Harry choked back a laugh at Hermiones face. 'Spic and span? Where do you come up with these terms?'  
  
Draco went slightly pink, but was saved from a reply when the door that Harry was leaning on opened suddenly.  
  
'Well, I see you later. I've got to go.' He disappeared out the door at high speed.  
  
He came to a skidding halt outside Snapes classroom door. 'Sorry I'm late Professor, professor?'  
  
Harry looked around the room in confusion. 'Oh well. I'll just sit down and wait.'  
  
At the time that Harry was running into the classroom, Snape himself was leaving Dumbledores office. He had been in a meeting with Dumbledore about the best way to deal with Harry. He had confiscated all the books in the library that even mentioned Drulisa's name and they were sitting on his desk in his classroom.  
  
Meanwhile, Harry had perched himself on the edge of the aforesaid desk to wait.  
  
Snape hadn't put his watch on that morning and it was most unfortunate that it was that particular morning when Dumbledores clock had slowed by an half an hour, courtesy of the Weasley Twins.  
  
So when Snape had glanced at the clock on the mantelpiece in Dumbledore's office he had been pleasantly surprised to find that he had an extra half an hour on his hands, so he headed to the kitchens for a cup of coffee.  
  
As Snape was entering the kitchen he found his godson disappearing into the fire shouting something that sounded suspiciously like 'The Gryffindor Common Room' and a large amount of broken glass on the floor by the bins.  
  
As he was enquiring as to the origins of this spectacular amount of glass, Harry was looking at the large pile of books sitting on the Potion Masters desk.  
  
It was just a quick glance, but in that extremely short amount of time, a title caught his eye.  
  
"Aurors in the field at the time of the demise of He Who Must Not Be Named."  
  
He flipped through the book but there was only a short paragraph about his parents. He flipped through the next one, and the next one. He was at the bottom of the pile and just about to throw the book down in frustration when a footnote caught his eye.  
  
"It was a highly controversial point as it was unknown whether or not Lily and James Potter could be trusted with such close connections to the Dark Side as they had in Drulisa Potter."  
  
Harry stopped in amazement. Who was Drulisa Potter? What a weird name. How was she close to his parents and still on the Dark Side?  
  
Harry resumed his search through the books. Many facts arose that made him more confused and didn't tell him who she was.  
  
All that Harry could discern, was that she was close to James, had an unfortunate marriage. Wavered back and forth from either side so often that it was impossible to tell where her loyalties lay. Was killed in a Death Eater attack along with her baby son, leaving the husband.  
  
Harry was at his wits end, when he caught sight of a smaller book hidden under some papers.  
  
"The History of Old Wizarding Families"  
  
Well, this was what he had been looking for ages ago. Why did Snape have all these books?  
  
He flipped to the Potter page which was blank. He was about to throw the book in the air in frustration when words began to appear on the page.  
  
'Due to the extensive members of the Potter Clan, we have arranged this information so that it is much easier to access with much more detail. Please write the name of the member of the Potter family here________.  
  
Harry picked up the quill lying next to him and scrawled in 'Drulisa Potter'.  
  
The words faded away and were replaced by a page of tiny writing.  
  
Harry read through it quickly. Wow, Drulisa was his aunt, and didn't she have a son, yes here it is, Sean. Oh, that's right. They were killed in Death Eater raids leaving the husband.  
  
Well, he still had an uncle. Why hadn't the uncle taken him in? Was he a death eater himself.  
  
Woah, both his aunt and uncle were death eater spies for the Order of the Phoenix. Why wasn't the name mentioned? If he was a spy then maybe that's why he hadn't taken him in. But, Voldemorts death would have made it safe for him to do so.  
  
Why wasn't his name mentioned. Wait, wait. Here we are. Drulisa Potter was married on blah blah blah blah, and marched down the aisle blah blah blah blah, the happy Mrs Severus Potter-Snape.  
  
Oh.  
  
It was about this time that Snape looked up at the clock in the kitchen, and noticing that the time was much different to what he had first thought it was he got to his feet.  
  
It was only a matter of seconds before he realised that Potter had been alone in his office with those books for 25 minutes.  
  
To panicked to want to leave Potter with the books to much longer Snape threw some floo powder into the fire and came spinning out of the fire with a crash.  
  
He looked up to see Harry sitting towards the back of the room with his back to him. A quick glance at the desk told him that everything seemed to be in the right spot.  
  
He looked up at the boy who was slowly turning to face him. His face white and eyes red. He looked up sneeringly. 'You're late, Uncle Sevvie.'  
  
Seeing the book in the boys hands made Snape freeze. Now being frozen in a room with an irate family member who has only just discovered that you are a family member can be dangerous. When that family member has hated you ever since he knew you it makes things more complicated.  
  
Snape thought those thoughts very slowly for someone with as quick a mind as he usually possessed. Thus, he hadn't moved when a certain Harry Potter launched himself at his greasy uncle yelling.  
  
"You fucking bastard. You fucking asshole. How the fuck could you? You are my fucking uncle.'  
  
At this point the words became incoherent as Harry's fist connected with Snape's nose.  
  
He didn't remember much after that, but when he came too in the hospital wing, the residing marks of both curses and fists told the story loud and clear.  
  
Unbeknown to him, Harry was also in the hospital wing, suffering from shock and also suffering from extensive bleeding from his legs and arms. 


	29. Chapter Twentytwo

Chapter 22  
  
A week later Harry was allowed out of the infirmary. He had not spoken a word about what had taken place inside Snape's office, so only Snape, Harry and Dumbledore (who had been informed by Snape) officially knew what had happened.  
  
Draco and Ron didn't have a clue. Snape had been released two days prior to Harry, but Draco hadn't been able to get a word out of him. Both suspected that Snape had said something to Harry to make him lose his temper, but neither of them had any idea what had been so serious that Harry had hexed the potions professor, nor why Harry had only got a mild lecture and detention as punishment. They both suspected that Hermione knew more than she was letting on, but she would give them no indication as to what it was.  
  
Hermione had been the person to find Harry unconscious on his bed. Remus Lupin had been walking past the dungeons when he had heard shouting, but by the time that he had figured out where the sound was coming from he found Snape alone on the ground, unconscious, and surrounded by the pile of heavy books that Harry had hurled at him in his rage. He had immediately called Hermione to look for him because she was the only person who Harry didn't think knew, but did know.  
  
Sirius had been informed and had run all the way from Hogsmeade in his dog form and had had to be physically restrained from knocking down the infirmary door to kill Snape.  
  
Harry had refused to stay in the same room with Snape and had kicked up such a fuss, that Snape had to be moved into the spare ward.  
  
All his friends had been to see him and were surprised and a little scared at how remarkably cheerful he seemed to be, when he was lying there, swathed in bandages from his latest cutting episode. He laughed and joked about anything and everything, asked for regular updates on what was happening in every class except for potions. Anytime the class or professor, or anything to do with his family was mentioned, he turned away from the speaker and lay with his eyes closed until they left, but never mentioned the conversation the next time he spoke with them.  
  
So, the evening that he was released from the infirmary, found him sitting in his common room surrounded by four Weasleys, Hermione, the boys from his dorm and Draco.  
  
The silence was extremely awkward. Everyone sat, glancing at Harry out of the corners of their eyes while they tried to make feeble conversation.  
  
Finally Harry raised his eyes from where they had been gazing at the fire for the past ten minutes and stared at the small group.  
  
'I suppose you would like to know what happened.'  
  
Dean spoke up from the corner, 'Well, it had crossed our minds.' 'Dean!' exclaimed Hermione. 'Leave Harry alone, we shouldn't ask him. He'll tell us when he is ready.'  
  
Harry looked at her, and she looked away at the force of his gaze. 'I don't need protecting Hermione. They deserve to know. I am sure that you already know most of it, if not all.'  
  
'Harry, what are you talking about? How could I possibly know-' Hermione broke off and blushed. 'Alright, yes, I know. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to pry, it's just.'  
  
'Don't say anymore Hermione. I don't want to know when or how you found out. Just be quiet while I tell the others.'  
  
Hermione fell silent and nodded.  
  
'Ok, I didn't know any of what I am about to tell you until last week. I found out some by accident and Dumbledore told me the rest.  
  
This all started about twenty years ago when my parents were at Hogwarts. I always thought that my father was an only child, but as it happens he had a younger sister. She was a year younger than him. Now this woman was my aunt Drulisa. She was apparently very beautiful and all the guys were in love with her to one degree or another. Sirius was one of those people, and everyone thought that they would get together.  
  
But Drulisa didn't like Sirius that way. She was in love with another student in Sirius and my dad's year. This man was already an enemy of theirs and the animosity only increased when they found out that she felt that way about him.  
  
My aunt and this man ended up dating which pretty much fucked up Drulisa's relationship with my dad and her fellow Gryffindors. it screwed Sirius up so much, that he was so jealous, that in their fifth year, he played a prank on this man, and it nearly got him killed.'  
  
As Harry looked around the room, he saw six blank expressions, one resigned and one with a horrible look of dawning realisation.  
  
'No, you are fucking kidding me.'  
  
'No Ron, I'm not and if you shut up I will finish telling you what the rest of the story.'  
  
The others looking curiously at Ron's disgusted expression turned back to Harry, their interest doubled.  
  
'Well, this guy that she was in love with, became very heavily involved in the dark arts. In fact, he became a death eater. Now instead of abandoning him, as everyone expected Drulisa too, when, she found out she also became a death eater and married him when they left school. Together, they began spying for Dumbledore, but no one knew, and my father disowned her.  
  
She became pregnant with his child and when it was born it was a boy, whom they called Sean. He was born around the time that I was, give or take a month or so.  
  
Now, Voldemort knew that someone was giving information to the other side and he suspected Drulisa, since she had close connections to the light side in my father, who had started speaking to her again. So he killed her and Sean.  
  
He burnt my aunt alive and hung her up on the wall above the body of her eighteen month old baby's body. My dad and Sirius, were the first two Aurors on the scene and that's how they found her.  
  
Her husband was never even suspected of being a spy and I found out the other day that he was still alive and that he had abandoned me to the Dursleys. Snape had been hiding the books in his office and I found them when I went to speak to him about our arrangements.'  
  
Harry, taking advantage of everyone's stunned looks, stood and went to the stairs and not looking back, ran up them.  
  
He was just at the corner when Fred called out, 'but, Harry, who was this man?'  
  
Harry turned back to see Ron, with his head in his hands and Hermione shaking her head at Fred who, looking up the stairs at Harry, was totally oblivious too.  
  
He sighed and lowered his eyes to the ground as he said a barely distinguishable 'Severus Snape.'  
  
A squeak from Neville, followed by a bang, told him that at least one person had fallen out of their seats, but he didn't stop to see who, as he disappeared into his dormitory and lay down on his bed, falling asleep a short time later.  
  
******************  
  
The next three weeks went extremely quickly for the fifth years. After the initial shock, everyone accepted that Harry didn't want to talk about it and life went on as normal except that Harry refused to attend potions lessons and left the great hall, sometimes during a meal, if Snape entered it.  
  
He had spoken to Dumbledore and told him in no uncertain terms that there was no way in hell that he would stay at Snape's that summer and to his pleasant surprise Dumbledore agreed.  
  
One week was left of term and Harry didn't have anywhere to go. He knew that he couldn't stay at the Weasleys for the whole holidays and that the wards that would be set up around him, to protect him from Voldemort would only work if he was with family.  
  
It was looking like he would have to stay with Sirius in the cave, and while the idea of staying with Sirius was a very good one, Harry didn't know if he wanted to spend eight weeks or so in a cave.  
  
He was sitting at the Gryffindor table at breakfast, keeping an eye on the door when Hermione nudged him.  
  
'Harry, I was wondering, you can tell me to mind my own business if you don't want to talk about it yet, but how did you know that I knew about 'you know what'?'  
  
'You mean, the greasy bastard uncle thing?'  
  
'Well, yeah. If you want to put it like that.'  
  
'I just had this feeling. You always try to-' he broke off as Hermione's pumpkin juice was knocked over as an owl dropped a letter on her plate, before flying over to Dumbledore and dropping one in front of him as well.  
  
Hermione tore it open and started absently scanning it as she said 'I wonder why mum is writing to Dumbledore. I'm glad she got herself an owl though, it makes it so much easier to get her post. Go on, Harry, I'm listening.'  
  
'You always have to find out what is happening, because you always want to solve the problem. Only as it turned out, this is one of the only things in the world that Hermione Granger cant solve.'  
  
Ron chuckled. 'You're lucky she's reading and isn't really paying attention to you, or you would be hexed into next year for saying that you have found something she cant solve.'  
  
Hermione looked up, her eyes shining. 'On the contrary, Ron. I heard every word, and it just so happens that I have found a solution.'  
  
Harry and Ron stared at her in bewilderment. 'Um, Hermione, I don't think there is a cure for unwanted genes.'  
  
'As usual, Harry Potter, don't have a clue what you are talking about. Snape married into your family, so you don't have his genes.'  
  
'So, what have you found a solution too?'  
  
Hermione stared at him, her eyes sparkling in a mad way. 'What would you define as the problem?'  
  
Harry glared at her. 'Snape is my fucking uncle.'  
  
'That isn't the only problem.'  
  
'Well, the only other one is that I don't have anywhere to stay, that is both practical and is with family so that I have protection from that ashore who killed the family that I should be with.'  
  
'Well, Mr 'Hermione Cant Fix Everything' Hermione has just found a solution.' She handed him the letter, squirming in her seat as she looked at him, half bursting with joy, and the other half slightly wary of his reaction.  
  
Harry read the letter three times, each time, his face turning a different colour.  
  
'Is this serious?' He finally said in a voice that sounded quite unlike his own.  
  
'Absolutely, but it is totally up to you.'  
  
Harry picked up his goblet and calmly transfigured it into firewhisky (setting off alarms at the teachers table) and after taking a large mouthful he looked at Hermione his face unreadable.  
  
'Alright then.'  
  
They both sat calmly in their chair for a full thirty seconds before jumping up and screaming wildly to the shock of the Great Hall.  
  
Ron picked up the forgotten letter and after quickly scanning it, started madly grinning and threw it at Draco who had come over to see what all the excitement was about.  
  
Draco caught the letter and reading the first few lines looked up in disbelief 'Granger is actually happy about having you as a brother? If it was me, I would running in the other direction screaming.'  
  
As Draco had said this very loudly, it caused quite a stir and half the Gryffindor table seemed to suddenly be swarming around the little group. The letter fell unheeded to the floor and was completely forgotten. 


	30. Epilogue

Epilogue  
  
Four students sit in a train carriage laughing and talking. There is an element on uncertainty about them as they head off in directions that are so different to what they were when these four were last all on the train at the same time.  
  
A new family for two of them, a new alliance and new loyalties for another and a different perspective on life for the fourth.  
  
The carriage door slides open many times, the amount of people who enter and leave show just how popular this quartet is.  
  
Towards the end of the day the train pulls into the station and the four jump out. At the barrier they separate.  
  
One, to weave a web of lies and deceit to protect himself and his friends.  
  
The second is returning home, but with an attitude that is less superficial. This one has learnt that the value of friendship is more important than materialistic things.  
  
The third, is also returning home, but she has a new addition to her, until now, steady environment. Happiness and joy radiate from her and people turn to stare at her. Her charisma makes it impossible for them not too.  
  
The fourth is the most unsure. The burden laid upon the thin shoulders is heavy and arduous. The nervousness in this one is concealed by mask of indifference, but is revealed by the relief and joy that spread unchecked as he is pulled into a hug by the pair who wait for him and his companion just beyond the barrier.  
  
But, where they have left, they leave behind grief and loneliness.  
  
This man, who knows that he should be feeling relieved that he has avoided his responsibility, can only feel the hurt and loss that he has fought not to feel.  
  
He clutches a picture to his chest, a look of utter loneliness and agony upon his face as he gulps from the amber liquid in the crystal glass in his other hand.  
  
He knows that he has lost the last link to the only happiness he has ever experienced, however briefly in former days.  
  
A solitary tear is allowed to trickle down his face before a contortion of pain sweeps across it and he clutches his left arm in an uncontrollable spasm.  
  
He finishes the dregs in his glass, places the picture in a drawer, before donning a cloak of black and picking up a mask. He throws some powder into the fire and after speaking a few words into it, he sweeps from the room, his face now devoid of emotion. He knows that life must go on. He has experienced hurt and pain before, and has learnt not to give in to it.  
  
He pushes the last of his emotions away, with practiced ease. He will not let himself fall into the trap of drowning in them. He will not let himself feel anything again for a long time. 


	31. Final Notes

Well this is the end of Silent Shells. I have been told that the ending comes to fast and if that is true then I am sorry. I felt the story was dragging on for too long, and I was getting sick of the story line. I have written the first chapter of the sequel and it will be posted asap.  
  
The title of the sequel is The Prophesy: Choke to Breathe  
  
Thanks for reading Silent Shells, I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did writing it. 


End file.
